I'm Disgruntled

*Dedicated to Anna Hunt, who needs to really read this and listen to what I am saying :D
xoxoxox


The problem with society (or, to be more specific, youth culture) is that adolescents are so focused on creating an image for themselves that they can't recognize their actual beauty. Being in middle school is hard. Being 11 is even harder. Not only are you suddenly facing a new school system with 6+ classes and teachers, you are desperately trying to figure out who you are as a person and the only way you know how is to compare yourself to others. Not to mention that whole puberty thing. Because everyone develops at different rates (yours truly developed very early. and it basically ruined my life. ok that's an exaggeration but it was difficult relating to my peers), friendships tend to change and attitudes start to make their appearances. Suddenly being "cool" is the new thing. Everyone wants to appear grown up and mature and act like they have a handle on their lives when really, they are just as scared as the next person. Although it's not easy being the kid looking in on what appears to be a flawless life, these "popular" kids have just as many anxieties as the rest. They just hide it behind their clothes, their makeup, their friendships, their relationships, their accessories. Even so, it's hard to be the kid who feels like she doesn't fit in with her peers simply because they are developing at different rates. You feel isolated and sometimes even ostracized, especially if close friends are changing and you simply don't fit with them anymore. It's nothing that either of you did on purpose, it's just part of life. Even so it can be heartbreaking.
I was that kid in middle school, not gonna lie. When I was 11, everything was against me. Glasses, braces, acne, zero fashion sense, out of control hair, and to top it off, I carried around about 4-5 bags everyday because I couldn't combine anything. I looked like a walking nightmare. I was also at a new school in a new school district where most of the kids had been in school together since elementary school. I felt like "the new kid" the whole time I was there. I desperately wanted a boy to like me, to look nice, to have a solid group of friends. I did find solace in my best friend, Gaby, who I met in 7th grade and I was in the concert band. But I envied the popular girls who had perfect hair and clothes, didn't seem to have any flaws, and naturally knew how to interact with boys. I wanted that more than I could admit. But middle school is a time for discovery. I found out a lot about myself. It took me until years later to realize that
1. Those weren't the kinds of boys I should be hanging around with anyway
2. I was a nicer person than most of those girls
3. I was trying to find my passion in life while they were content to find the perfect outfit and flirt with our classmates
4. It wasn't that I was less mature than my classmates, I just didn't have any interest in acting young. I was what can be classified as an "old soul". I wanted to be an adult. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself with the boys, I wanted a relationship. And I didn't want to spend my time on frivolous activities, I wanted to find a career.
And since when does having a boyfriend deem you mature? In my opinion, some of the most obnoxious, immature people I've met are those who make themselves crazy over a relationship.

My point is, middle school does not last forever. High school is when the big changes came. I learned how to conduct myself with elegance and poise, I made great, lasting friendships, I found clothing and hair styles that better suited me, and I discovered that being cool had nothing to do with who I am as a person. It wasn't a complete turn around; I wasn't "cool" in high school either but I was respected and I loved what I did. I loved having a responsibility to the theatre, I loved the people I met and their influence on me, I loved the experiences I gained. Middle school was a great learning experience and I'm actually glad I had the experience I did because I'm able to relate to young girls who don't feel like they fit in when actually, they are destined for something bigger. 3 years will eventually fly by and high school will be the best thing that ever hit you compared to those years.

And I can tell you...it's worth the wait :)