Tonight my family and I were talking about Tanner's and my childhood. Looking back, I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
My parent originally didn't want children so they were older when I was born. We lived in a tiny little house on 1st Street in Monterey, the same house my mom and grandpa bought before she moved to Washington. We still own this house and rent it out. It's an absolutely adorable house, perfect for a small family. We had a happy little life there. From the beginning I was a picky child. My cousins frequently tell stories of my stubbornness and lack of affection for anyone besides my mom and grandma. Obviously this has changed. I was an angel for my mom, not so much for others. I had four older cousins to play with and I loved them.
We moved into our new house (in the same location where we are living now) a few months before Tanner was born. Nice backyard and kids in the neighborhood to play with. Tanner and I loved living there. Our childhood was great. Our parents taught us good values and supported us in all of our endeavors. Although neither of us found our talents until well into our adolescence, our parents were there to support me through the trial and error process of ballet, gymnastics, flute, piano, and roller skating and through Tanner's sports attempts. We didn't listen to popular music so we weren't considered very knowledgeable of that but we developed a deep appreciation for what my mom classifies as "happy music", meaning oldies music. We listened to a radio station every morning that played only music from the 40s, 50, and 60s. Until I was 10, I owned 2 CDs--a two disc Disney CD collection. We also listened to singers such as Raffi, Mary Lee Sunseri, Nancy Raven, and Tim Culbertson religiously.
We had rules and structure but it never felt too restricted. Dessert was a rarity and we had to ask permission. We weren't allowed to eat in our rooms but I definitely broke that rule. Bed was by 7:30 or 8:00 at the latest. We were always read to. Until I was 11, my daddy would read to me every night. We got through the Little House on the Prairie series, Narnia, some of Harry Potter, and countless others until I finally grew too old to pay attention. He always ended the night with a back massage, my favorite thing in the world. No TV on school nights, a rule that is still implemented in my household. So we got a whopping dose of world news every night since that's what my parents were watching. We grew up with Sunday Morning (a education news program) every Sunday morning and 60 Minutes every Sunday night. I also became very fond of my mom's tv shows such as Judging Amy, ER, and Ed. I wasn't allowed to watch Friends, Will and Grace, or Sex and the City until I was 13 so I missed that whole craze but I didn't care. Sunday nights after 60 minutes there was the Wonderful World of Disney, a program that showed a different family-friendly movie every Sunday night. We always watched the beginning and when we were allowed to watch the whole thing, it was a huge deal.
We were happy kids. My parents were my world. I wasn't a very outgoing girl, I was small for my age, and I clung to friends that were a bit bossy but I was smart. I was respectful in class and was often called "a teacher's dream". You can imagine what that meant for my social life. I didn't mind too much. Sure I wanted a large group of friends like the other girls did but I discovered over the years that I function much better with a small group of amazing friends.
We were educated in the arts. Reading became my passion early on. I was also encouraged (well...I don't know if I really had a choice) to play the flute starting in 4th grade and I continued until senior year in high school. I've take dance on and off since I was 7. Tanner began his music training when he was 10 playing the drums. He was also a good visual artist whereas I lacked any talent for painting, drawing, sculpting, or weaving. We were taken to plays and music concerts very frequently. I'm grateful my parents encouraged us to engage in so many activities. When people ask me what I do, I say I stage manage but can also add in that I'm a dancer, singer, and musician and have gymnastic and roller skating training. Having a diverse background is great.
Sports really weren't my thing. But I did gymnastics and roller skating, trying my hardest to excel. In the end I really lacked natural talent but I stuck with gymnastics for 6 years and skating for 4. I was proud of myself for doing my best.
My parents frequently say I didn't "peak" while I was in school and for that I'm actually happy. Minus the interesting experience of middle school, I was content most of the time. I had great friends. I discovered what I was good at and what needed work. And all of that has helped turn me into the individual I am now. I had something to aspire towards. I knew that there was more out there for me than popularity and boyfriends. I learned patience and hard work and how to turn a negative situation into something positive. Something you gotta suffer through a little bit of bad to find the true happiness in your life.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
My Greatest Days
My greatest days aren't marked with expensive treats, wild adventures, or mass quantities of people. Nope, my best memories are often the every day moments that stick with you. Spent with people I love. Today was just your average day but it was incredible. Dance class, lunch. Danielle and I napped while Kathleen was at a theater meeting. Then we just hung out. By this point in our lives, we are delirious and ridiculous nearly all day long which makes any moment with us fairly entertaining. We planned weddings. We laughed a lot. We fell over a few times. Watched some funny youtube videos. And we just had a really good time. We also attended the Jan Term show tonight, Snow White, which was INCREDIBLE. Absolutely loved it! I'm so glad I didn't work on it because I really appreciated the magic moments and the extremely witty dialogue. Mel's Diner afterwards with the 4 of us, as always. Watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off when I got back to my room and am FINALLY seeing the light at the end of the tunnel it terms of finishing the production book!
These happy days are yours and mine xoxo
These happy days are yours and mine xoxo
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Make You Feel My Love
Tonight's blog is dedicated to my daddy.
I went back to watch the dvd of Thoroughly Modern Millie last night. This was my senior show and although I didn't love it at the time, watching the dvd definitely brings back the best moments. They film our closing night which for the spring show means they capture some beautiful Father-Daughter Weekend memories. Watching us sing to our dads and then to see them sing to us still brings tears to my eyes.
You can see how proud my dad is when he is up on that stage, singing with the rest of the dads. He has always believed in me. No matter where I am in my life, he's my constant support. I've gotten my best life advice from him. Every morning on the way to school I used to get lectures. But they weren't boring or threatening; they were full of wisdom and advice that I still hold close to my heart. We may not always agree but we are always respectful. He's my best friend and I'm proud to be his little girl.
He and my mom didn't want children. But once he really understand the closeness between my mom and her dad, he wanted that too. He's taught me so much about life. He didn't have the most inspiring childhood but what he's done with his life after that is remarkable to me. Leaving home at a young age to move across the country, from Georgia to California. Had a few jobs before landing as a carpenter, building beautiful houses. This is where he got most of the skills that, to me, make him my daddy. He changed careers when I was a baby and decided to go into the mortgage business, a huge risk since he had virtually no experience. But he built us a beautiful life.
In my mind, he can do wrong. He can build, fix, imagine, and create anything. He's the one who took me shopping and did my hair. He knows what I will like before I even realize it. He's wise and kind and congenial. We are so similar yet never admit it.
He's always here for me. He always pushes me to go above and beyond my wildest dreams. He gives me confidence. And I know this will never change.
Thank you for being the best dad in the entire world. I'm proud to be your girl.
I went back to watch the dvd of Thoroughly Modern Millie last night. This was my senior show and although I didn't love it at the time, watching the dvd definitely brings back the best moments. They film our closing night which for the spring show means they capture some beautiful Father-Daughter Weekend memories. Watching us sing to our dads and then to see them sing to us still brings tears to my eyes.
You can see how proud my dad is when he is up on that stage, singing with the rest of the dads. He has always believed in me. No matter where I am in my life, he's my constant support. I've gotten my best life advice from him. Every morning on the way to school I used to get lectures. But they weren't boring or threatening; they were full of wisdom and advice that I still hold close to my heart. We may not always agree but we are always respectful. He's my best friend and I'm proud to be his little girl.
He and my mom didn't want children. But once he really understand the closeness between my mom and her dad, he wanted that too. He's taught me so much about life. He didn't have the most inspiring childhood but what he's done with his life after that is remarkable to me. Leaving home at a young age to move across the country, from Georgia to California. Had a few jobs before landing as a carpenter, building beautiful houses. This is where he got most of the skills that, to me, make him my daddy. He changed careers when I was a baby and decided to go into the mortgage business, a huge risk since he had virtually no experience. But he built us a beautiful life.
In my mind, he can do wrong. He can build, fix, imagine, and create anything. He's the one who took me shopping and did my hair. He knows what I will like before I even realize it. He's wise and kind and congenial. We are so similar yet never admit it.
He's always here for me. He always pushes me to go above and beyond my wildest dreams. He gives me confidence. And I know this will never change.
Thank you for being the best dad in the entire world. I'm proud to be your girl.
Reminiscing
Tonight is dedicated to Catalina. Here is a list of my greatest memories at one of the greatest places on earth
-Seeing my first show. Something's Afoot. One of the best pieces of theatre I've ever witnessed. Those girls were and still are my heros.
-Visiting for the first time. I wanted to do what all the other girls in my class were doing and go to Notre Dame but my parents insisted I visit Catalina. From that first day, I knew that was where I belonged. My tour guide had been in the show (the butler) and that also happened to be the day the cast for Alice in Wonderland was posted and the first day of winter uniforms. Went to Mrs. delaLata's sophomore english class and was reacquainted with her. I had grown up with her daughter Camila but hadn't seen either of them in years.
-Getting my acceptance letter, standing in my kitchen. Literally, it exploded with glitter.
-Seeing Bye Bye Birdie. Changed my life. Inspired me to do theatre. I will always hold that show in my heart.
-First day of classes. Scared to death to even enter study hall. I only knew two people from middle school. But seeing my desk covered with notes from my senior big sisters made me feel so much better.
-Signing up for tech
-Doing tech every day. Worshipping the ground the techies walked on
-Good News, my first show. Scene shifts, hanging out backstage, the scene shift when I was onstage in the light for like 30 seconds was the BIGGEST deal. Thinking the seniors were the best people in the entire world
-Meeting Anna :) I officially met her when I was working on geometry homework in the theatre and she stopped to introduce herself. While wearing her padded body suit because she was the lead in the show, a football star
-My first Shakespeare Festival
-Tech slowly taking over my life and loving every single minute of it
-Assembly every day. First rows, freshman. Then juniors. Then sophomores. Then seniors. When it was cheering time, the freshman cheered with the juniors and sophomores with the seniors. The juniors got a new cheer every year while the seniors kept theirs every year. No one knew when the cheer was going to happen until the seniors got up on their desks.
-Ring sister cheer.
-Birthday announcements. So much awkwardness and so much love
-Hanging out on the front lawn during free periods
-Checking email in the library as many times a day as possible
-Meeting new people in classes
-Sleeping over in the dorms and discovering that amazing life
-RING WEEK. Can't say enough about that.
-My ring week and ring dinner. As a junior, it felt incredible. As a senior, I was incredibly sick. But I was there!
-Prize Days
-Class Night Dinners
-Crying at class night, knowing how much everyone meant to me
-Singing songs we wrote at class night to our class, to the seniors, to our ring sisters
-Visiting teachers in their offices at every possible moment
-Oder snack once you reached junior year
-Being terrified of Mr. Oder as an underclassmen and loving him with all your heart by the time you got him as a teacher
-Ms. Guido being an incredible mentor
-Chemistry, Marine Bio, and Biology with Martha and Maria.
-Inside jokes with people mentioned above
-Meeting my 6 incredible sophomores and spending all my time with them
-Father-Daughter weekends. Dinner off campus in a group on Friday. Dinner on campus on Saturday in study hall. Standing in the receiving line to greet Sister Claire and Dr. Murphy, rushing through dinner because we had the show that night. My mom coming to all of them because she loved it so much. Singing the song Barney wrote to our dads. And senior year, putting up my display for my daddy and having our pictures in the slideshow. Dads singing to us and giving us our roses as seniors.
-The happiness that surrounded Shakespeare festival. By some good fortune, it was always sunny that day. I always felt important because I knew how to run the tech.
-Playing a song for Anna in the recital hall before she graduated
-My birthday announcements. Especially when Anna went up my sophomore year
-Anna's 18th Birthday. This is a quote I said that we still live by "No matter how far apart we are, I will always be your little sister". This has played out so many times over the years.
-Closing night of Once Upon a Mattress, saying goodbye to Anna's class whom I felt a special bond with. When Caitlin Harris said her famous quote about the Catalina theatre
-Going to the PAC for events. Front section, seniors. Behind them, freshmen. In the right section, juniors. In the left hand section, sophomores.
-Candelight Mass. So beautiful.
-Circle before every show
-Senior speeches. We cried so hard when the seniors left but when it was our time, we were okay. It was through this that I discovered it is much harder to be left than to be the one leaving
-Going to Ashland Oregon for the Shakespeare Festival two years in a row with the amazing Hunt family
-California State Thespian Festival Sophomore year
-Cake auctions/spirit day. Shortened classes, junior-senior kickball (or football) game. Cheers done by the freshman and sophomore classes. The senior-junior rivalry. Amazing cakes. THE RING CAKE. And how my class accidentally bought it our sophomore year
-Jodie Blanco. Possibly the worst speaker in history.
-The Yale Spizzwinks coming to sing my sophomore year
-Babies born every year
-Senior rafting trip
-Thinking the upperclassmen were the greatest people on earth. And for the most part, that is true
-Making crepes for National French Week
-Playing cards in study hall on the stage
-Working the Ecco/Accent concerts. What talented actors and singers we had...
-Stage Managing my first show. And keep going after that
-Mentoring younger tech students
-Hanging out on senior deck
-Driving to school by myself
-Having breakfast on campus every morning
-The amazing food
-First lunch and second lunch. And 5th free was the most amazing experience ever
-7th period free and being able to leave early if you could
-Desk assemblies. Picture 260 girls carring old fashioned hinge topped desks out of a large room and lining them in hallways and classrooms
-All the hugs
-Finding my place
-All the friendships I made
-Yearbook dinner. Running up the dorms to sign yearbooks
-The wonderful feeling once finals are over. Waiting in anticipation when it seemed like EVERY row but yours was being excused
-Graduations. The tears and the joy and the pride. How much we had accomplished...it is remarkable
-Seeing my first show. Something's Afoot. One of the best pieces of theatre I've ever witnessed. Those girls were and still are my heros.
-Visiting for the first time. I wanted to do what all the other girls in my class were doing and go to Notre Dame but my parents insisted I visit Catalina. From that first day, I knew that was where I belonged. My tour guide had been in the show (the butler) and that also happened to be the day the cast for Alice in Wonderland was posted and the first day of winter uniforms. Went to Mrs. delaLata's sophomore english class and was reacquainted with her. I had grown up with her daughter Camila but hadn't seen either of them in years.
-Getting my acceptance letter, standing in my kitchen. Literally, it exploded with glitter.
-Seeing Bye Bye Birdie. Changed my life. Inspired me to do theatre. I will always hold that show in my heart.
-First day of classes. Scared to death to even enter study hall. I only knew two people from middle school. But seeing my desk covered with notes from my senior big sisters made me feel so much better.
-Signing up for tech
-Doing tech every day. Worshipping the ground the techies walked on
-Good News, my first show. Scene shifts, hanging out backstage, the scene shift when I was onstage in the light for like 30 seconds was the BIGGEST deal. Thinking the seniors were the best people in the entire world
-Meeting Anna :) I officially met her when I was working on geometry homework in the theatre and she stopped to introduce herself. While wearing her padded body suit because she was the lead in the show, a football star
-My first Shakespeare Festival
-Tech slowly taking over my life and loving every single minute of it
-Assembly every day. First rows, freshman. Then juniors. Then sophomores. Then seniors. When it was cheering time, the freshman cheered with the juniors and sophomores with the seniors. The juniors got a new cheer every year while the seniors kept theirs every year. No one knew when the cheer was going to happen until the seniors got up on their desks.
-Ring sister cheer.
-Birthday announcements. So much awkwardness and so much love
-Hanging out on the front lawn during free periods
-Checking email in the library as many times a day as possible
-Meeting new people in classes
-Sleeping over in the dorms and discovering that amazing life
-RING WEEK. Can't say enough about that.
-My ring week and ring dinner. As a junior, it felt incredible. As a senior, I was incredibly sick. But I was there!
-Prize Days
-Class Night Dinners
-Crying at class night, knowing how much everyone meant to me
-Singing songs we wrote at class night to our class, to the seniors, to our ring sisters
-Visiting teachers in their offices at every possible moment
-Oder snack once you reached junior year
-Being terrified of Mr. Oder as an underclassmen and loving him with all your heart by the time you got him as a teacher
-Ms. Guido being an incredible mentor
-Chemistry, Marine Bio, and Biology with Martha and Maria.
-Inside jokes with people mentioned above
-Meeting my 6 incredible sophomores and spending all my time with them
-Father-Daughter weekends. Dinner off campus in a group on Friday. Dinner on campus on Saturday in study hall. Standing in the receiving line to greet Sister Claire and Dr. Murphy, rushing through dinner because we had the show that night. My mom coming to all of them because she loved it so much. Singing the song Barney wrote to our dads. And senior year, putting up my display for my daddy and having our pictures in the slideshow. Dads singing to us and giving us our roses as seniors.
-The happiness that surrounded Shakespeare festival. By some good fortune, it was always sunny that day. I always felt important because I knew how to run the tech.
-Playing a song for Anna in the recital hall before she graduated
-My birthday announcements. Especially when Anna went up my sophomore year
-Anna's 18th Birthday. This is a quote I said that we still live by "No matter how far apart we are, I will always be your little sister". This has played out so many times over the years.
-Closing night of Once Upon a Mattress, saying goodbye to Anna's class whom I felt a special bond with. When Caitlin Harris said her famous quote about the Catalina theatre
-Going to the PAC for events. Front section, seniors. Behind them, freshmen. In the right section, juniors. In the left hand section, sophomores.
-Candelight Mass. So beautiful.
-Circle before every show
-Senior speeches. We cried so hard when the seniors left but when it was our time, we were okay. It was through this that I discovered it is much harder to be left than to be the one leaving
-Going to Ashland Oregon for the Shakespeare Festival two years in a row with the amazing Hunt family
-California State Thespian Festival Sophomore year
-Cake auctions/spirit day. Shortened classes, junior-senior kickball (or football) game. Cheers done by the freshman and sophomore classes. The senior-junior rivalry. Amazing cakes. THE RING CAKE. And how my class accidentally bought it our sophomore year
-Jodie Blanco. Possibly the worst speaker in history.
-The Yale Spizzwinks coming to sing my sophomore year
-Babies born every year
-Senior rafting trip
-Thinking the upperclassmen were the greatest people on earth. And for the most part, that is true
-Making crepes for National French Week
-Playing cards in study hall on the stage
-Working the Ecco/Accent concerts. What talented actors and singers we had...
-Stage Managing my first show. And keep going after that
-Mentoring younger tech students
-Hanging out on senior deck
-Driving to school by myself
-Having breakfast on campus every morning
-The amazing food
-First lunch and second lunch. And 5th free was the most amazing experience ever
-7th period free and being able to leave early if you could
-Desk assemblies. Picture 260 girls carring old fashioned hinge topped desks out of a large room and lining them in hallways and classrooms
-All the hugs
-Finding my place
-All the friendships I made
-Yearbook dinner. Running up the dorms to sign yearbooks
-The wonderful feeling once finals are over. Waiting in anticipation when it seemed like EVERY row but yours was being excused
-Graduations. The tears and the joy and the pride. How much we had accomplished...it is remarkable
Monday, January 24, 2011
Last Week of Jan Term?
Well that certainly flew by. Suddenly we are in our final week of Jan Term. I'm as stressed as ever but I get to go home on Friday for 4.5 days :)
I wrote a screenplay yesterday. Yep, the same one I'd been complaining and stressing about since the first day of class. And somehow, it turned out pretty well.
We (by we I mean Linda and me) have decided that Yale is The school for me. It's a scary idea, knowing how difficult it's going to be to get in and it won't be a piece of cake if I go there. It will be far from home. It will mean embarking on a brand new, totally terrifying adventure. But if that's where I'm meant to go, then that's what will happen. I just have to trust that it will be okay. And that it will be the first step to achieving my goal. And I have friends on the east coast. Fiona's even in Connecticut, less than an hour away.
So I may be stressed and overwhelmed now. But if I want to win this stage management competition and get into the top theatre grad school in the country...I gotta suck it up and get through it.
:)
I wrote a screenplay yesterday. Yep, the same one I'd been complaining and stressing about since the first day of class. And somehow, it turned out pretty well.
We (by we I mean Linda and me) have decided that Yale is The school for me. It's a scary idea, knowing how difficult it's going to be to get in and it won't be a piece of cake if I go there. It will be far from home. It will mean embarking on a brand new, totally terrifying adventure. But if that's where I'm meant to go, then that's what will happen. I just have to trust that it will be okay. And that it will be the first step to achieving my goal. And I have friends on the east coast. Fiona's even in Connecticut, less than an hour away.
So I may be stressed and overwhelmed now. But if I want to win this stage management competition and get into the top theatre grad school in the country...I gotta suck it up and get through it.
:)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Well that was fun
My night should have been much more productive than it was. All I will say is a party at my suite got crazy and I literally went to the theatre to get ready for bed. My bathroom is uninhabitable at the moment.
Performing Arts Scholarship Auditions in the morning, working 9:00-4:00, then off to the church until 8:00. Long day.
Not in a great mood. Suddenly I am extremely overwhelmed with how much has to be completed in the next week. Jan Term flew by. I have a 5 page paper due Tuesday, 10 page screenplay due Friday (which was just explained today. i do not have a concrete concept yet nor much of an idea how to write it since we didn't discuss screenplay writing methods in class at all), along with the regular class readings. On top of that I am continuing to perfect my production book which is taking at least 2-3 hours a night and dealing with both Angels and SERA rehearsals. Plus work. Needless to say, I'm just a bit stressed.
Performing Arts Scholarship Auditions in the morning, working 9:00-4:00, then off to the church until 8:00. Long day.
Not in a great mood. Suddenly I am extremely overwhelmed with how much has to be completed in the next week. Jan Term flew by. I have a 5 page paper due Tuesday, 10 page screenplay due Friday (which was just explained today. i do not have a concrete concept yet nor much of an idea how to write it since we didn't discuss screenplay writing methods in class at all), along with the regular class readings. On top of that I am continuing to perfect my production book which is taking at least 2-3 hours a night and dealing with both Angels and SERA rehearsals. Plus work. Needless to say, I'm just a bit stressed.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I'm Disgruntled
*Dedicated to Anna Hunt, who needs to really read this and listen to what I am saying :D
xoxoxox
The problem with society (or, to be more specific, youth culture) is that adolescents are so focused on creating an image for themselves that they can't recognize their actual beauty. Being in middle school is hard. Being 11 is even harder. Not only are you suddenly facing a new school system with 6+ classes and teachers, you are desperately trying to figure out who you are as a person and the only way you know how is to compare yourself to others. Not to mention that whole puberty thing. Because everyone develops at different rates (yours truly developed very early. and it basically ruined my life. ok that's an exaggeration but it was difficult relating to my peers), friendships tend to change and attitudes start to make their appearances. Suddenly being "cool" is the new thing. Everyone wants to appear grown up and mature and act like they have a handle on their lives when really, they are just as scared as the next person. Although it's not easy being the kid looking in on what appears to be a flawless life, these "popular" kids have just as many anxieties as the rest. They just hide it behind their clothes, their makeup, their friendships, their relationships, their accessories. Even so, it's hard to be the kid who feels like she doesn't fit in with her peers simply because they are developing at different rates. You feel isolated and sometimes even ostracized, especially if close friends are changing and you simply don't fit with them anymore. It's nothing that either of you did on purpose, it's just part of life. Even so it can be heartbreaking.
I was that kid in middle school, not gonna lie. When I was 11, everything was against me. Glasses, braces, acne, zero fashion sense, out of control hair, and to top it off, I carried around about 4-5 bags everyday because I couldn't combine anything. I looked like a walking nightmare. I was also at a new school in a new school district where most of the kids had been in school together since elementary school. I felt like "the new kid" the whole time I was there. I desperately wanted a boy to like me, to look nice, to have a solid group of friends. I did find solace in my best friend, Gaby, who I met in 7th grade and I was in the concert band. But I envied the popular girls who had perfect hair and clothes, didn't seem to have any flaws, and naturally knew how to interact with boys. I wanted that more than I could admit. But middle school is a time for discovery. I found out a lot about myself. It took me until years later to realize that
1. Those weren't the kinds of boys I should be hanging around with anyway
2. I was a nicer person than most of those girls
3. I was trying to find my passion in life while they were content to find the perfect outfit and flirt with our classmates
4. It wasn't that I was less mature than my classmates, I just didn't have any interest in acting young. I was what can be classified as an "old soul". I wanted to be an adult. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself with the boys, I wanted a relationship. And I didn't want to spend my time on frivolous activities, I wanted to find a career.
And since when does having a boyfriend deem you mature? In my opinion, some of the most obnoxious, immature people I've met are those who make themselves crazy over a relationship.
My point is, middle school does not last forever. High school is when the big changes came. I learned how to conduct myself with elegance and poise, I made great, lasting friendships, I found clothing and hair styles that better suited me, and I discovered that being cool had nothing to do with who I am as a person. It wasn't a complete turn around; I wasn't "cool" in high school either but I was respected and I loved what I did. I loved having a responsibility to the theatre, I loved the people I met and their influence on me, I loved the experiences I gained. Middle school was a great learning experience and I'm actually glad I had the experience I did because I'm able to relate to young girls who don't feel like they fit in when actually, they are destined for something bigger. 3 years will eventually fly by and high school will be the best thing that ever hit you compared to those years.
And I can tell you...it's worth the wait :)
xoxoxox
The problem with society (or, to be more specific, youth culture) is that adolescents are so focused on creating an image for themselves that they can't recognize their actual beauty. Being in middle school is hard. Being 11 is even harder. Not only are you suddenly facing a new school system with 6+ classes and teachers, you are desperately trying to figure out who you are as a person and the only way you know how is to compare yourself to others. Not to mention that whole puberty thing. Because everyone develops at different rates (yours truly developed very early. and it basically ruined my life. ok that's an exaggeration but it was difficult relating to my peers), friendships tend to change and attitudes start to make their appearances. Suddenly being "cool" is the new thing. Everyone wants to appear grown up and mature and act like they have a handle on their lives when really, they are just as scared as the next person. Although it's not easy being the kid looking in on what appears to be a flawless life, these "popular" kids have just as many anxieties as the rest. They just hide it behind their clothes, their makeup, their friendships, their relationships, their accessories. Even so, it's hard to be the kid who feels like she doesn't fit in with her peers simply because they are developing at different rates. You feel isolated and sometimes even ostracized, especially if close friends are changing and you simply don't fit with them anymore. It's nothing that either of you did on purpose, it's just part of life. Even so it can be heartbreaking.
I was that kid in middle school, not gonna lie. When I was 11, everything was against me. Glasses, braces, acne, zero fashion sense, out of control hair, and to top it off, I carried around about 4-5 bags everyday because I couldn't combine anything. I looked like a walking nightmare. I was also at a new school in a new school district where most of the kids had been in school together since elementary school. I felt like "the new kid" the whole time I was there. I desperately wanted a boy to like me, to look nice, to have a solid group of friends. I did find solace in my best friend, Gaby, who I met in 7th grade and I was in the concert band. But I envied the popular girls who had perfect hair and clothes, didn't seem to have any flaws, and naturally knew how to interact with boys. I wanted that more than I could admit. But middle school is a time for discovery. I found out a lot about myself. It took me until years later to realize that
1. Those weren't the kinds of boys I should be hanging around with anyway
2. I was a nicer person than most of those girls
3. I was trying to find my passion in life while they were content to find the perfect outfit and flirt with our classmates
4. It wasn't that I was less mature than my classmates, I just didn't have any interest in acting young. I was what can be classified as an "old soul". I wanted to be an adult. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself with the boys, I wanted a relationship. And I didn't want to spend my time on frivolous activities, I wanted to find a career.
And since when does having a boyfriend deem you mature? In my opinion, some of the most obnoxious, immature people I've met are those who make themselves crazy over a relationship.
My point is, middle school does not last forever. High school is when the big changes came. I learned how to conduct myself with elegance and poise, I made great, lasting friendships, I found clothing and hair styles that better suited me, and I discovered that being cool had nothing to do with who I am as a person. It wasn't a complete turn around; I wasn't "cool" in high school either but I was respected and I loved what I did. I loved having a responsibility to the theatre, I loved the people I met and their influence on me, I loved the experiences I gained. Middle school was a great learning experience and I'm actually glad I had the experience I did because I'm able to relate to young girls who don't feel like they fit in when actually, they are destined for something bigger. 3 years will eventually fly by and high school will be the best thing that ever hit you compared to those years.
And I can tell you...it's worth the wait :)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Bedtime?
It is 11:36. I have spent my time since 8 pm unpacking, cleaning, and writing a paper on the decalogue. It is not finished. However I am about to tackle the Thou Shalt Not Murder commandment and I'm going to need sleep before I take on that adventure.
Home was wonderful. I truly loved it. Now I'm back for two more weeks (TWO WEEKS. WHERE IS JAN TERM GOING???), home again, back up here for Angels remount, competition, and spring semester.
Yikes. Time does fly.
Also. Any grad school input would be excellent! I'm applying to UCI, UCSD, Cal Arts, Columbia, and Yale for an MFA in Stage Management. I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, and...AHHHHHH. Yep that about covers it.
Home was wonderful. I truly loved it. Now I'm back for two more weeks (TWO WEEKS. WHERE IS JAN TERM GOING???), home again, back up here for Angels remount, competition, and spring semester.
Yikes. Time does fly.
Also. Any grad school input would be excellent! I'm applying to UCI, UCSD, Cal Arts, Columbia, and Yale for an MFA in Stage Management. I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, and...AHHHHHH. Yep that about covers it.
Home is Whenever I'm with You
Shannon and Paisley
Shannon and Katie
Shannon and Charlotte
Shannon and Gabby
Shannon and Anna
So overjoyed to be home for the night. Catalina performed Up the Down Staircase tonight and if you have never seen this show, I highly recommend it. My girls were brilliant and I'm so proud of them. Gotta love Catalina campers! They're so old now.. I got to spend some time with them after the show and it's just really nice to get some one on one time with them. I don't see them as much as I would like so tonight was wonderful.
I love you Gabby, Katie, Paisley, Charlotte, Devynn, and Abbey!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Change Can be Good
Number 1, I've never had someone like my status so much as when I posted that I officially have a major. Thanks everyone for your support, I'm glad I have a real major now too!
Jan Term has made me lazy. That saying about getting more done when you have less free time? SO true. I almost have too much free time yet not enough at the same time. Competition in a month? AH
Your random advice for the night? Topic: Words
Words are important. They're our direct connection and communication between people. It's hard to recognize how much your words can affect a person. What you may think of a casual statement could influence a person's philosophy. One example of this I take from my sophomore year of high school. It's a tradition for the cast and crew to circle up before every show. It's a way for us to pump up the energy and generally bond before we get out there and do our stuff. The closing circle for every show is always a bit sad but especially the spring show. I also happened to be extremely close to the class of 2006 (anna was in this class--anyone surprised?). The seniors are allowed to make a closing night speech and everyone tends to cry during the spring show. The seniors happened to be very eloquent and mature women but something that Caitlin Harris has stuck with me every since. "When you apply to Catalina, they tell you the two best things about the place are the friends you make and the theatre. But what they don't tell you is about the friends you make through theatre". She had no way of knowing it at the time but that had a profound impact on me. I even used it as one of my senior quotes and have it on my wall. It was a special moment I'm not likely to forget.
I also have a tendency of keeping and displaying cards that mean something to me. I currently have a card on my bookshelf from Anna that reads "I love you. Never forget that okay? I'm glad I get to watch you grow up". One of my greatest pleasures in life is to watch girls grow up so to know that she thinks the same of me is a very nice thought. And looking at the card is my daily reminder that I feel secure and loved and no matter what will always be supported.
I'm lucky that way--people in my life have such a wonderful influence on me that I feel stronger by knowing them
Jan Term has made me lazy. That saying about getting more done when you have less free time? SO true. I almost have too much free time yet not enough at the same time. Competition in a month? AH
Your random advice for the night? Topic: Words
Words are important. They're our direct connection and communication between people. It's hard to recognize how much your words can affect a person. What you may think of a casual statement could influence a person's philosophy. One example of this I take from my sophomore year of high school. It's a tradition for the cast and crew to circle up before every show. It's a way for us to pump up the energy and generally bond before we get out there and do our stuff. The closing circle for every show is always a bit sad but especially the spring show. I also happened to be extremely close to the class of 2006 (anna was in this class--anyone surprised?). The seniors are allowed to make a closing night speech and everyone tends to cry during the spring show. The seniors happened to be very eloquent and mature women but something that Caitlin Harris has stuck with me every since. "When you apply to Catalina, they tell you the two best things about the place are the friends you make and the theatre. But what they don't tell you is about the friends you make through theatre". She had no way of knowing it at the time but that had a profound impact on me. I even used it as one of my senior quotes and have it on my wall. It was a special moment I'm not likely to forget.
I also have a tendency of keeping and displaying cards that mean something to me. I currently have a card on my bookshelf from Anna that reads "I love you. Never forget that okay? I'm glad I get to watch you grow up". One of my greatest pleasures in life is to watch girls grow up so to know that she thinks the same of me is a very nice thought. And looking at the card is my daily reminder that I feel secure and loved and no matter what will always be supported.
I'm lucky that way--people in my life have such a wonderful influence on me that I feel stronger by knowing them
Monday, January 10, 2011
Ramblings
I think I had an idea about what I wanted to blog about tonight. But I've forgotten.
Going home Saturday to see the play, Up the Down Staircase at Catalina! Some of my dearest campers, who are now upper school stars, will be in this show and I'm so excited to see them. It's also one of their birthdays which is another incentive to going down.
Dance rocks. I love it. Modern isn't really my thing--I'm not used to isolating the torso and shoulders and head--but it's a great way to start my day. Although it's different from ballet, where you only have about 6 positions your arms can be in and everything is in a perfect line, it's fun to see what I'm capable of.
Still cold up here. And by cold I mean 44 degrees by day, 36 by night. Which by California standards means it either needs to snow or warm up. By this point I don't really care which one, it just needs to make a decision.
My regular class is going well which surprises me. I TALKED IN CLASS TODAY. I'm not great at speaking out so this is a big deal to me. Not so much to others but a personal victory for myself.
Going home Saturday to see the play, Up the Down Staircase at Catalina! Some of my dearest campers, who are now upper school stars, will be in this show and I'm so excited to see them. It's also one of their birthdays which is another incentive to going down.
Dance rocks. I love it. Modern isn't really my thing--I'm not used to isolating the torso and shoulders and head--but it's a great way to start my day. Although it's different from ballet, where you only have about 6 positions your arms can be in and everything is in a perfect line, it's fun to see what I'm capable of.
Still cold up here. And by cold I mean 44 degrees by day, 36 by night. Which by California standards means it either needs to snow or warm up. By this point I don't really care which one, it just needs to make a decision.
My regular class is going well which surprises me. I TALKED IN CLASS TODAY. I'm not great at speaking out so this is a big deal to me. Not so much to others but a personal victory for myself.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Growing Up
It's interesting how time passes. You usually can't recognize the change in yourself or others until you step back and compare the present to the pas. I know that I've changed since high school but I hadn't realized how much until I was going through my old documents and came across a conversation I had with a friend of mine that for some reason I'd saved. The way I expressed myself when I was 17 is completely different from how I express myself now. Sentence phrasing, thought processes, emotions...all very different. I'm still the same person but, put simply, I've matured.
In other ways, I'm still exactly the same. I came across some old tech documents and realized I had the instincts of a stage manager long before I was taught. The stage managers at Catalina aren't given much power or responsibility but my desire for order and control led me to create schedules and documents that resemble methods I use now to run my shows. That's pretty cool to see.
Sometimes we're in a rush to grow up. But it doesn't need to happen all at once. We get that first taste of independence and suddenly want to take on the world, not realizing that we have many years to perfect our tastes, our styles, our skills, and our careers. I have to reign myself in on a daily basis. I have to remind myself that I don't have to be the perfect chef now, that knowing how to buy and arrange the furniture in the living room doesn't have to be a skill I need now, that my style should still reflect my unique personality and will continue to grow with me, that financial security takes time, that I'm still a student and should treat me life as such, and that I don't need to have my entire life planned out this second.
I have the tendency to live in the future. I want to have an established game plan and I don't like unease. I like knowing what's coming up. But no one knows what's about to come. For all I know, life could take me in a completely opposite but equally amazing direction than what I'm planning right now. And that needs to be okay or I'm just going to lose my mind.
In other ways, I'm still exactly the same. I came across some old tech documents and realized I had the instincts of a stage manager long before I was taught. The stage managers at Catalina aren't given much power or responsibility but my desire for order and control led me to create schedules and documents that resemble methods I use now to run my shows. That's pretty cool to see.
Sometimes we're in a rush to grow up. But it doesn't need to happen all at once. We get that first taste of independence and suddenly want to take on the world, not realizing that we have many years to perfect our tastes, our styles, our skills, and our careers. I have to reign myself in on a daily basis. I have to remind myself that I don't have to be the perfect chef now, that knowing how to buy and arrange the furniture in the living room doesn't have to be a skill I need now, that my style should still reflect my unique personality and will continue to grow with me, that financial security takes time, that I'm still a student and should treat me life as such, and that I don't need to have my entire life planned out this second.
I have the tendency to live in the future. I want to have an established game plan and I don't like unease. I like knowing what's coming up. But no one knows what's about to come. For all I know, life could take me in a completely opposite but equally amazing direction than what I'm planning right now. And that needs to be okay or I'm just going to lose my mind.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What did I do Today?
To tell you the truth, I didn't do all that much today. Class and work. However I actually talked in class which for me is a huge deal. I've discovered that the reason I don't talk in class isn't necessarily that I'm scared or have nothing to say. It's simply that I don't want people who I don't know or feel comfortable with into my thoughts. Not that I'm sharing anything truly profound most of the time but I consider my thoughts to be sacred and I prefer to share them with people who will actually listen, respond, or debate back with healthy arguments.
Dance tomorrow. Class tomorrow. Then weekend. Who knew the first week of Jan Term would fly by so quickly?
Dance tomorrow. Class tomorrow. Then weekend. Who knew the first week of Jan Term would fly by so quickly?
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I love Wednesdays
Shannon, Kathleen, and Danielle at Pier 39
Danielle and Andrew
Kathleen
ME
Danielle
Wednesdays during Jan term are great. Why? Because I have no "real" class. Dance this morning which was incredible and then stopped by the theatre to say hi to their Jan Term SM and help him out a bit. Lunch with the suitemates and then...I got asked out.
Yep, going on my first date on Wednesday :) Not going to say anything more here so you're going to have to actually talk to me to get the details.
Spent the afternoon in SF with Danielle, Andrew, and Kathleen. SO much fun. See pictures above :)
Jan Term is awesome.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Rawr
Contrary to popular belief, rawr is not an angry noise. It's the noise I make when I have nothing else to say. Which actually doesn't apply to this blog but I just felt like saying it.
I love dance. Can I ever say that enough? It felt so glad to get back into it after a year away. It's a challenging class--all dance company members plus myself and another girl but I actually kept up pretty well.
My actual class should be...amusing...but I'll survive. I've actually already found some parallels to theatre so that's going to help.
I ate healthy today. Are you proud? I am. This is a rarity in my life.
And for your insightfulness for the day...
For me, family has never been defined by blood relations. I love my family, immediate extended and REALLY extended. And I realize how much I miss them when I'm away. It's never easy to leave home to return to school but I'm always satisfied once I return because no matter where I go, I'm always surrounded by family in one form or another. It's a great comfort.
I love dance. Can I ever say that enough? It felt so glad to get back into it after a year away. It's a challenging class--all dance company members plus myself and another girl but I actually kept up pretty well.
My actual class should be...amusing...but I'll survive. I've actually already found some parallels to theatre so that's going to help.
I ate healthy today. Are you proud? I am. This is a rarity in my life.
And for your insightfulness for the day...
For me, family has never been defined by blood relations. I love my family, immediate extended and REALLY extended. And I realize how much I miss them when I'm away. It's never easy to leave home to return to school but I'm always satisfied once I return because no matter where I go, I'm always surrounded by family in one form or another. It's a great comfort.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
I'm ba-ack
Typical "I'm back!" blog. Yep, back at school in my suite. All unpacked. Getting ready for classes and work tomorrow. Dance 10-11:45, class 12:00-2:30, work 2:40-4:30...and I'm supposed to eat sometime in there. I'm wishing me luck. But I actually am excited for my classes and to see the girls again.
Checked my mailbox when I arrived. I've never seen so much mail for me in my life! A paycheck, a christmas card from Catalina, a postcard from Catalina, the semi-annual Catalina bulletin (sensing a theme?), 3 books for spring semester, and a wonderful gift from my sister. SO HAPPY.
Spent some time with friends. Dinner in the dining hall--can't say I missed that very much.
Also. Was watching a news program last night that said that vegans and vegetarians live 10-15 years longer. Which I passed on to Anna who is a vegan/vegetarian (depending on the day) and, not entirely seriously, told her I would give it a try. Guess who is now committed? We'll see how long this lasts. I'm betting not long.
Checked my mailbox when I arrived. I've never seen so much mail for me in my life! A paycheck, a christmas card from Catalina, a postcard from Catalina, the semi-annual Catalina bulletin (sensing a theme?), 3 books for spring semester, and a wonderful gift from my sister. SO HAPPY.
Spent some time with friends. Dinner in the dining hall--can't say I missed that very much.
Also. Was watching a news program last night that said that vegans and vegetarians live 10-15 years longer. Which I passed on to Anna who is a vegan/vegetarian (depending on the day) and, not entirely seriously, told her I would give it a try. Guess who is now committed? We'll see how long this lasts. I'm betting not long.
New year, New...Boy?
I've discovered that whether you've been in many relationships or none at all, you can still have the same worries--will you find "the one"? Until recently I figured I was alone in my situation. I've never had a boyfriend. Not even those kindergarten boyfriends that mean absolutely nothing or a middle school romance. Nope, I was a late bloomer when it came to boys and then I went to an all girls high school. College should have been the opportunity to date but I jumped straight into work and responsibility, setting me apart from my peers and also taking up so much of my time that dating just didn't seem like a priority. And it's still true today. It makes me worry that I will never find someone. My lifestyle isn't going to change. I'm picky and I have high standards and there are just certain issues I'm not willing to compromise on. I'm also a hopeless romantic. That can either be my biggest strength or greatest weakness. But on the other hand, I could have been dating numerous guys by now and be just as frustrated that I can't seem to find one that works.
Clearly this isn't a huge issue now--I'm only 21. But I'm surrounded by love everyday and it just sounds so...lovely. A friend of mine got engaged last night and two of my very best friends have both found their soulmates. I've seen those grow since the beginning and it's rewarding to watch. The good thing is I've learned a lot about relationships just by observing others. So hopefully, when my time comes alone, I'll be ready.
Clearly this isn't a huge issue now--I'm only 21. But I'm surrounded by love everyday and it just sounds so...lovely. A friend of mine got engaged last night and two of my very best friends have both found their soulmates. I've seen those grow since the beginning and it's rewarding to watch. The good thing is I've learned a lot about relationships just by observing others. So hopefully, when my time comes alone, I'll be ready.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
My Wish for you
Welcome to 2011! Fairly uneventful night. Hung out with one of my dearest friends during a party at her house, actually managed to be social (seriously, I entertained this guy with tales of theatre for like an hour. Love talking to people who are interested in theatre but know nothing about it.), and left by 11 to go hang out with 2 of my favorite kitties because I'm housesitting for a friend.
2010 was quite the adventure.
-Jan Term Show. Was actually cast in a play, got my onstage time
-Survived the ridiculousness that was SERA
-Had 3 consecutive tech weeks
-First professional SM job
-Worked the LEAP concert with professional dancers
-3.9 spring semester GPA
-Saw some of my dearest friends graduate from SMC
-Watched my babies grow up, graduate from Catalina, and move onto college
-First paid ASM gig working RENT. What a wonderful experience.
-Fell in love with Ace Dance Academy by working their annual show
-Summer at Santa Catalina, part 6. 2010 edition.
-My sister met her soul mate
-My sister leaving (and luckily returning) from Africa
-Decided on grad schools
-First real roommate
-12 hour days
-Angels in America. And all that jazz
-2 part time jobs
-Faced financial difficulties
-So many adventures with Danielle and Kathleen. And Andrew.
-Tanner's many awful injuries. No more breaking!!
-Asked out for the first time
-First kiss (not related to the asking out though...haha)
-Made many very important friends
-Some awful and some awesome fall classes
-3.7 fall GPA
2011. What does it mean to me? Nothing yet. But soon. It will be a year of changes. My life is started to slowly flip upside down and this year will just be the beginning of it. It's good though. Good changes.
As for you...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Embrace it. Live your dreams. Don't let anything hold you back. Trust your instincts. Do what you love. Follow your heart. And above all, remember everything happens for a reason.
Love Love Love
2010 was quite the adventure.
-Jan Term Show. Was actually cast in a play, got my onstage time
-Survived the ridiculousness that was SERA
-Had 3 consecutive tech weeks
-First professional SM job
-Worked the LEAP concert with professional dancers
-3.9 spring semester GPA
-Saw some of my dearest friends graduate from SMC
-Watched my babies grow up, graduate from Catalina, and move onto college
-First paid ASM gig working RENT. What a wonderful experience.
-Fell in love with Ace Dance Academy by working their annual show
-Summer at Santa Catalina, part 6. 2010 edition.
-My sister met her soul mate
-My sister leaving (and luckily returning) from Africa
-Decided on grad schools
-First real roommate
-12 hour days
-Angels in America. And all that jazz
-2 part time jobs
-Faced financial difficulties
-So many adventures with Danielle and Kathleen. And Andrew.
-Tanner's many awful injuries. No more breaking!!
-Asked out for the first time
-First kiss (not related to the asking out though...haha)
-Made many very important friends
-Some awful and some awesome fall classes
-3.7 fall GPA
2011. What does it mean to me? Nothing yet. But soon. It will be a year of changes. My life is started to slowly flip upside down and this year will just be the beginning of it. It's good though. Good changes.
As for you...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Embrace it. Live your dreams. Don't let anything hold you back. Trust your instincts. Do what you love. Follow your heart. And above all, remember everything happens for a reason.
Love Love Love
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