For those of you who have been trying to get into contact with me...I apologize. Coming back from ACTF hit me harder than I expected and I'm still attempting to get my life back together. Between school and theatre, I've barely had a moment to organize my thoughts let alone find my system for dealing with everything this semester.
Just so you know what I've been up to...
-Rehearsals for Angels Among Us are in full swing
-I'm in 5 classes. All of which demand a lot of my time.
-I'm studying for the GRE
-I'm trying to find an internship. Need to have one locked down by April 25. No pressure or anything...
-I'm working on proposing my senior project
-I'm putting together a proposal for the class I'm trying to teach at summer camp this year
-Still have my jobs. Getting used to a new schedule is an adjustment.
And really, I'm just trying to get by. This will be one of the longest period of time I haven't gone home (February 2-April 15) and I do wish I had the opportunity to refresh myself but it will be worth it once I reach spring break. Just gotta survive until then.
So please bear with me and I promise, one of these days I will pull myself together
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Perfect
Idols. Heroes. Mentors. We all have them. They come in all forms. They might be our parents, our older cousins, our counselors, our siblings, a celebrity, or, if you're lucky like me, your mentor. There is no particular formula which designates who is an inspiration to whom but we have all experienced the intense adoration for those who lead us.
We think they are perfect. That's why we love them so much. They show us how to live. They hold ideologies and morals that resonate with us and we think their word is law. They are not necessary perfect but they are the closest representation to a perfect version of ourselves and we aspire to be like them. Even in their faults, they are wonderful. They teach us how to handle ourselves. And we couldn't be more grateful.
But something we forget is that they are human. And their human side actually binds us even closer to them. When we spend time with our idols outside of our regular setting, such as school or work, and experience actual reality with them...that's when we realize just how much they mean to us. They seem perfect before. But are vulnerable. They are really just like us. They have idols just like we do and they are flattered we think so highly of them. They want us to see them as flawless human beings but their flaws are what connect us. Sharing a private moment or seeing them while they are down...it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. That they allow us to see the other side of them shows their deep trust in our affection and care. And that is one of the most beautiful blessings you can be awarded.
We think they are perfect. That's why we love them so much. They show us how to live. They hold ideologies and morals that resonate with us and we think their word is law. They are not necessary perfect but they are the closest representation to a perfect version of ourselves and we aspire to be like them. Even in their faults, they are wonderful. They teach us how to handle ourselves. And we couldn't be more grateful.
But something we forget is that they are human. And their human side actually binds us even closer to them. When we spend time with our idols outside of our regular setting, such as school or work, and experience actual reality with them...that's when we realize just how much they mean to us. They seem perfect before. But are vulnerable. They are really just like us. They have idols just like we do and they are flattered we think so highly of them. They want us to see them as flawless human beings but their flaws are what connect us. Sharing a private moment or seeing them while they are down...it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. That they allow us to see the other side of them shows their deep trust in our affection and care. And that is one of the most beautiful blessings you can be awarded.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Recap
I'm sure all of you (and by all of you I mean the 4 of you who read this) are wondering how ACTF went.
Simply put...I'm incredibly grateful for the experience.
Hard to believe but two weeks ago, we were in tech for our remount on campus. Our two performances at SMC went well. On Saturday the 12th, we were in the theatre until 1 am loading up the truck in preparation for touring. We then left the next morning at 10 am for Humboldt! The bus ride was uneventful for the most part. I actually enjoyed myself surprisingly enough and we made it up in less than 7 hours.
Arriving at the motel was a whole different experience. The Comfort Inn has some crazy issues but that just made our experience that much more interesting. I roomed with Danielle and Ashley, who were generous to give me the back bedroom. We had a group dinner at round table that night, an adventure at the Dollar Tree (yep, that's what we do for fun), some drama, and finally bed around 1 am.
We were up by 5:30, on the bus at 6:30, and at the theatre unloading our set by 7:00. The whole day was pretty much a blur but we have NEVER experienced an audience like that. When that wall hit the ground I was sobbing, knowing we would never have a performance like that one again. The audience absolutely loved us and we performed better than we had ever before. But no time for celebrating, just enough for a few tears of joy and hugs and we were off to strike. We finished with 7 minutes to spare, which ultimately ended up winning an award for best load in and out. Exhausted but exhilarated, we went back to the motel. I ended up walking 2 miles to a diner at 2:00 with some of the cast once we got back, even though we were pretty much dead. Oh and did I mention that was the beginning of the consistent 5 day downpour?
Tuesday we were pretty much in a fog. Actors did their acting competition, SERA had its reading, I did the first part of my SM competition, and we saw a show that night. Lots and lots of rain.
Wednesday was a day of relaxation for most. But it did start hailing. Saw another show that night.
Thursday I finished my competition and we headed home! The trip home was even more interesting considering it was snowing for at least an hour. So awesome.
Overall picture: It was wonderful. A lot went wrong but a lot went right, for me at least. I got to spend time with friends. I got out of school which was nice. And I spent a lot of really great time with my mentor. Besides the show itself, spending time with her (and Angela, our playwright for SERA and Linda's best friend) was the best part of the experience for me.
Simply put...I'm incredibly grateful for the experience.
Hard to believe but two weeks ago, we were in tech for our remount on campus. Our two performances at SMC went well. On Saturday the 12th, we were in the theatre until 1 am loading up the truck in preparation for touring. We then left the next morning at 10 am for Humboldt! The bus ride was uneventful for the most part. I actually enjoyed myself surprisingly enough and we made it up in less than 7 hours.
Arriving at the motel was a whole different experience. The Comfort Inn has some crazy issues but that just made our experience that much more interesting. I roomed with Danielle and Ashley, who were generous to give me the back bedroom. We had a group dinner at round table that night, an adventure at the Dollar Tree (yep, that's what we do for fun), some drama, and finally bed around 1 am.
We were up by 5:30, on the bus at 6:30, and at the theatre unloading our set by 7:00. The whole day was pretty much a blur but we have NEVER experienced an audience like that. When that wall hit the ground I was sobbing, knowing we would never have a performance like that one again. The audience absolutely loved us and we performed better than we had ever before. But no time for celebrating, just enough for a few tears of joy and hugs and we were off to strike. We finished with 7 minutes to spare, which ultimately ended up winning an award for best load in and out. Exhausted but exhilarated, we went back to the motel. I ended up walking 2 miles to a diner at 2:00 with some of the cast once we got back, even though we were pretty much dead. Oh and did I mention that was the beginning of the consistent 5 day downpour?
Tuesday we were pretty much in a fog. Actors did their acting competition, SERA had its reading, I did the first part of my SM competition, and we saw a show that night. Lots and lots of rain.
Wednesday was a day of relaxation for most. But it did start hailing. Saw another show that night.
Thursday I finished my competition and we headed home! The trip home was even more interesting considering it was snowing for at least an hour. So awesome.
Overall picture: It was wonderful. A lot went wrong but a lot went right, for me at least. I got to spend time with friends. I got out of school which was nice. And I spent a lot of really great time with my mentor. Besides the show itself, spending time with her (and Angela, our playwright for SERA and Linda's best friend) was the best part of the experience for me.
Friday, February 11, 2011
New Semester
The new semester is treating me well...better than usual actually. Over the past couple of weeks (and partly in Jan Term too), I've suddenly developed into the person I always wanted to be. Some of these reasons will appear superficial and against much of my philosophy but I mean them in the best way possible.
First, I've made it my goal to graduate magna cum laude next year. As of now, I can meet this goal. However it means I cannot let anything slip and I have all challenging classes both academically and artistically. Dance in Performance requires intense focus during dance performances which we attend, strong reading comprehension skills, willingness to talk in class, and ability to write clearly and eloquently about a challenging subject. Upside? Great class. Cathy is the professor. And Kathleen is in it. Women Playwright's means reading 2 plays and 2-4 pages of writing per week in addition to other papers and a major research project. This class has its challenges not only because of the writing intensive nature and necessity to read and comprehend multiple unfamiliar plays, it is taught by Rebecca. I had a lower division class of hers last semester and she marked me down due to my lack of consistent participation in class. Seminar has similar challenges--a lot of reading, a lot of writing, and a lot of needed class participation. My lighting design classes will challenge me artistically but are exactly what I need as a theatre professional. They will force me to become more familiar with lighting instruments, light plots, and to have confidence in myself as an artist. Plus they are taught by Michael and Linda--doesn't get any better than that!
We've only been in class for less than a week but I'm already speaking out more, doing homework more completely, and feeling more focused. This could just be the excitement of the first week but I'm glad that I've felt the urge to push myself harder.
Part of my confidence comes from a recent change in appearance. If you know me, you know my hair is both my best friend and my worst enemy. In simple terms, this means I love it when I'm dressing up because I have time to make it look nice and dread in on a daily basis because it is nearly impossible to tame it down to something simple yet pretty without taking too much time. I recently have found a new hair regimen to complete both before bed (when my hair is wet from the shower) and when I get ready in the morning. The frizzy mess is gone! I can manipulate my hair into a style that neither looks too formal nor too casual. This has made my confidence and over all happiness increase more than I would freely like to admit. In addition, my style has suddenly made a complete turn around. For someone like me, this doesn't mean all that much but I'll admit, I feel pretty good. I never understood how style could be easily integrated into a person's daily life without too much effort but somehow I've done it. Nothing is too excessive, it's just enough to put a little extra spring in my step.
All of these combined have made me a very happy girl. I feel like this is just one part of me that was dying to grow up and it finally has. Took it long enough! But really, I'm so much more satisfied with just about everything in my life. It makes the ridiculous moments just a little bit easier to handle. I never understood what impact fashion could have on your life but it makes me feel more like an adult than a adult trapped in a teenager's body. My carriage is different, my attitude is different...all excellent improvements as I move closer to the real world.
First, I've made it my goal to graduate magna cum laude next year. As of now, I can meet this goal. However it means I cannot let anything slip and I have all challenging classes both academically and artistically. Dance in Performance requires intense focus during dance performances which we attend, strong reading comprehension skills, willingness to talk in class, and ability to write clearly and eloquently about a challenging subject. Upside? Great class. Cathy is the professor. And Kathleen is in it. Women Playwright's means reading 2 plays and 2-4 pages of writing per week in addition to other papers and a major research project. This class has its challenges not only because of the writing intensive nature and necessity to read and comprehend multiple unfamiliar plays, it is taught by Rebecca. I had a lower division class of hers last semester and she marked me down due to my lack of consistent participation in class. Seminar has similar challenges--a lot of reading, a lot of writing, and a lot of needed class participation. My lighting design classes will challenge me artistically but are exactly what I need as a theatre professional. They will force me to become more familiar with lighting instruments, light plots, and to have confidence in myself as an artist. Plus they are taught by Michael and Linda--doesn't get any better than that!
We've only been in class for less than a week but I'm already speaking out more, doing homework more completely, and feeling more focused. This could just be the excitement of the first week but I'm glad that I've felt the urge to push myself harder.
Part of my confidence comes from a recent change in appearance. If you know me, you know my hair is both my best friend and my worst enemy. In simple terms, this means I love it when I'm dressing up because I have time to make it look nice and dread in on a daily basis because it is nearly impossible to tame it down to something simple yet pretty without taking too much time. I recently have found a new hair regimen to complete both before bed (when my hair is wet from the shower) and when I get ready in the morning. The frizzy mess is gone! I can manipulate my hair into a style that neither looks too formal nor too casual. This has made my confidence and over all happiness increase more than I would freely like to admit. In addition, my style has suddenly made a complete turn around. For someone like me, this doesn't mean all that much but I'll admit, I feel pretty good. I never understood how style could be easily integrated into a person's daily life without too much effort but somehow I've done it. Nothing is too excessive, it's just enough to put a little extra spring in my step.
All of these combined have made me a very happy girl. I feel like this is just one part of me that was dying to grow up and it finally has. Took it long enough! But really, I'm so much more satisfied with just about everything in my life. It makes the ridiculous moments just a little bit easier to handle. I never understood what impact fashion could have on your life but it makes me feel more like an adult than a adult trapped in a teenager's body. My carriage is different, my attitude is different...all excellent improvements as I move closer to the real world.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I Believe
I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that the energy you send out into the world is the energy that will be reciprocated ten times over. I have so many goals and dreams, some of which I can control and others of which are left up to the hands of fate, but all are important to me. I believe everything happens for a reason. So I send out little prayers into the universe. Every time that clock hits 11:11, every time we pass through a tunnel, every night before bed, I send out my daily prayers. But I don't believe in asking for specific requests. It wouldn't be fair to say "please let me win this competition next week". Because that's selfish and if it's meant to be, it will happen. I don't need to ask for it. Instead, I ask for everything to be okay, to work out how it should. I ask for God to watch over my family, my friends, and my life. I can't control everything but I can control how I react and how I handle situations. I believe that if I send out my prayers and thank God for every little miracle, this is the healthiest and most beneficial way to live my life. I may not always understand or be completely content with everything but I know it's there for a reason.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Be a Man
Alrighty, just found this video of me dancing to I'll Make a Man Out of You in my bedroom when I was 15 and Gaby is recording it
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Back in my Life
I had the whole night off from rehearsal. Theoretically I would have spent the whole night working on homework so I could get ahead. I kind of did that. I did homework that's due Thursday. And was working on the homework due tomorrow but I began a conversation with a friend I hadn't talked to in so long and that immediately took precedent.
My friend Julia and I were very close my freshman year. She's one year older than me and I definitely looked to her for counsel and advice. Our friendship petered off my junior year due to unfortunate circumstances but I'm always grateful for an opportunity for us to talk again.
Our conversations are great. It's nice to catch up with someone you haven't talked to in awhile and who has so many shared experiences. We talked about school, about life, about Catalina. Our conversations are a direct reflection of how much each of us has grown in the past few years and I really enjoy that. I hope they continue.
My friend Julia and I were very close my freshman year. She's one year older than me and I definitely looked to her for counsel and advice. Our friendship petered off my junior year due to unfortunate circumstances but I'm always grateful for an opportunity for us to talk again.
Our conversations are great. It's nice to catch up with someone you haven't talked to in awhile and who has so many shared experiences. We talked about school, about life, about Catalina. Our conversations are a direct reflection of how much each of us has grown in the past few years and I really enjoy that. I hope they continue.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Perfection
You may envy perfectionists. You may hate them. You may not understand stand. Or you might just be one like me.
Being a perfectionist is ridiculous. You hold yourself to an impossible standard and find yourself dissatisfied with just about every effort. However, when something goes right...it REALLY goes right. And you'll be on a natural high for days.
But really, it's annoying and inconvenient most of the time. You compare yourself to others. You always want to succeed. You always want to be the best. And when you receive any sort of criticism, even the constructive kind, it tears you down just a little bit more than you wish it would. And you do all this while trying to lead a normal functioning social life. Not exactly great material to work off of.
Being a perfectionist is ridiculous. You hold yourself to an impossible standard and find yourself dissatisfied with just about every effort. However, when something goes right...it REALLY goes right. And you'll be on a natural high for days.
But really, it's annoying and inconvenient most of the time. You compare yourself to others. You always want to succeed. You always want to be the best. And when you receive any sort of criticism, even the constructive kind, it tears you down just a little bit more than you wish it would. And you do all this while trying to lead a normal functioning social life. Not exactly great material to work off of.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Marry Me?
Yep, I'm one of those people you probably despise. The girl who has had her wedding planned out for years.
However this is only partially true and not precisely for the reasons you are thinking. I've gradually started planning my wedding (along with my future) since I was about 14. I'm a futuristic thinking; I'm constantly thinking about what's coming next. As soon as I settle into something, my thoughts immediately go to the next project. So planning my wedding makes sense in the makeup of my brain.
I want to get married at Catalina. Not only did it change my life, it's a picturesque setting. And a small, intimate chapel. Still deciding between red and white or a turquoise and white theme for colors. That decision will come later. The dress I would like will have a fitted bodice, off the shoulder sleeves, and a long ball gown skirt. Strapless and/or really fitted dresses don't flatter me well. I want to walk down the aisle to Pachelbel's Canon in D, same as my parents. I want to enter my reception in a grand fashion. I've been inspired by videos of people dancing down the aisle to popular songs with their wedding parties. While I want a traditional wedding, I think it would be great to enter the reception with a bang. My first dance will be to, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's Wonderful World. My favorite song and my favorite version of it. My dance with my father will be to Father and Daughter by Paul Simon. And the rest...I just want people to have fun.
You may ask so who's the lucky guy? Haha. There is no guy. There won't be a guy for years. I have too many plans before that's going to happen. I'm too hard headed and driven to let anything stand in my way.
For now, I settle for planning other's weddings. Though they haven't actually been proposed to yet, I've begun planning. It's nice to be able to be able to support them and in a way, live vicariously through them. I've been there since the beginning of some of these relationships and it's wonderful to watch them grow.
To my wonderful friends who are in love--I'm so happy for you. You deserve it and I'll be there for anything you need. You know what they say, the best person to have plan your wedding is a stage manager :)
However this is only partially true and not precisely for the reasons you are thinking. I've gradually started planning my wedding (along with my future) since I was about 14. I'm a futuristic thinking; I'm constantly thinking about what's coming next. As soon as I settle into something, my thoughts immediately go to the next project. So planning my wedding makes sense in the makeup of my brain.
I want to get married at Catalina. Not only did it change my life, it's a picturesque setting. And a small, intimate chapel. Still deciding between red and white or a turquoise and white theme for colors. That decision will come later. The dress I would like will have a fitted bodice, off the shoulder sleeves, and a long ball gown skirt. Strapless and/or really fitted dresses don't flatter me well. I want to walk down the aisle to Pachelbel's Canon in D, same as my parents. I want to enter my reception in a grand fashion. I've been inspired by videos of people dancing down the aisle to popular songs with their wedding parties. While I want a traditional wedding, I think it would be great to enter the reception with a bang. My first dance will be to, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's Wonderful World. My favorite song and my favorite version of it. My dance with my father will be to Father and Daughter by Paul Simon. And the rest...I just want people to have fun.
You may ask so who's the lucky guy? Haha. There is no guy. There won't be a guy for years. I have too many plans before that's going to happen. I'm too hard headed and driven to let anything stand in my way.
For now, I settle for planning other's weddings. Though they haven't actually been proposed to yet, I've begun planning. It's nice to be able to be able to support them and in a way, live vicariously through them. I've been there since the beginning of some of these relationships and it's wonderful to watch them grow.
To my wonderful friends who are in love--I'm so happy for you. You deserve it and I'll be there for anything you need. You know what they say, the best person to have plan your wedding is a stage manager :)
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