Friday, December 31, 2010

Summer at Santa Catalina

I miss camp so much my heart aches! My camp is no ordinary camp. It's an amazing 5 week program for girls full of activities, friends, and too many laughs to count. The girls we get at this camp are truly extraordinary and working with them actually changes your life. The counselors are the same way, just grown up versions! I've been rewatching videos I took this summer and I miss it so much. Nothing really compares to living on campus for 5+ weeks with these wonderful girls. I want that back. RIGHT NOW.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Video Part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsKQYZv-a-k

I got bored. There's a link to another video I have recorded for Anna and Fiona. So much missing going on right now!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The random blog




Hello everyone who reads this blog. Which by now is about 3 of you. Congratulations. If you're reading this--more power to you because I tend to just ramble.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you a picture from my 19th birthday. This is Anna! And me. Anna is one of my best friends and the closest thing I have to a sister. In our world, I'm her adopted little sister and our world is the only thing that matters to us. She's been there for me since I was 14 and as the fates would have it, nothing has been able to separate us. And I love her. She's my world and without her...well that would just be sad.


When did I become a dress person? Just in the past 2 weeks I have acquired 4 dresses and 2 more previous to that. Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up. I'm a girly girl to the core. I just hadn't realized how many I suddenly found in my closet. Good thing they are all awesome.


I am currently watching The Kennedy Center Honors. Ever watched those? They're awesome, especially for a performing arts advocate like me. Looking out at that huge beautiful theatre literally makes me gasp. Moments like this remind me what I am aspiring towards. One of these days, I will be working in a theatre as amazing as that.

And on a more somber note, the Monterey Peninsula said its final farewell to a classmate of mine last week. Brandon Slater, a terribly kind hearted man, was a boy in my middle school class. He was one of the few boys I felt comfortable talking to and I enjoyed his company. I was sorry to hear he passed away on December 23 and I wished we hadn't lost touch over the years. Rest in Peace Brandon, you will be deeply missed.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

For Anna and Fiona

Umm I miss you a lot and super jealous you are together in Ashland while I am here attempting to work on my Angels production book

Moral of the story: By Act 3, you just give up

Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy Birthday Hannah Marie!

Today I have had my cat for 10 years! She was the one thing I always wanted. My first word was kitty and from that point on, my parents heard about nothing else. I begged for a cat for every birthday, every Christmas. But when I was 10, my parents finally caved and I picked out my pretty new kitty. She was 2 years old, already full grown, and boy did she have attitude. She has not changed one bit she that first day and I love her for it. She isn't very social. She's a diva. She wants you to watch her eat and she will find you and make you do it. She doesn't like being held. And she isn't very cuddling. But she's my baby. I love how she clings onto me when I hold her even though she's pitching a fit the whole time. I love how cute she is when she's sleeping and how she curls up in a little ball. I love how she turns around when i call her name because she knows it. And most of all, I just love holding her and carrying her around. She'll be my baby until I have a real one :)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

THANK YOU to my amazing parents for this great day!! My dad has excellent fashion sense/my parents enjoy treating me like their little doll so I got clothes I've been dying for and are great for updating my wardrobe. And I got a new phone!! Totally shocked, really didn't think I was getting a phone this year. I was a little reluctant at first to leave behind my faithful blackberry, the amazing phone that has been with me almost since I started SMC but this new phone has proven itself to be wonderful. Her name is Rosie because she has a pink cover and she is my new right hand man..err phone. And Tanner got a car :) The only 17 year old that I know who asked for a mini van for a car. But seeing his reaction...totally worth everything! He is so happy. I'm glad he has something to drive around in that is his (well...mostly his) and won't break down on him! And my kitty is sleeping in her brand new totally soft bed, all snuggled up. Tomorrow--family arrives! We'll eat food, play an incredible game called Battle of the Sexes, and have lots of fun before January hits us.

Hope you all had a perfectly wonderful Christmas, sending out lots of love!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas Darling

What a wonderful day. Lounged around today--hung out with my cat, watched youtube videos, got in the Christmas spirit. Tanner's gift FINALLY arrived--right on time! Got ready for church and I got to wear my new Christmas dress. I've been going to Cypress Community Church in Salinas for 12 years--a tradition that was initiated by my uncle and his family. Now it's just my mom and I that go but I love it. We ran into some old friends while we were there and spending the service with them was just a really wonderful gift. Saw some friends I hadn't seen in awhile too. Once we got home, the 4 of us went to a party across the street which got a little dull for Tanner and me so we left early (we had to check on dinner at home...and then just never came back haha). We got new jammies which is our tradition, dad read the night before christmas...and now Tanner and I lock ourselves in our rooms until 8 am.

Merry Christmas to the wonderful people in my life. To my beautiful family, you're the support and love I feel every day. I'm so lucky to be part of such a wonderful family. To my amazing friends, I simply say this quote "I know I'm who I am today because I knew you". You have all touched my life and I'm thankful for those blessings. To Anna, I'm so thankful you are home for the holidays. You're off to do even greater things. Africa misses you but we love you more :) To Linda, I'm thankful I ended up at SMC and in the theatre program because you've changed my life and led me to realize my full potential and what I'm meant to do in the world. And to my Christmas kitty, you are my world and I can't believe that on Monday I've had you for 10 years! Thank you for finally starting to love mommy and sleep on the bed with me :)

Merry Christmas Eve!

My favorite time of the year :) Looking forward to going to church tonight, dinner at home, then hiding in my room with my cat until 8 am...when Tanner and I can wake our parents up.
Yep, you're never too old to do Christmas the old fashioned way


Love to everyone

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The sun will come out tomorrow

Every person in show business has "their" show. The show that inspired them to get into the business. I can't limit mine to just one but the memories of shows that sparked my interests in musical theatre are clear as ever.
I was 9 years old. When I was 9, my world was pretty limited. I owned 2 CDs. I listened to the oldies radio station because that was my mom's favorite. And I watched the TV shows my parents told me were appropriate. At the time, ABC had a program called "The Wonderful World of Disney" which featured a different, family friendly movie every Sunday evening at 7 pm. This was the only show I was allowed to stay up and watch and even that was a rarity considering my bedtime was 8 pm. One week I saw an advertisement for the new made-for-TV version of the movie/musical, Annie. I'd never seen the original movie, didn't have the soundtrack, never seen the play...but something about this ad caught my attention. I begged my mom to let me watch it and once I did, I was hooked. I couldn't get enough of that movie. My parents realized this and bought me the VHS tape for Christmas that year and from that point on, we were inseparable. After that my world felt a little bit bigger. My parents discovered the local theatres and, as they appreciated and were involved in the arts and felt it would be good for me, they began taking me to see shows in the area. The Sound of Music, Peter Pan, My Fair Lady, Fiddler on the Roof...shows that I distinctly remember seeing and loving. This suddenly seemed like my outlet. I never admitted to anyone but I wanted to be part of that theatre experience. I wanted to sing those show tunes, be part of that family, have people come see shows I was involved in. But I kept going back, kept seeing those shows.
When I was in 8th grade, my parents wanted me to apply to Catalina. I was a student at San Benancio Middle School, a school in Salinas, and all of the popular girls were going to Notre Dame. I wanted to do what everyone else was doing. But my parents continued to tell me that applying to Catalina would be a good thing. I was pretty open to any experience by that point, desperate for some kind of change in my life. In October, my mom and I were invited to see Catalina's fall musical, Something's Afoot, by our good friend Buzz Cole who happened to be the master carpenter. We knew nothing about the show but we liked musicals and my mom knew it would be a good idea for me to see the school before my interview the following week. I didn't know what to expect but that show blew me away. I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. We came back in January to see Alice in Wonderland and that exceed my expectations as well. But it was Bye Bye Birdie in the spring that really put it over the top. April 18, 2004. Seeing those high school girls up onstage, performing better than I'd ever seen professionals perform convinced me that theatre was something I should try. At the time I didn't realize how much this would change my life.
I started Catalina in the fall of 2004. Didn't know anybody except for 2 girls in my class and even them I didn't know too well. My mom, remembering my interest in theatre, encouraged me to sign up for theatre tech for the fall show, Good News. She reminded me that I already knew Buzz and it would be a good way for me to meet people and give this a shot. I was the first and only freshman to sign up the first day and was immediately intimidated and enamored by the upper classmen. My stage manager terrified me but I admired her even more for it. I don't remember much about the tech process before tech week besides the constant feeling of happiness and belonging. Everyone was kind. I felt accepted. I was meeting new people. And for the first time, I felt like I was finding something I was actually passionate about. We reached tech week and that's when it really hit me that this would be something I could do for awhile. Just the excitement backstage, the management aspect, the lists, the jobs, the people you met--I was on a natural high. I continued doing shows. I made more friends. And I loved every minute of it.
At one point during Good News, my mom said "honey, I don't think you should become a stage manager". And I replied, "don't worry mom, I never will". Famous. Last. Words. I did every show at Catalina during my career there. I did dance shows. I did music concerts. I did special events. I was there so much they had to limit my hours. I rose to deck captain and then to stage manager. i started doing outside shows. But in the back of my mind, I knew this wasn't practical. My plan for college was to study psychology and to continue doing theatre as a hobby. I applied to and was accepted by Saint Mary's College, my dream school--a perfect fit but for reasons unknown to me at the time. I don't know what trick of fate led me to Saint Mary's that beautiful day in August by the recommendation of several family friends but I thank God for it every day. I had emailed the technical director over the summer and we set up a time to meet. I met him the second week of classes, showed him my resume, and basically outlined my life story. He looked at me, looked at the resume, and said "so...you have a background in stage management". I told him yes, that was true, I had stage managed in high school. He then took me into the theatre, across the stage I have crossed thousands of times since, and led me into the office of Linda Baumgarder where I stood in the exact same position I have stood countless times since. She mentioned there was another student interested in stage managing their fall production of Abundance but lacked the prior experience. They figured that with her knowledge of the theatre and my minimal experience in stage management, this pairing could work quite nicely. I accepted the job and basically sealed my fate. I had no idea what I was getting into that day and I am so glad I did it.
Success is an interesting word. What defines it? Your achievements or yours compared to others? That's when it gets tricky. Am I successful? Sure. I'm a success. I was the youngest stage manager ever at Saint Mary's. I've risen up quite nicely. And I do my job well. But if I compared myself to others, you wouldn't exactly consider me top of the pyramid. I don't work in a professional theatre, I don't have a steady annual income, I don't get paid as often as I would like. Every now and then I let myself slip into the reality of others instead of my own. My time for all of that is coming...I just haven't hit it yet. Tonight I was reminded of this. My sister was telling me about what's important to her and how she defines success. It's not about your job, your car, your house, your university. It's about who's in your life and how you contribute to theirs. If all you have is a wonderful family and friends...then I'd say you're pretty darn successful. At least more successful than most of the world. And I'm glad I was reminded of this. Too often I get caught up in words, in labels, the definition of a "successful" college graduate. But then I think...what is my ultimate goal? Well...I want to go to grad school until I am 24, almost 25. Stage manage everywhere-go as big and grand as I possibly can-at least until I'm 27. Then...I'm going to start thinking about the bigger picture. I want to get married. I want kids. My success in my career will help me financially in this department and will make me an even better role model for my kids but that's not all I'll be. Theatre won't be the center of my world anymore and I need to make sure I have a life outside of it. It is important to me that my kids are surrounded by family and friends who are like family. That's the kind of life I want to live. The reason I got involved in theatre was because I just wanted to belong, to be surrounded by a great group of people. I wanted the camaraderie. That's what I need to take with me with every show I do. Being a friend and being a good person is far more important than back stabbing someone else just so you can get ahead. It's important to remember what's important to you and why you're in this business. Not for the money or for the fame but what peaked that interest, all those years ago.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

This is for Sticking with Me

Tonight's blog is dedicated to those who have stuck with me since the beginning.

I've realized lately what a blessing it is to have friends who have stuck with you through every transition and change...every moment, big and small. Changing from school to school, changing interests, changing theatre companies--it's hard to keep the same group of friends. I'm lucky enough to have a few friends who have been there since freshman year in high school or earlier. Although we went to completely different schools, rarely found time to talk, and sometimes didn't see each other for years, they were still there. There's just something comforting about the familiarity of an old friend. There are no judgements, no need to impress the other, nothing to be nervous about. The relationship and the history is enough to support the friendship.
Gaby Rachel Kristen Anna Candace Martha Stephanie Andrea--thank you for being there.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Looking Back

My high school is the best thing that ever happened to me. This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone reading this because it led to just about everything extraordinary in my life, minus the family part. But it wasn't all rainbows, sunshine, and lollipops. I had a best friend who, unfortunately, chose to end our friendship over truly minute discrepancies and took advantage of our friendship while it still existed. She recognized my natural weaknesses as well as my determination and devotion to theatre. Her quest for power interfered with our already unstable relationship and our friendship did not end on a good note. It took me a long time to recover from that and I didn't really move on until I got to college and discovered I was my own person. I could be successful all on my own. And I became a stronger person. But a little part of me still wonders about her. And I wonder if she ever thinks of me. We shared many memories that we can't ever take back--mostly good but too many bad to repair the friendship. I think about if she regrets how it ended or if she's satisfied without me in her life. I'm curious to see how she likes college and if she's doing what she loves. And I wonder if she reads those bi-annual bulletins and sees my blurbs...realizing that I actually did accomplish what I set out to do...something she tried so hard to hold me back from.
I haven't been in contact with her for two years. The last time we exchanged anything was a facebook message containing a mass message from me to the class of 2008 explaining the format and purpose of the class notes. She simply replied telling me not to contact her regarding school information anymore. It's undetermined whether this was directed towards me or the school but we haven't spoken since then nor seen each other since graduation day, by which time we were acting as if the other did not exist. I face the very real possibility of running into her at a small alumnae event in 10 days. I've thought of this day since starting college. It will be a very interesting adventure to see how it goes. We could completely avoid each other or we could talk civilly. Whatever happens...it will be good for both of us.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Blessed Night

Today was one of those absolutely wonderful perfect days that just make you smile all over. Christmas shopping with my dad all day which I love. Watched the Oprah show with my parents--a rarity that the three of us sit down to watch anything together. Curled up by the Christmas tree with soup and Christmas cookies to watch online tv when my parents were out. Watched the Glee Christmas episode with my mom. And then spent the rest of the night watching home movies from back when Tanner and I were really little. It was just a really nice day and days like these are why I love break so much.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Singing, Full of Christmas Cheer

Tonight I went the Catalina lower school christmas concert for the first time. I'd always wanted to go but it took a special invitation to actually get me there. I didn't quite know what to expect besides what I'd seen in photos and videos but I loved it. The Performing Arts Center (PAC) was decorated with festive garland and lights and it was absolutely packed with people. The children were extremely cute, sang well, and were very well behaved. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The reason I went to the concert this year was I was invited by Anna Hunt, my darling 11 year old camper/friend/babysitting charge/insert appropriate term here and I wanted to also see her friend Hannah perform as I have been babysitting Hannah since she was 4. I don't know when it happened but suddenly these girls are growing up and it happened without me realizing it. One minute you're playing with dolls, the next she's playing on the computer saying she doesn't really need entertainment. 7 years actually did fly by. 7 years ago I was 13. I was still at San Benancio, still not loving my life, still lacking real motivation to do anything. Hannah and Anna were 4. I'd just started babysitting Hannah and her brother Aaron who was 7 and I hadn't even met Anna yet. Over the years I've watched these kids grow up and evolve into really terrific young men and women. You hope and pray that your kids turn out well. Now these kids aren't my own but I have a very strong interest in their well being.
I can remember being about 15 years old, babysitting quite a few families, wondering how you could tell if you loved someone. I knew I loved my family and I think I knew I loved my friends but how could you tell if you really loved someone? Well, now that I have known quite a few kids and grown fond of many of them, I can tell myself that when you love someone...you just know it. I've connected and lost tough with many kids but these are some that I hope I remain in contact with for years to come. I cannot wait to see what they turn out to be.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Today, I received an email from one of my theatre professors telling me that I am the recipient of a merit-based grant for spring semester. This email came as a complete shock as I did not apply for this grant nor knew anything about it but my professors took it upon themselves to advocate for me. I cannot express how much it means to me to know that they understand and appreciate how much effort I put into the performing arts department and how financial struggles are huge. I literally cannot stop smiling. Thank you to the outstanding performing arts faculty--we may have our struggles and difficulties but in the end, we support each other. And that means everything.

Literally, best Christmas ever :)

And btw. CONGRATULATIONS Anna on your new job!! You deserve this so much and you're going to kick butt. Good luck in Virginia :)

Grading Scale

I got my grades! Normally, this is an extremely happy occasion. And I am happy. I still have an excellent GPA, it's exactly where I want it to be. But a little part of me is nagging about a couple grades that are lower than I expected without me really knowing why and the fact that people I know who don't put nearly as much effort into their grades get similar grades. Now I know this is part of life. There will always be people who put in less effort and reap the same rewards. You just hope karma kicks them in the butt. And I keep preaching that "you can't compare your successes to anyone else's" so maybe I should follow my own advice.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm ready for my check

Is it just me or do expenses keep piling up? One week it's the student loan payment, the next it's gas. Then you realize that you literally have one flour tortilla and half a jar of spaghetti sauce left and you're not all that gourmet-inclined so food shopping is a necessity. But it's your friend's birthday and you love her, right? So she deserves a gift. And rehearsal was just awful tonight so that spontaneous in n out trip is worth it...just another $7, nothing major. Yet that's where the cut off line to necessary expenses wears very thin.
Now obviously I am aware that this is the problem for nearly every household in America. Unless you're blessed with a buttload of money and somehow bypassed the strain of the economical crash in which case I wish you well and secretly hope you got something else lousy to deal with. I'm not even an avid spender. I have the Parsons gene, Parsons being my mother's maiden name, which is a nice way of saying I'm cheap and will buy what's cheaper no matter what the quality is. And for the most part, I only buy essentials. But even the essentials add up. First the shampoo, then the conditioner. Then you need a new razor. Then you got hungry. And then you just saw something cute in the next aisle over and that extra $3 is totally worth it. But you forgot that the stage management kit is running low on first aid items so stocking up is a must. Pretty soon that bill gets a lot higher than you had anticipated and you're debating whether or not it's worth it. Normally the answer is, yes, it is worth it since I make every effort to save my money. But the holiday season always makes things a bit strained. That paycheck just isn't cutting it. With my severely limited hours I can only work so much and apply for work in so many areas. I'm lucky I have these jobs at all--they are truly a blessing as I need flexibility with any schedule. The worst is when all those bills add up at once, which happened to be recently. Student loan payment, gas, and christmas shopping all fell to this week. As well as the little added expense of buying a new binder and the exact right tabs and page protectors and pencils to make my Angels in America production look as professional as possible. After all, I am investing in my future. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Sometimes you just gotta dig deep, tell yourself that it all evens out in the end, and keep moving forward to prevent yourself from being buried alive by the stress of the 3 Fs--future, finances, and fate. Luckily that last one fits in quite nicely with my life motto (or one of them). "Everything happens for a reason". It does. I truly believe that. Some days it takes a little more effort to remind myself of this particular philosophy but I always see the reasoning in the end.

It's 3 am...are you surprised?

Yep, the night owl in me is still awake But restless. I'm having one of those rare nights when absolutely nothing sounds appealing. I don't want to read, watch tv, watch movies, go on facebook, go on youtube, shower, clean, work on my production book, dance, eat, or decorate. Usually at least one of those catches my attention.
It might be caused by the slightly off day I had. One of those days that things didn't really fall into place and I felt out of sync. And I'm a totally "perfectly-in-step-in-sync" kind of girl. Why else would I be infatuated with the perfection of tap dance (though I have never tapped a step in my life. dying to learn.), will rearrange a room until it is absolutely perfect down to the last piece of paper, and have taken my skill for calling cues to an unhealthy obsessive level. Days like these make me feel uneasy and I'm not really okay with that. But tomorrow, all will be good.


To my best friend, Danielle: I adore you.


Btws. 2 months. AHH.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Changing Locations, Changing Personalities

I'm like the army. Only the opposite. Instead of getting more done before 7 am, I get more things done between 10 pm and 3 am than most people do all day. Being home doesn't exactly support or dissuade me from my nocturnal tendencies. No one's awake past 11 so I get time alone but I'm always surprising someone with how late I stay up and how staying in bed until noon is perfectly natural.
Coming home is always an interesting sensation. It's like being a whole different person. At school, I'm "the stage manager". I'm controlling, sweet, organized, non-dater, conservative dresser, theatre crazy, intelligent, a good friend, and, generally, successful. That's how I'm known. I've shaped an identity around that. But it's interesting how personalities change based on who you are talking to, how well you know the person, how you have previously interacted, and how much you want to impress them. Since going awake to college I've become more outgoing, more sarcastic, more "vulgar" (though definitely levels below most of my peers), most feisty, and more opinionated. I've developed a certain banter and rhythm at school that is difficult to conceal when I'm at home. Although for the most part I'm still the sweet innocent girl my parents sent off two years ago, my personality has grown stronger. I've also noticed that the way I interact with my old friends or even people I knew vaguely in high school has changed. I feel more assertive with those I knew less well as well as more engaging with those to which I am still close. It's startling when I actually take notice to it. I've grown so accustomed with a certain way of conversing with others that I'm occasionally thrown off guard when I act differently towards some people. Just goes to show that you learn a lot more than the classic texts and higher math when you go off to college.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

WE'RE GOING TO REGIONALS

That's right people, Angels in America: Millennium Approaches is going to the American College Theatre Festival's Region VII competition! We were selected as one of 3 (or something around that number) to compete at the regional festival. 4-6 schools total from all the regions will be selected to go to the National festival at the Kennedy Center in DC. We're so excited and so proud!

Live Your Life

There are days I examine my life and realize that it is comprised of moments that will define my future. But for once, I'm not talking academically or professionally. Nope, tonight I'm talking about my real future--the family part. I've spent the majority of my life around children. I attended daycare for 5 years (by the time you're 9...you're over being taken care of. So I turned around a took care of the kids myself), volunteered at a preschool for 3 years, have been a camp counselor since I was 15, and I've been babysitting since I was 12. I've met so many wonderful children. And I find immense pleasure in seeing them year after year, growing and evolving and discovering the world. The greatest gift in life is to watch people grow up. This is something I took for granted when I first started working with kids but now that "my" kids are growing up much too fast for my liking, I find it remarkable how lovely they have grown up. Their personalities are defined, they have genuine likes and dislikes, they have perspective, they understand the world more, they're kind, they're generous, they understand right and wrong beyond getting rewards and punishments. And that is just plain awesome. Another group of girls I've watch grow up is my group of "sophomores". Although they are no longer sophomores, this is how I always remember them. These 6 girls, sophomore girls when I was a senior at Catalina, defined my senior year at Catalina. When I met them they were a rambunctious group. Not entirely focused, simply carefree and enjoying life. I spent many hours with them, acting as a cross between a mentor, sister, mother, teacher, and chauffeur. At the time of their graduation I took a few minutes to reflect on the beautiful women they have evolved into. Without my realization my girls grew into 6 independent, vivacious, passionate women, destined to succeed.
I now drive 2 7-year-old girls to various activities. I may only see them a couple days a week but I make sure those minutes count. I can clearly remember every babysitter, driver, counselor, and mentor I had as a kid. It's easy to forget how much you can influence kids without effort but your presence makes a difference. I make sure that during those car rides these girls learn something. That it's okay to sing at the top of your lungs. That music of all genres is cool. That being on time is essential. That compromise is necessary but little treats are special. That you are responsible for yourself and your belongings. That you must respect others. And that you will always be safe, loved, and protected. These are little lessons but they can help shape a person. And if I can make a difference in their lives, I will do my darndest to make sure it happens.
This makes me think about my own kids. My future kids. The poor things that get saddled with a crazy but very loving, passionate, patient, and organized parent. Kids aren't going to happen for awhile. My lifestyle does not accommodate the family life yet, not for awhile at least. I'm going to do the whole high powered career woman deal for the first few years (or 10...) of my professional life. Because once I do get married and have kids, that will be my priority. My current love is in the theatre. I devote hours upon hours of work and time and effort to this incredible art form. Although I am first and foremost a friend--my friends/family are neck in neck with theatre--there are times when theatre simply has to come first. Nights are theatre time. Tech weekends are theatre time. Show weekends are theatre time. That will just have to be my life for awhile. I won't be a young parent. But hopefully my age will work with me. I'll be older, hopefully wiser successful and financially secure, and ready for love. My biological clock with start ticking away at one point. And I'll know when it's time. Until then, I get to play in the theatre and watch my pretend babies grow up, hoping my own will turn out just as great as they do.
If life blesses me with a little girl of my own, I will be even luckier than I am now. I have dreams of watching my kids graduate from the pre K, lower school, and upper school of Catalina...the whole thing. So, to my future daughter, Addison (whose name I already have chosen. I'm also curious to see how this one plays out. check back with me in 20 years)...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that life becomes all that you want it to...your dreams stay big, your worries stay small...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

End Scene

And I'm home! What an adventure first semester was...

New living situation. First real roommate. Anna leaving for the peace corps (and..because I never mentioned this before. Anna is actually home from the peace corps. Something happened while she away but she safe, happy, and home...more than I could ever ask for). Angels in America. Financial issues. Starting a new job. Grad school research. Taking 6 classes. Having less than an hour of free time a day. Spending literally all day away from my room becoming the norm. So much time with Danielle and Kathleen. New, amazing co-workers at the nursery. Great new neighbors at school. Lighting design. Plenty of frustration. Found my voice. Grew as a stage manager. Many decisions made. Amazing dance show memories. Shannon and Linda bonding time. Super cold weather. Super hot weather. Challenging classes that I think I will get As in. So many emotions and love.

And now I'm home :) Watched GLEE with mommy. Made dinner. Did laundry. Hugged my kitty. It's easy to forget how much the simple things mean to you when you're caught up in the stress of life. My mom also saved last week's CBS Sunday Morning which featured Matthew Morrison. Best. Mom. Ever.

Tomorrow=going to Catalina and making a birthday announcement for the first time in 2 and a half years. It's Martha's sister's first Catalina birthday so, per request of Martha, I am going with her. This also means crashing Mrs. Hunt's english class (they're discussing Antigone. Thank you theatre major/seminar/catalina english classes for teaching me everything I ever needed to know about that play. I feel like I will be a productive addition to that class). I cannot wait to see people I love and although the idea of making an announcement again doesn't thrill me...sometimes you gotta do crazy things for the people who mean the most to you!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It's Official

I am officially entering myself into the Region VII American College Theatre Festival's stage management competition. This will consist of presenting my production book, an interview, and a stage management simulation of calling light and sound cues. I am so excited, especially about the simulation aspect considering that is my strongest attribute as a stage manager. If nothing else this will be a great experience and a potential opportunity for scholarships and connections to grad school. Plus giving me the opportunity to see who and what else is out there as well as learning how to present myself as a professional.


Can I just say I have the best friends ever? They know me SO well. Christmas gifts=a personalized clipboard from Danielle and a pearl bracelet and a tinkerbell blanket from Kathleen.

Music in Performance final in the morning then some more studying and PACKING! Can't wait to see my family, my cat, my friends, and Catalina

I've also decided to take a dance class during Jan Term. I've been out of dance for a year now and I'm going crazy. It will be an intermediate modern class so that will be a new challenge but an awesome way to start my day 3 times a week. SO EXCITED.

Good things are happening--I can feel it!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Dominated

Foundations final=DONE. Thank the lord that class is now over because it was literally the bane of my academic existence this semester. Note I said ACADEMIC because I had to categorize my life in separate areas in order to deal with the crazy overload. That final...oh wow...2 straight hours of writing. And thinking. Whoever said being a theatre major was easy has clearly never taken a theatre class. Because that is a very ignorant view. But I dominated that final. And then I went to work. Apparently I'm also kicking ass in that department because when I told the girls I wouldn't be seeing them until January, Natalie said she would miss me and gave me a hug. This may seem minor but when you only see kids once a week and that is literally just to drive them for 20 minutes, clearly you're doing something right if they enjoy seeing you.

Tuesday: Study sleep pack. Sit for 2 pointless hours in Reba's class. Dinner. Study sleep pack.
Wednesday: Music in Performance final. Study sleep pack.
Thursday; Psych final. LEAVE FOR HOME!!!

Well. You could say I'm excited :)

I'm topping off my night with some psych studying, room cleaning, and christmas list making while listening to amazing christmas songs and thinking about the wonders that await me at home including an 11 year old girl who is amazing and desperately needs some Catalina alum love.

Productivity at its Finest

Today was ridiculously busy and eventful. Where to begin? Hmm what does the song say...oh yeah...

Let's start at the very beginning


Work at 8 am. Small children=lots of smiles, hugs, drool, crying, diaper changes, and laughter. Pretty sure Danielle and I saw our future today. And for the most part...we'll be okay with it in about 10 years.

Lunch with Danielle. Realized, once again, that I miss her too much when we aren't doing shows together. Okay granted it's only been a week but that feels like forever when you're used to spending every night and part of the day with someone. And you wonder why I'm having issues moving away form SMC theatre.

Saw AIDA at the SF Opera House. Definitely a learning experience. Not sure opera is my thing but I'm glad I had the opportunity. Got to analyze all the tech elements. I'm such an awful audience member :)

Kicked butt studying for my Foundations of Theatre II final. If he sticks to the study guide material, I'll at LEAST get a B but hopefully an A. If he strays...then I wish myself luck.

Dinner at In N Out with Andrew Danielle and Kathleen

More studying, got back to my room at 10 pm after being away since 8 am

Other updates?
-Got some info about internships at the Lesher Center in Walnut Creek so I'm pursuing that. A little less worry knowing that it is possible to get an internship that is A, close to school, B, hires on a project-by-project basis, and C, potentially pays!
-Updating my webpage with more information and pictures. http://shannongaughf.wordpress.com.
-Finals studying under control for the moment
-It's my mentor's birthday. Enough said. Linda makes my world go round and we all know this.

And in other news

Something I didn't do yesterday but deserves to be acknowledged. 4 years ago I lost my uncle and godfather, Rob, to skin cancer. Although the sting of the loss has generally subsided, it's not something you completely get over. Rob was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2004. He fought his hardest and rarely let the disease get the best of him. Though divorced at the time, he was always surrounded by excellent friends and family who dearly loved him. His pride and joy were his kids. His son, Chris, was away at college but his daughter, Leah, was in high school at the time. In May 2006, it became clear that he could not adequately care for himself and for the first time in his life, my wonderfully stubborn uncle let someone else take care of him and he moved in with my family. The first day he moved in I was nervous...a little scared...a little unsure about what to do. I happened to have gotten an A on my first term paper that day and I told him about it...it was a small gesture but just a way to break the ice. 2006 was an important year. I turned 16. Rob got me a card that told me I would be a great driver, though he knew I was afraid to get my license. And he was there when I got home that day in November when I actually got my license. Tanner was going through a disgruntled phase and although he didn't talk much to us, he was forced to interact on a daily basis with Rob as the computer was in the guest room and that's where Rob lived. Tanner, as well as the rest of us, got the impact of having another strong male presence in the house. With 3 adults around it could be slightly intimidating for us as kids but I learned so much. I wish I could say that I "grew up" while he lived with us and I suddenly became a much stronger person but honestly, that was when I was at my weakest. Socially and academically I was struggling to find myself and establish a balance in my life. And at home I had the worries surrounding me every day. In June, my parents took Tanner to Arizona for a Diamondback's baseball game for his birthday leaving me at home alone with Rob. Even though I was 15, my parents felt comfortable with this situation and my aunt would frequently be checking in during the day and staying with us at night. But the first day my parents were gone, Rob suddenly took a turn for the worst. I have never been more grateful to see my aunt, who serendipitously showed up right when I felt too overwhelmed to handle the situation. Rob went into the hospital that night but, strong as ever, he fought and came out on top. As the months progressed his conditioned altered between pretty good and fairly poor. There were days I forgot he was sick and there were nights that I lay awake as his coughing in the next room haunted my dreams. I didn't talk about it much with my friends...I wasn't doing so well in that area and wasn't in any position to add more drama to a disparaging situation. As the semester came to a close, I began to prepare for finals and focus on my Christmas plans. Sunday December 3...I was scheduled to watch Dead Man Walking at school for a religion class assignment. I had recently gotten my license and that day my actual license arrived in the mail. My dad was letting me drive his car to school, a first for me. Before I left, I knew that Rob wasn't doing well but my parents attempted to shield me from the situation. As I sat in the Hills common room watching the movie, I had a sinking feeling something was desperately wrong. I returned home to discover that Rob had been admitted to the hospital again. As this was a recurring incident, none of us thought much of it. We had almost lost him so many times that this didn't seem to be any different. The next morning I woke up, put on my uniform, and went out to the kitchen as I did every morning. My dad was already there with Tanner. It was then that he told us, very matter of fact and very somberly, that Rob had passed away early that morning. I numbly went to school, trying to hold back tears at breakfast. When someone asked, I explained the reason for the emotions but didn't elaborate. By lunch I was ready to go home. I called my dad and as I sat on the front lawn, I put on the song Believe by Josh Groban as a method of coping. To this day it is the song that reminds me of my uncle and everything he represented. As I listen to it now, I am transported back 4 years...4 years ago when things were different...when we were all a little younger, a little more naive, a little less weathered. Time can't heal all but it does help. We will always miss him. He will no longer be the head of our table at family holidays and sharing in special conversations with the cousins but he's always with us. Uncle Rob, wherever you are...we love you so much and are so proud of how hard you fought. Our greatest comfort is that you are no longer in pain. We hope that wherever you are you will always look down on us and be proud of the work we are doing. Love forever and ever.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Tears of Joy, Tears of Sadness

And once again, we have completed our spring dance show. If I could do the dance show all year round I totally would. It's like my little prize for surviving the semester.

I've gotten over the habit of crying when a show is over so the fact that I cried while I left the theatre tonight says something. This show meant a lot more than just a bi-annual tradition. It was the culmination of months of hard work. It exemplified some of my best traits as a stage manager. I got to work with people I'd never gotten to know before. I got my one-on-one time with Linda. And it's my last dance show this year. I'm in denial but it's true. I'm not doing the spring dance show and right now it's breaking my heart. I know that once I get there it won't be a big deal but right now it's truly heartbreaking. Leaving the booth tonight was difficult. I won't be calling a show up there for another year as the spring theatre show will be held outside and it is more than likely that my internship will be happening in the fall. I feel secure in the booth. That's where I became a stage manager. That's where I've succeeded and failed more times than I can count. So I have to trust that everything I learned and loved in the booth will travel with me wherever I go and that these memories are strong enough to keep me going when times get tough.

To the fabulous dance company, crew, Cathy, and Linda--thank you for giving some of the happiest memories in the theatre. My tears tonight are for you, to express my immense gratitude towards your work and sadness that we will not have these moments again for a year. But I will be back and better than ever :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Openings and Optimism

Dance show opened tonight. The dancers were beautiful. As for me, it wasn't one of my better nights. I alternate between good and bad nights and last night was great so tonight wasn't so wonderful. There were some great calls but I wasn't entirely satisfied. This is typical though. If you've worked on any show with me, especially on crew, you know that I'm extremely picky when it comes to calling cues. Cue calling is my art form. I don't settle for anything less than perfect so I'm very hard on myself. Tomorrow will be better though. And we're filming so that would be even better.

It's just been one of those nights. One of those nights where I'm so focused on the future that I can't even enjoy the present. Tonight should have been a happy night for me and it was for awhile. Dinner, hanging out with the crew, warming up the house with the dancers, the circle...all extremely awesome. But at the end of tonight I couldn't help but think that everything is coming to an end. I don't deal well with change. I will resist it for as long as I can. The semester ends tomorrow. Saturday will be my last night calling a show in LeFevre for awhile...possibly an entire year. I feel similarly to how I felt around this time 4 years ago. Resistant to change, clinging on to everything I know and love, fearful for the future. My fears are increased exponentially as I prepare for internship and grad school applications. Suddenly the future seems very demanding. A tendency I have is to be very attached to the present moment and regard any change as a severe interruption in my happy little life plan. And I know that once I move on, I will be fine. After all, I've survived two summers away from SMC with no trouble and even nearly gave up working the fall show because I was focused on the current happiness of THAT time. But for now, all I can think about is how much I love working in LeFevre, how much I love the people there, and how much I'm going to miss everything. It's not like I won't be busy...at the moment I have 3 shows lined up for next semester plus one (or more) in June. But I'll miss being in the theatre. The spring theatre show at SMC is an outdoor show which will be incredible but different. And as of right now I won't be working the spring dance show. That one may be the hardest for me. The dance shows have been my thing for as long as I've been here and are the highlight of my semester. They're like the prize for surviving the theatre show. So I'll just have to find my method for coping with that week once it comes, whatever method that may be. After that...well I'll have to get an internship sometime next year as part of my graduation requirement, meaning giving up one SMC show. Leaving me with one more show in the theatre. Suddenly a year and a half doesn't seem like that far away...

Fantasies Versus Reality

Tonight's blog entry is inspired by my wonderful friend, Mey.
I just sent her a skype message saying this: "that whole adult thing? Yeah I'm avoiding it too. Applying to grad school/leaving SMC freaks me out even more than I'm willing to admit and I prefer to live in my daydreams, visualizing the potentially wonderful life I have ahead of me in about 5-10 years. Sometimes...your fantasies are just so much more appealing".

This statement comes out of my desperate desire to cling to my vanishing childhood. Being an adult just sounds so much more terrifying. Leaving the comfort of college, supporting yourself, sacrifices and challenges, worries. When you're in college they tell you to live your dream, do what makes you happiest, follow your passion. You hear this from everyone, from your siblings to your professors to those who just feel like they need to mentor the newest generation of students. But as this comes closer and closer, I get more and more anxious about what my future holds. I'm talented. But compared to the rest of the theatre community? I'm just one more stage manager trying to get my foot in the door. I want to go to grad school. Am I going to get in? Can I pay for it? Can I live that far away from home? Will I enjoy it? Is it worth it? All worries that float around daily, never truly escaping my mind to go play in some dark swamp. Nope, they prefer to live with me, damn thoughts.

So instead of truly letting myself grasp that reality, I prefer to live in fantasies. I visualize a life I hope to lead. In my mind, if I wish something hard enough...it's bound to come true.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Checklist

Dear 16 hour days. I'm not a fan of you. Please stop showing up so frequently.

Dance tech is off to a great start. My lighting looks good. The other designers have done a good job. Dancers are prepared. All is good.

CHECKLIST
Music In Performance Paper: DONE
Music in Performance Presentation: Wednesday
Theatre Masterpieces Presentation: DONE
ACTF Meeting: DONE
Theatrical Management Final Project: DONE
Lighting design: DONE
Dance tech: In Progress
Dance Shows: Opening Thursday!
AIDA: SUNDAY!
Foundations of Theatre studying: In progress
Music In Performance studying: In progress
Psych 1 studying: In progress
Foundations of Theatre Final
Music In Performance Final
Psych 1 Final


And then...home...wonderful wonderful home. Which sadly will not be much warmer than it is up here. I'm not okay with this 36 degree weather. In the words of my friend Vera...it needs to either snow or get warmer. Both are probable outcomes considering it did actually snow during finals week last year.


And FYI...there is a 97% chance I am entering myself into the KCACTF (Kennedy Center's American College Theatre Festival) Region VII Stage Management competition. Get ready Humboldt...there will be at least 20 SMC theatre kids heading your way in February. Oh dear lord, what an adventure we will have :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

One two three blast off

Alright, that was fun. Back to reality. Dance show tech starts tomorrow...which is technically today since it is past midnight. The good news? I'm ready. My lighting design is set to go, cue sheets ready for the crew, checklists galore. We're all set on that front. The bad news? Not exactly sure when I have time to sit down tomorrow. These 12 hour days are starting to wear on me. I'm going to literally have to schedule time to scavenge for food and consume it at one point.

We're in full swing Christmas mode here in Freitas 24. Our suite looked like Santa's reindeer spewed candy canes. Good thing I love Christmas. Oh. and we're having a party on Friday. You're all invited.

Finals. Oh finals. How I tried to forget they existed. It didn't work. Apparently my mind powers aren't working anymore because despite my best effort, I do still have to turn in a project on tuesday and take 3 finals next week. I'm just glad the other project and paper are already completed. I feel like I haven't had this much work for finals since high school. The days of taking 6 (or 7 if your art elective teacher was really evil) sound so long ago and mind boggling. In the seemingly short time since I graduated, I've lost my ability to rationalize the validity of finals. And no one puts happy little jokes and extra credit on their finals in college. Nope we're all about being serious in the performing arts department...okay that's a lie but not when it comes to finals. I do get extra credit in psych. However...these extra credit questions will not involve guessing a Christmas carol or drawing a picture...they will be twice as hard as the regular exam questions and will probably kick my butt.

Let the countdown to home once again begin :)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving in all its Goodness

Here are some Thanksgiving photos! I absolutely love my family. I've also included a video I made for my cousin Leah who couldn't be home for Thanksgiving this year for the first time. We missed her very much but know that she had a great Thanksgiving in Colorado.







Thursday, November 25, 2010

Let the Christmas Festivities Commence!

I've literally been waiting for this EXACT moment since September.

I have a rule. I cannot listen to Christmas music before midnight on Thanksgiving, a rule I tweak to fit my needs...which usually means as soon as dinner is done...but the day does not change. I love Christmas music so much that I will grow tired of it if I listen to it too soon. But now it's allllll mine. Get excited folks, if you're in my car or anywhere near me during the next month, you're going to hear an awful lot of "its the most wonderful day of the year" "winter wonderland" and my favorite "why couldn't it be christmas everyday"

Thanksgiving was brilliantly lovely. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, soccer game in the park, fun food kids and laughter at home. We even set up an indoor movie theatre upstairs and all of us gathered to watch "UP".

I literally live the quintessential Thanksgiving. Family gathered around a table, kids running and laughing, hugs and smiles right and left, plenty of good food...no one yells or fights or is angry...no one feels left out...it's a really beautiful blessing.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thank You

I'm currently on a Thank You theme at the moment. This is my absolute favorite time of year and I can't help but be thankful for everything about my life. I love the theatre show, striking, hanging and focusing lights for the dance show for hours in the theatre, thanksgiving break, dance show, finals, christmas...I'm absolutely in love with everything.
In my life, the people are what make everything count. They are my reasons to get up in the morning and the reasons to pray at night. And I say thank you, to those in my life who stick around through the good and bad. To those who inspire and lead me. And to those I simply just love. I don't know if thank you says enough. But...thank you. Thank you for everything.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Music and Memories

It's incredible how powerful a memory aid music can be. This past summer I worked on Ace Dance Academy's annual concert with Linda and her roommate Megan who owns the company. It was a two day commitment, seemingly nothing major. I really enjoyed myself but hadn't thought of it much since then. Today Megan gave me a copy of the DVD and I haven't been able to tear my eyes away from it since. Every happy moment of that weekend suddenly came flooding back. As soon as I heard those songs, I began to smile as I remembered how incredibly fun that show was. It got me out of my SMC environment in a new theatre, working with new people. Being Linda's ASM for the first time was pretty cool. And it was a great experience. I love that I now have the DVD to remind me every time I get sad about how much I enjoyed that show and how much I'm looking forward to the next one!

Be Thankful

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am overwhelmed with emotions. This is my favorite time of the year. SMC theatre show heading straight into dance show prep, thanksgiving break, dance show tech and performances, finals, christmas. I can't help but smile. Thinking about how lucky I am gives me every reason to get up and dance to proclaim just how much I love everything in my life. It isn't always easy to remember but everything happens for a reason. I don't know exactly what I believe. I believe in God, that much I am certain of. I love sitting in the chapel by myself, reflecting and engaging in silent prayer. Those are special moments for me. But I frequently have to thank His higher power for everything in my life. Times are tough. The economy still sucks. Morales are down. It's not an easy time for anyone which is why it is so important to find the good. My dad lost his job a couple days ago. But I'm grateful my mom still has hers. I'm going to be in serious debt with college and grad school. But I'm grateful I will have the opportunity to attend both. I'm sad that my time at Saint Mary's is going by too quickly. But I'm grateful for the times I get to spend with people and I'm remembering to appreciate every little moment. I push myself to work 12 hour days to get what I want. But I'm grateful that my stubborn and determined nature is paying off academically and professionally. When it seems like things are getting too hard to handle...step back for a second. Think about what you love and what means the most to you, leave everything else out. And that's what is going to get you through until the next day. For me, this means I'm thankful I have a loving and wonderful family that entirely supports me. I'm thankful for my high school giving me the tools I needed for success and for friends that will last a lifetime. I'm thankful for my best friends who will always be here to laugh with, bitch with, going on adventures with, and be proud to know. I'm thankful for Anna, for being in my life and sticking with me for the past 6 years. I'm thankful for Linda, for those moments we get to share in the theatre and for teaching me how to be the best person and stage manager I can be. And I'm thankful for everyone in my life. No matter how infrequently I see you, you matter. And you always will.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Angels Update

Time for an ANGELS update

Just finished the first show of our closing weekend. The adjudicator for ACTF came tonight and said this was the best college production of Angels in America that he had ever seen. Last week the first adjudicator said he gave us a "highly recommended" which means our chances of going to ACTF are getting better!

We are so excited and so proud of this work. No matter what happens this process has been worth it. And just to get a taste of what we have been doing...

This is a video I made about the rehearsal process of Angels. If you watch it all the way through, you'll see an actual clip from the end of the show!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqANH9r2EXw

You've Got a Friend in Me

My relationships with people are the most precious part of my life. I value my friendships over everything and am truly blessed with the wonderful people I've come into contact with. I absolutely love personal connections with people and enjoy spending time one on one with my friends. Whether it's a quick phone call or an hour long talk on the couch in the theater, those intimate moments are what make my relationships special. I'm the person at a party you'll find in the corner talking with one friend rather than standing in a group conversing about the latest trend or gossip. It may seem trivial but simply finding time to catch up with someone can make all the difference in the world. I tend to talk on the phone in the middle of the quad near the theater because it's a big open space and you never feel crowded. Just being able to show someone that you care enough to talk to just them for any length of time can transform friendships in beautiful ways. Those few moments of personal connection make all the difference. I'm the kind of person who loves texting, talking online, private phone calls, and "friend dates" because in those moments, it's just you and them. No interference, no competition. Just you and your friend, sharing some special time. And I'm lucky that I'm able to do that.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Human Heart

Tonight, a song called The Human Heart has come onto my ipod twice. You may not recognize it but I give you props if you do. It's from a beautiful show called Once on this Island. I did this show first semester sophomore year at Catalina and to this day, it has been my favorite show to work on. I don't know if it was the music, the ensemble nature of the show, or the general atmosphere associated with the process but I absolutely loved being backstage for this show. I made connections with special friends, I was given real responsibility for the first time (I was head of stage right-a HUGE deal for me), and I couldn't remember anything bad about it. It's honestly a pretty twisted story with a not so pleasant ending but I fell in love with it anyway. The cast was extraordinary and I really felt like I belonged in the theater community.
It's shows like that which remind me why I do this. Why I push myself to work 20-30 hours a week on something that I neither pays me nor runs for more than two weekends. Why I adamantly defend the validity of technical theater as a major. Why I will talk for hours about the importance of theater in a community. I've done over 40 shows since I was 14 and every single one has touched me in a unique way. While I have not enjoyed every show nor been pleasant for every moment of the rehearsal process, it is always worth it.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Live Your Life

"Far away there in the sunshine are my brightest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." - Louisa May Alcott


I hear on a daily basis how lucky I am to have found my passion so young in life. I've essentially known what I wanted to do with my life since I was 14. Though I didn't confirm this until 4 years later, I think deep down I always knew. This is what I'm meant to do with my life. Being a stage manager is a whirlwind of drama, hugs, office supplies, 20+ daily emails, hours of rehearsal, surprising breakthroughs, organizational overload, and tremendous pride. I've grown immensely in the past 2 years, mostly in part to my incredible mentor Linda. As I begin the conclusion of my first semester of junior year, the terrors and excitement of my future are starting to heavily weigh on my life. In a year and 6 months, I will be out on my own. Hopefully about to enter an excellent graduate school program but that has yet to be determined. And it's scary. For two years I've lived in the comfort of my home base, LeFevre Theatre. And I knew that no matter how challenging the problem or how overwhelming the rehearsal process, I would always be surrounded by my support system. I never felt like I was alone. Linda has been there every step of the way and, for the past year, so has Danielle. I knew that I would never be without guidance or advice if something got too challenging and I was never far away from someone telling me that I was doing a good job. My skills as a stage manager have almost reached the professional level and I know that once I graduate I will be more than prepared for my next adventure. Linda has fine tuned my skills to an expert's level. Whenever I question whether I'm doing something right, I hear her voice in my head telling me how to do my job. She has made me into the stage manager I am today and I cannot thank her enough for that. But I'm scared. I'm scared knowing that once I leave she won't be there to mediate if a director and I have a disagreement or reinforce that my decisions are correct. I will simply have to trust that she has taught me well enough to conquer the challenges my future holds. Theatre is full of challenges. Theatre is subjective. One person's point of view is rarely the same as another's. I hope to take away from her tutelage the ability to manage both sides of every story and be objective in every situation. I admire the skills she has developed for tackling each unique problem presented. She always has an answer. She always listens to both sides. And she is always supportive. It's very special to have a person like that working for your company. It will be hard knowing that I will not have her by my side once I leave but she'll always be with me. It would be impossible to go on without her. So although soon enough I will not be seeing her everyday, dropping in on her office, getting stage management lectures, and calling her when I absolutely cannot handle a situation, she'll still be there. And when the time comes to leave, I'll be ready.
So this is me saying, thank you Linda. For making me into the stage manager I am today, for being my mentor, and for being there for me every step of the way. I hope that I always make you proud.

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's Time to Give Thanks

Inspired by my wonderful friend Bri.


What I'm Thankful For

-Theatre
-Stage Management
-Finding my passion early on in life
-Stage managing with my best friend
-St Mary's
-Being in college
-Having 2 jobs I can manage
-My family
-Anna and Fiona
-My friends
-My health
-Sitting in the library surrounded by research materials
-Crisp weather
-Dressing up
-How Catalina changed my life
-Summer Camp
-Living in Monterey
-Meeting people who change my life
-Everything happens for a reason
-God
-Spirituality
-Sitting in silence
-My car
-Getting into the car to drive home
-Blasting music in the car
-Visiting my Catalina girls at school
-Catalina reunions
-Carmel
-Singing
-Staying in contact with teachers
-Linda
-Theater families
-Hannah
-Danielle and Andrew
-In N Out being in San Ramon
-My daddy for being my inspiration
-My mom for being my guiding light
-My brother for being my reason to keep pushing forward
-Anna. For making dreams come true
-Danielle for being my other half
-Kathleen for being the ray of hope I need in my life
-Warm beds
-Dancing
-Ballet
-Dance teachers
-Working the dance shows
-Bonfires at carmel beach
-Driving around my catalina girls
-My girls
-My house
-Thanksgiving. With all its memories, happiness, warmth, and love
-Christmas songs
-Christmas decorations
-Spending Christmas with my family
-My cell phone
-My computer
-My stuffed animals
-Mey
-St. Mary's friends
-Surprises
-Making new friends
-All the love in my life

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Mey, this is for you

Angels opens in 8 days. Where the time went, I have no idea. I'll skip all the frustrations because that's not stuff you want to hear.
The show is going to be gorgeous. The actors are phenomenal. I am in love with the cast and crew and are amazed by them. You would be so proud of them, Mey. Everyone is working so hard. And we really miss you. I am really proud of all the work you are doing in DC. We wish you could be here with us but you're here with us in spirit. We love you so much!! xoxoxo

Friday, October 22, 2010

3 Weeks Until Opening!

I've been failing as a blogger recently. Too much goes on around here!. Well. Anna has left for the peace corps. My heart is breaking but will slowly be repaired. ANGELS opens in less than 3 weeks!! Where did the time go?? The show looks brilliant. We still have plenty of kinks to work out but I cannot wait to see the final product. Paper tech is on Sunday and Tuesday and we've allowed for 11 hours total-yikes! I said during RENT that I would never again work a show with 15 chairs. After working with 5 different doors during Angels, I will no longer work a show with multiple moving doors that have no place backstage and get caught on just about everything possible, break the set, and require 2 people to move them gracefully. First off book run through was last night. It was...interesting to say the least haha. Let's just say the actors still have some work to do :) It really is an impressive show. I'm proud of the work we have accomplished so far and loving who I'm working with. There are moments of panic and frustration which are becoming more frequent but as we all know, it's to be expected at this point in the rehearsal process and will soon disappear. That's all for now. Love to all. We miss you Mey!

Monday, September 27, 2010

To My Favorite DC Girl

We miss you Mey! SMC isn't the same without you. We love you so much and are so proud of you. Your California friends will always keep you in our hearts.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Week...4?

I think it's the 4th week of school. I always lose track around this point.
First day of fall! Cannot wait for the upcoming holidays. And I can't wait until september is finally over. I much prefer October. And November. And December.
Rehearsals are awesome. We're starting to block. And I'm so excited for Michael to continue building the set. This show should be fairly magical :)
Psych test Thursday. Yikes. There's so much material, I feel like I'm studying for a final. Looking forward to THAT being over.
Two Music in Performance events this weekend plus work on Sunday so my weekend will be nice a busy. Which is good I think because I desperately need distractions to keep me from fixating on the fact that Anna is leaving in less than 4 weeks and me freaking out isn't going to change the inevitable.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Time to Say Goodbye

This weekend has seemed like a dream. It was so surreal.

Anna and I have been planning for 2 weeks to surprise our campers (boarders at Catalina) as one last goodbye before she leaves for the peace corps. She flew in on Friday to San Jose and one of our other campers who lives in SF, Claire, and I drove down to pick her up. We then drove down to Monterey to stay at my house and we were joined by 4 other counselors. We spent Friday night making smores, taking thousands of pictures and videos, and plotting for the next morning. Anna and Meg stayed in the guest room while Brenna, Ivanna, Claire, and I stayed in my room. Ivanna fell asleep pretty quickly but Claire, Brenna, and I stayed up talking for awhile which I think Claire really enjoyed. We were able to hear about the tough transition high school has been for her and give her some of our advice to help her through it. It was a really nice bonding moment.

7 am came REALLY fast. Although we were dead tired, we piled into our cars and drove to Catalina, still dead quiet as it was 8 am by the time we reached campus. We first knocked on the door of our favorite/most incredible teacher who was also the assistant director of camp. Saw her amazing kids, filled her in on more of the details of our plan, and then we headed over to Thompson dorm. I had Anna's camera and I took the video of them sneaking over to the dorm. I guided them down the hallway to Katie and Caroline's room and captured their very shocked and amazed reactions as 7 of us piled into their room. We were greeted with similar reactions by the other rooms. Lots of hugging, laughing, and well screaming. We quickly became very unpopular with the other freshmen who did not know us and did not appreciate the noise at 8 am. We went down to the dining hall with the girls and it was just like camp all over again. Singing Edelwiess (in a round) at the top of our lungs, playing the clapping game that has become camp tradition, and general happiness and merriment. We eventually ended up at the dance studio and had the biggest most epic dance party of our lives. I absolutely loved it. The tears starting flowing when we eventually had to leave-they nearly didn't let Anna leave. But we got back into our cars and Anna, Claire, and I drove up to SF. Ivanna and Brenna would join us soon. We drove to Orinda, BARTed into the city (anna's first experience-very exciting) and took the cable car to Claire's completely adorable flat. She lives right across from a wonderful park and next to the magnificent Grace Cathedral. We spent awhile walking around, playing in the park, taking pictures by the chapel...so much fun. We eventually were met by Ivanna and Brenna and had dinner. We walked across almost the entire city the end of the day and were completely exhausted but completely content with life. Anna returned to SMC with me where she met my suitemates as well as Liam and Danielle. I gave her a campus tour, showing her everything that was important to me at school. Eventually it was time to take her back to the airport and although I was sad, I was distracted and happy enough that it wasn't a sad goodbye. More of a "I love you see you in 2 years" kind of goodbye.

The tears didn't start until about an hour ago. Suddenly I am completely overwhelmed by the fact that I won't see her for over 2 years and there is a possibility of her getting killed. She's going to Niger, the poorest country in the world and also a center of violence at times. This realization is starting to settle in and I am so scared I can hardly express it. I've never been so fearful for someone's life before nor had so little control over the situation. Our only communication will be letters. If something happens to her...well...I'm not going to be the first to know about it. And it's scary knowing she will be alone and scared at times and that there is a possibility of her getting hurt or worse, killed, and I won't know about it. I'm saying a million prayers and hoping that Anna has both the time of her life and comes back happy, healthy, and rejuvenated. I must be brave.

Dear God...please bring her back safely. She has to come back. We love her too much.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Exciting Moments

Liam's dad came to speak at rehearsal last night about his experience of the AIDS crisis when he and his wife were students at UCLA and volunteered their time to take care of AIDS patient. What a remarkable night. I don't think any of us lost interest in the hour he spent talking to us. It was a really powerful speech that left an impact.

I have an extremely exciting weekend coming up but in case people that this affects read my blog, I cannot go into detail until it's over. All I can say is...it's going to make some girls extraordinarily happy.

Btw. GRE? AHHHHH. Gotta start thinking about that. Thought I was past those freaking standardized tests and suddenly I was reminded that in order to get into my dream school...I really have to do well. Damn.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Redefining Words

Tonight's rehearsal really had an impact on me. As we had finally finished reading the entire play (a 6 hour feat), discussions and analyzations were finally in full swing. And as we were discussing specific elements of the characters, one cast member brought up the idea of "coming out" out of the context of being gay. She referenced coming out with a certain political affiliation or religious beliefs and suddenly, the play was directly relevant to my life. Reid asked the group what the political demographic of the theatre community tended to lean towards and nearly everyone automatically said liberal or democrat. He then mentioned that some people in the group might be Republican...which alarmed several cast members. And that really resonated with me. I'd never really thought that I was "hiding" the fact that I'm conservative...I just opt to not bring it up with general company because I'm not knowledgeable nor willing enough to debate my ideologies with some of the most passionate people on the planet who will make attempts to shoot me down. But now I think of it in a whole different context. And although I will still not vocalize my political views (I honestly hate discussing politics as it tends to pull my closest people apart), it's giving me something to think about.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Angels. Literal and Figurative.

It is officially week 3 of school at St. Mary's. My classes are still going well. Can I just state for the record that I truly love being a theatre major? I recently sat down and re-planned out my class schedule from now until I graduate. Not such a scary thing when you're a freshman but when you're suddenly down to 3.5 semesters left...it's a bit nervewracking. Suddenly I feel like I'm back in high school, trying to figure out where I'm applying to college. I already know where I'm applying to grad school and I know where I want to go. And when I'm ready to tell people I will. But it's extremely overwhelming trying to figure out how I'm going to visit, when I'm going to visit, what conventions I should attend, should I attend ACTF this year, am I willing to miss school to attend these, do I have the money, etc etc etc. However I do not have time to dwell on this because my heart currently belongs to a beautiful production of Angels in America. I'm like one of those moms who thinks her kid is the best thing in the world. Obviously she's biased as she produced this kid. But whatever. This production of Angels is going to be incredible and I will fight anyone who thinks otherwise. The joy I have being surrounded by some of my closest friends and being able to share this experience with them is indescribable. They are fully committed to their roles and it's actually heartwrenching to watch some of the scenes--and that's just the table reading. I have no doubt that once we get this production up on its feet it will tear our hearts out and make us even closer as a company. The amount of love, care, and respect we have for each other is incredible and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Friday, September 3, 2010

School Updates

I am officially back at school and settling into my regular routine. Back at school for less than a week and I'm settling into my typical routine. Classes, rehearsal, work, repeat. I am loving my classes. Auditions for Angels in America were today and callbacks are tomorrow and Saturday. Rehearsals start on Tuesday. I started my new job and the little girl is very sweet. It's been 90-100 degrees since Monday so I am definitely getting my fill of warm weather. My absolute favorite part of the day is dusk when it is wonderfully warm and I feel the most content. 3 day weekend coming up--can't wait!

Love to the Catalina girls--congrats on surviving your first week and I am proud of you for your auditions and try outs!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Settling In

I am now completely moved in and settled at St. Mary's. Well...moved in at least. Takes me awhile to really settle into a new situation. I'm not a fan of change nor transition but once I'm comfortable in a routine, I'll be fine. I've already had many adventures including target, a 10:00 pm trip to in n out, and a frightening but funny encounter with one of my least favorite people and tomorrow is my first day of classes so that should bring even more excitement.
I am concluding my night by cuddling in my nice new bed with my stuffed animals and watching Julie and Julia as a reminder of the last time I saw this movie and the happiness that surrounded it.
Happy first day of Catalina, girls, I am so happy for you!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

What a Wonderful World

My final day in Monterey was amazing. I have my car back. I have a new *working* ipod player for my car. Both cars are packed up and ready to go in the morning. Got to see the campers/new freshmen at Catalina which was beyond wonderful and I'm thrilled that they are all together. And now I'm ready for school! Soon to be reunited with some of my best friends. And I already have a ridiculous schedule for the week.

Sunday:
7 am:Leave for school
9 am: Arrive at school, begin to unpack
2 pm: Show Alena where her classes are
5 pm: Work meeting
7 pm: End work meeting, TARGET trip with Danielle and Kathleen!

Monday:
10:20-2:00: Class
6 pm: Work meeting

Tuesday
1:10-5:30: Class
Prep for auditions

Wednesday
10:20-12:30: Class
3:00: Work
4:20-7: Auditions

Thursday
1:10-2:40: Class
3:00: Work
3:30-9:00: Auditions

Friday
10:20-2:00: Class
3:30: Performing Arts Department party
4:30-9:00: Auditions and callbacks

Saturday
10:00-3:00: Callbacks


Smile, though your heart is aching

I sit in my room surrounded by my possessions and I can't help but have a aching longing for the memories of this summer. I have always had incredible summers full of laughter and memories but this one in particular was superb. Camp was a whirlwind of singing, dancing, hugs, kisses, and smiles. These girls fill my hearts with joy and I am so glad we came together to meet at camp. Although camp has ended for many of them, so many more will soon be joining their legacy. I feel as close to them outside of camp as I when I was their counselor which is a testament to the incredible bonds we have formed. I look forward to seeing them grow up.
I had to say goodbye to my sister once more and this time was different. I'd become fairly accustomed to the 6 month separation that had become a standard of our relationship and even survived an entire year. But how I say goodbye for 2 and a half years? On her 18th birthday, during her birthday announcement, I told her that no matter how far apart we are, I would always be her little sister. A few months later, she told me, "you're my sister. we're family. you don't forget family". We are put the test as she is just months away from leaving for Africa and changing the world. I could be upset that she is leaving during a time when I need her the most but honestly, how could you get mad at someone who is doing so much good for the world? For the time being, I put aside the selfish longing of wanting my sister here with me and focus on the power she has to literally change the world. It prides me to know she is unselfish, good hearted, and kind enough to give herself to others for this extended period of time.
The song Smile by Charlie Chaplin provides inspiration and comfort to me. It's powerful lyrics are applicable and necessary to take to heart at this point in my life.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.



My dearest Anna, I love you

Monday, June 7, 2010

In My Life, I've Loved You More

My weekend has been incredible. Besides all of the hassle that's surrounding my life, I had such a great time this weekend. Spent time with family and friends, and outside in the amazing weather. Monterey has been 80 degrees all weekend--nearly unheard of. It put me in such a great mood.

I'm realizing more and more every day how blessed I am with my wonderful family. I spent yesterday and today with my cousins, Lisa and Leah. Lisa is the oldest of the cousins has always been my buddy. She was the cousin I wanted to hang out with when I was little and she is still the fun yet protective one. Leah and I are the closest in age and I have always loved spending time with her. I love when she visits. Both Lisa and Leah's dad's passed away within two years of each other. It was very difficult on all of us but especially on them and their families. Today Leah and I had the opportunity to talk about her dad and it was an amazing experience. I always want to talk about and hear stories about her dad, my Uncle Rob, but I usually have to wait until family functions or an old family friend comes over and even then I have to eavesdrop on conversations. She and I talked for nearly an hour about him and his life and how much we missed him but how awesome he was. He lived with us for the last 6 months of his life and Leah told me how grateful she was that my family had him living with us and acknowledged how difficult and painful it must have been for us. It was not an easy year for us. He had some really great and some really scary moments. Many scares but many laughs. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't affect me--I still can't hear people coughing in the middle of the night without immediately thinking of him and I'll never forget my fears--but it was also rewarding. I spent more time with him and learned more about him in those 6 months than I ever had before. It was so nice to spend time with her today.

I've also heard many stories this weekend about families splitting up, kids going to rehab, kids witnessing death, and other life altering stories. One girl in Salinas recently was in a car accident where her two best friends were killed and less than 2 months later witnessed the death of a friend's grandfather. I can't even imagine how she is feeling and my heart aches for her. I don't know if you can call my uncles' deaths "lucky" but I can say that I was fortunate to have been away when both of them passed away. All of these families that have so much to deal with make me even more appreciative of the incredible family (and by family, I include my amazing friends without whom I would be lost in the world) I have been blessed with. Nothing compares to their love.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Updates. Again.

You would think that with all my free time I would be updating more. Oops.
A lot has been going on. It's been a difficult couple of weeks but I'm staying positive. That's the only thing that will really cure this!

I've been home for a little over a week. I miss St.Mary's and the east bay but it's not quite as bad as it was last week. I'm heading up next weekend to work a show for Linda, to see Sam, and to watch the Tonys with Danielle. I cannot wait.

My girls graduated! I cannot believe they're going to college. My relationship with them has been a cross between a sister/mentor/mother and to see all 6 of them graduate was incredible. I couldn't be more proud. I also miss them very much and aware of the changes that will be coming up. But the graduation was beautiful as always and I had a wonderful day with them. I'll always remember the times we shared at Catalina with great fondness-they gave me some of the best memories. Brittny Marie, Taylor Mariah, Caroline Holly, Alexandra Nicole, Alena Christine, and Caitlin Muriel--I love you!

My financial situation has taken a turn for the worst. If I don't get scholarships or approved for enough loans, I won't be back at SMC in the fall. I've always known that money is a concern but I naively assumed it would work itself out. That may still happen but our time is very tight to figure this out. Tensions are high and the idea of not going back to SMC absolutely terrifies me. I refuse to entertain the idea because I can't handle it. I'm just going to keep calling banks, looking for scholarships, and keeping my fingers crossed because that's really all I can do right now.

My grandma is living with us part time. She's 94. She has always been the most active, independent woman of her age that I've ever known but about 2 months ago, she fell and fractured her hip. Her hip is doing much better but her fall was an indicator that she had taken a turn for the worst. Her memory is not very strong and neither is her eyesight. She requires around the clock supervision. She stays with us once or twice a week and it is both the most rewarding and most heartbreaking part of my life. She is completely sweet and sincere and she has the wittiest remarks that come out of nowhere. I know her life will be ending sometime soon--it could be tomorrow, it could be 5 years from now--but it is inevitable. It's both sad and amazing to have her around.

Sam was in the hospital. Her sister Zoe told me on Monday and I nearly had a heart attack. She'll be totally fine and I really shouldn't worry but the mention of hospitals freak me out. It could be for the most minor injury or illness and I would still get an awful feeling. I've had enough of hospitals this year...please no more...I love people too much.

That whole first kiss situation from May is still floating around in my mind. It did not end well. If you want details...just ask, I'll give them. All I have to say is boys need to think before they act. They can end up really hurting people who care about them.

All in all, I'm trying to stay positive. I have a lot of worries but I'm trying not to let them get me down. I have both Beauty and the Beast and Rent to look forward to. Summer camp always cheers me up. And I have the best friends in the world. Everything happens for a reason...I just gotta keep remembering that.