Today, I received an email from one of my theatre professors telling me that I am the recipient of a merit-based grant for spring semester. This email came as a complete shock as I did not apply for this grant nor knew anything about it but my professors took it upon themselves to advocate for me. I cannot express how much it means to me to know that they understand and appreciate how much effort I put into the performing arts department and how financial struggles are huge. I literally cannot stop smiling. Thank you to the outstanding performing arts faculty--we may have our struggles and difficulties but in the end, we support each other. And that means everything.
Literally, best Christmas ever :)
And btw. CONGRATULATIONS Anna on your new job!! You deserve this so much and you're going to kick butt. Good luck in Virginia :)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Grading Scale
I got my grades! Normally, this is an extremely happy occasion. And I am happy. I still have an excellent GPA, it's exactly where I want it to be. But a little part of me is nagging about a couple grades that are lower than I expected without me really knowing why and the fact that people I know who don't put nearly as much effort into their grades get similar grades. Now I know this is part of life. There will always be people who put in less effort and reap the same rewards. You just hope karma kicks them in the butt. And I keep preaching that "you can't compare your successes to anyone else's" so maybe I should follow my own advice.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm ready for my check
Is it just me or do expenses keep piling up? One week it's the student loan payment, the next it's gas. Then you realize that you literally have one flour tortilla and half a jar of spaghetti sauce left and you're not all that gourmet-inclined so food shopping is a necessity. But it's your friend's birthday and you love her, right? So she deserves a gift. And rehearsal was just awful tonight so that spontaneous in n out trip is worth it...just another $7, nothing major. Yet that's where the cut off line to necessary expenses wears very thin.
Now obviously I am aware that this is the problem for nearly every household in America. Unless you're blessed with a buttload of money and somehow bypassed the strain of the economical crash in which case I wish you well and secretly hope you got something else lousy to deal with. I'm not even an avid spender. I have the Parsons gene, Parsons being my mother's maiden name, which is a nice way of saying I'm cheap and will buy what's cheaper no matter what the quality is. And for the most part, I only buy essentials. But even the essentials add up. First the shampoo, then the conditioner. Then you need a new razor. Then you got hungry. And then you just saw something cute in the next aisle over and that extra $3 is totally worth it. But you forgot that the stage management kit is running low on first aid items so stocking up is a must. Pretty soon that bill gets a lot higher than you had anticipated and you're debating whether or not it's worth it. Normally the answer is, yes, it is worth it since I make every effort to save my money. But the holiday season always makes things a bit strained. That paycheck just isn't cutting it. With my severely limited hours I can only work so much and apply for work in so many areas. I'm lucky I have these jobs at all--they are truly a blessing as I need flexibility with any schedule. The worst is when all those bills add up at once, which happened to be recently. Student loan payment, gas, and christmas shopping all fell to this week. As well as the little added expense of buying a new binder and the exact right tabs and page protectors and pencils to make my Angels in America production look as professional as possible. After all, I am investing in my future. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Sometimes you just gotta dig deep, tell yourself that it all evens out in the end, and keep moving forward to prevent yourself from being buried alive by the stress of the 3 Fs--future, finances, and fate. Luckily that last one fits in quite nicely with my life motto (or one of them). "Everything happens for a reason". It does. I truly believe that. Some days it takes a little more effort to remind myself of this particular philosophy but I always see the reasoning in the end.
Now obviously I am aware that this is the problem for nearly every household in America. Unless you're blessed with a buttload of money and somehow bypassed the strain of the economical crash in which case I wish you well and secretly hope you got something else lousy to deal with. I'm not even an avid spender. I have the Parsons gene, Parsons being my mother's maiden name, which is a nice way of saying I'm cheap and will buy what's cheaper no matter what the quality is. And for the most part, I only buy essentials. But even the essentials add up. First the shampoo, then the conditioner. Then you need a new razor. Then you got hungry. And then you just saw something cute in the next aisle over and that extra $3 is totally worth it. But you forgot that the stage management kit is running low on first aid items so stocking up is a must. Pretty soon that bill gets a lot higher than you had anticipated and you're debating whether or not it's worth it. Normally the answer is, yes, it is worth it since I make every effort to save my money. But the holiday season always makes things a bit strained. That paycheck just isn't cutting it. With my severely limited hours I can only work so much and apply for work in so many areas. I'm lucky I have these jobs at all--they are truly a blessing as I need flexibility with any schedule. The worst is when all those bills add up at once, which happened to be recently. Student loan payment, gas, and christmas shopping all fell to this week. As well as the little added expense of buying a new binder and the exact right tabs and page protectors and pencils to make my Angels in America production look as professional as possible. After all, I am investing in my future. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Sometimes you just gotta dig deep, tell yourself that it all evens out in the end, and keep moving forward to prevent yourself from being buried alive by the stress of the 3 Fs--future, finances, and fate. Luckily that last one fits in quite nicely with my life motto (or one of them). "Everything happens for a reason". It does. I truly believe that. Some days it takes a little more effort to remind myself of this particular philosophy but I always see the reasoning in the end.
It's 3 am...are you surprised?
Yep, the night owl in me is still awake But restless. I'm having one of those rare nights when absolutely nothing sounds appealing. I don't want to read, watch tv, watch movies, go on facebook, go on youtube, shower, clean, work on my production book, dance, eat, or decorate. Usually at least one of those catches my attention.
It might be caused by the slightly off day I had. One of those days that things didn't really fall into place and I felt out of sync. And I'm a totally "perfectly-in-step-in-sync" kind of girl. Why else would I be infatuated with the perfection of tap dance (though I have never tapped a step in my life. dying to learn.), will rearrange a room until it is absolutely perfect down to the last piece of paper, and have taken my skill for calling cues to an unhealthy obsessive level. Days like these make me feel uneasy and I'm not really okay with that. But tomorrow, all will be good.
To my best friend, Danielle: I adore you.
Btws. 2 months. AHH.
It might be caused by the slightly off day I had. One of those days that things didn't really fall into place and I felt out of sync. And I'm a totally "perfectly-in-step-in-sync" kind of girl. Why else would I be infatuated with the perfection of tap dance (though I have never tapped a step in my life. dying to learn.), will rearrange a room until it is absolutely perfect down to the last piece of paper, and have taken my skill for calling cues to an unhealthy obsessive level. Days like these make me feel uneasy and I'm not really okay with that. But tomorrow, all will be good.
To my best friend, Danielle: I adore you.
Btws. 2 months. AHH.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Changing Locations, Changing Personalities
I'm like the army. Only the opposite. Instead of getting more done before 7 am, I get more things done between 10 pm and 3 am than most people do all day. Being home doesn't exactly support or dissuade me from my nocturnal tendencies. No one's awake past 11 so I get time alone but I'm always surprising someone with how late I stay up and how staying in bed until noon is perfectly natural.
Coming home is always an interesting sensation. It's like being a whole different person. At school, I'm "the stage manager". I'm controlling, sweet, organized, non-dater, conservative dresser, theatre crazy, intelligent, a good friend, and, generally, successful. That's how I'm known. I've shaped an identity around that. But it's interesting how personalities change based on who you are talking to, how well you know the person, how you have previously interacted, and how much you want to impress them. Since going awake to college I've become more outgoing, more sarcastic, more "vulgar" (though definitely levels below most of my peers), most feisty, and more opinionated. I've developed a certain banter and rhythm at school that is difficult to conceal when I'm at home. Although for the most part I'm still the sweet innocent girl my parents sent off two years ago, my personality has grown stronger. I've also noticed that the way I interact with my old friends or even people I knew vaguely in high school has changed. I feel more assertive with those I knew less well as well as more engaging with those to which I am still close. It's startling when I actually take notice to it. I've grown so accustomed with a certain way of conversing with others that I'm occasionally thrown off guard when I act differently towards some people. Just goes to show that you learn a lot more than the classic texts and higher math when you go off to college.
Coming home is always an interesting sensation. It's like being a whole different person. At school, I'm "the stage manager". I'm controlling, sweet, organized, non-dater, conservative dresser, theatre crazy, intelligent, a good friend, and, generally, successful. That's how I'm known. I've shaped an identity around that. But it's interesting how personalities change based on who you are talking to, how well you know the person, how you have previously interacted, and how much you want to impress them. Since going awake to college I've become more outgoing, more sarcastic, more "vulgar" (though definitely levels below most of my peers), most feisty, and more opinionated. I've developed a certain banter and rhythm at school that is difficult to conceal when I'm at home. Although for the most part I'm still the sweet innocent girl my parents sent off two years ago, my personality has grown stronger. I've also noticed that the way I interact with my old friends or even people I knew vaguely in high school has changed. I feel more assertive with those I knew less well as well as more engaging with those to which I am still close. It's startling when I actually take notice to it. I've grown so accustomed with a certain way of conversing with others that I'm occasionally thrown off guard when I act differently towards some people. Just goes to show that you learn a lot more than the classic texts and higher math when you go off to college.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
WE'RE GOING TO REGIONALS
That's right people, Angels in America: Millennium Approaches is going to the American College Theatre Festival's Region VII competition! We were selected as one of 3 (or something around that number) to compete at the regional festival. 4-6 schools total from all the regions will be selected to go to the National festival at the Kennedy Center in DC. We're so excited and so proud!
Live Your Life
There are days I examine my life and realize that it is comprised of moments that will define my future. But for once, I'm not talking academically or professionally. Nope, tonight I'm talking about my real future--the family part. I've spent the majority of my life around children. I attended daycare for 5 years (by the time you're 9...you're over being taken care of. So I turned around a took care of the kids myself), volunteered at a preschool for 3 years, have been a camp counselor since I was 15, and I've been babysitting since I was 12. I've met so many wonderful children. And I find immense pleasure in seeing them year after year, growing and evolving and discovering the world. The greatest gift in life is to watch people grow up. This is something I took for granted when I first started working with kids but now that "my" kids are growing up much too fast for my liking, I find it remarkable how lovely they have grown up. Their personalities are defined, they have genuine likes and dislikes, they have perspective, they understand the world more, they're kind, they're generous, they understand right and wrong beyond getting rewards and punishments. And that is just plain awesome. Another group of girls I've watch grow up is my group of "sophomores". Although they are no longer sophomores, this is how I always remember them. These 6 girls, sophomore girls when I was a senior at Catalina, defined my senior year at Catalina. When I met them they were a rambunctious group. Not entirely focused, simply carefree and enjoying life. I spent many hours with them, acting as a cross between a mentor, sister, mother, teacher, and chauffeur. At the time of their graduation I took a few minutes to reflect on the beautiful women they have evolved into. Without my realization my girls grew into 6 independent, vivacious, passionate women, destined to succeed.
I now drive 2 7-year-old girls to various activities. I may only see them a couple days a week but I make sure those minutes count. I can clearly remember every babysitter, driver, counselor, and mentor I had as a kid. It's easy to forget how much you can influence kids without effort but your presence makes a difference. I make sure that during those car rides these girls learn something. That it's okay to sing at the top of your lungs. That music of all genres is cool. That being on time is essential. That compromise is necessary but little treats are special. That you are responsible for yourself and your belongings. That you must respect others. And that you will always be safe, loved, and protected. These are little lessons but they can help shape a person. And if I can make a difference in their lives, I will do my darndest to make sure it happens.
This makes me think about my own kids. My future kids. The poor things that get saddled with a crazy but very loving, passionate, patient, and organized parent. Kids aren't going to happen for awhile. My lifestyle does not accommodate the family life yet, not for awhile at least. I'm going to do the whole high powered career woman deal for the first few years (or 10...) of my professional life. Because once I do get married and have kids, that will be my priority. My current love is in the theatre. I devote hours upon hours of work and time and effort to this incredible art form. Although I am first and foremost a friend--my friends/family are neck in neck with theatre--there are times when theatre simply has to come first. Nights are theatre time. Tech weekends are theatre time. Show weekends are theatre time. That will just have to be my life for awhile. I won't be a young parent. But hopefully my age will work with me. I'll be older, hopefully wiser successful and financially secure, and ready for love. My biological clock with start ticking away at one point. And I'll know when it's time. Until then, I get to play in the theatre and watch my pretend babies grow up, hoping my own will turn out just as great as they do.
If life blesses me with a little girl of my own, I will be even luckier than I am now. I have dreams of watching my kids graduate from the pre K, lower school, and upper school of Catalina...the whole thing. So, to my future daughter, Addison (whose name I already have chosen. I'm also curious to see how this one plays out. check back with me in 20 years)...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that life becomes all that you want it to...your dreams stay big, your worries stay small...
I now drive 2 7-year-old girls to various activities. I may only see them a couple days a week but I make sure those minutes count. I can clearly remember every babysitter, driver, counselor, and mentor I had as a kid. It's easy to forget how much you can influence kids without effort but your presence makes a difference. I make sure that during those car rides these girls learn something. That it's okay to sing at the top of your lungs. That music of all genres is cool. That being on time is essential. That compromise is necessary but little treats are special. That you are responsible for yourself and your belongings. That you must respect others. And that you will always be safe, loved, and protected. These are little lessons but they can help shape a person. And if I can make a difference in their lives, I will do my darndest to make sure it happens.
This makes me think about my own kids. My future kids. The poor things that get saddled with a crazy but very loving, passionate, patient, and organized parent. Kids aren't going to happen for awhile. My lifestyle does not accommodate the family life yet, not for awhile at least. I'm going to do the whole high powered career woman deal for the first few years (or 10...) of my professional life. Because once I do get married and have kids, that will be my priority. My current love is in the theatre. I devote hours upon hours of work and time and effort to this incredible art form. Although I am first and foremost a friend--my friends/family are neck in neck with theatre--there are times when theatre simply has to come first. Nights are theatre time. Tech weekends are theatre time. Show weekends are theatre time. That will just have to be my life for awhile. I won't be a young parent. But hopefully my age will work with me. I'll be older, hopefully wiser successful and financially secure, and ready for love. My biological clock with start ticking away at one point. And I'll know when it's time. Until then, I get to play in the theatre and watch my pretend babies grow up, hoping my own will turn out just as great as they do.
If life blesses me with a little girl of my own, I will be even luckier than I am now. I have dreams of watching my kids graduate from the pre K, lower school, and upper school of Catalina...the whole thing. So, to my future daughter, Addison (whose name I already have chosen. I'm also curious to see how this one plays out. check back with me in 20 years)...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that life becomes all that you want it to...your dreams stay big, your worries stay small...
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