Growing Up

It's interesting how time passes. You usually can't recognize the change in yourself or others until you step back and compare the present to the pas. I know that I've changed since high school but I hadn't realized how much until I was going through my old documents and came across a conversation I had with a friend of mine that for some reason I'd saved. The way I expressed myself when I was 17 is completely different from how I express myself now. Sentence phrasing, thought processes, emotions...all very different. I'm still the same person but, put simply, I've matured.

In other ways, I'm still exactly the same. I came across some old tech documents and realized I had the instincts of a stage manager long before I was taught. The stage managers at Catalina aren't given much power or responsibility but my desire for order and control led me to create schedules and documents that resemble methods I use now to run my shows. That's pretty cool to see.

Sometimes we're in a rush to grow up. But it doesn't need to happen all at once. We get that first taste of independence and suddenly want to take on the world, not realizing that we have many years to perfect our tastes, our styles, our skills, and our careers. I have to reign myself in on a daily basis. I have to remind myself that I don't have to be the perfect chef now, that knowing how to buy and arrange the furniture in the living room doesn't have to be a skill I need now, that my style should still reflect my unique personality and will continue to grow with me, that financial security takes time, that I'm still a student and should treat me life as such, and that I don't need to have my entire life planned out this second.

I have the tendency to live in the future. I want to have an established game plan and I don't like unease. I like knowing what's coming up. But no one knows what's about to come. For all I know, life could take me in a completely opposite but equally amazing direction than what I'm planning right now. And that needs to be okay or I'm just going to lose my mind.

What did I do Today?

To tell you the truth, I didn't do all that much today. Class and work. However I actually talked in class which for me is a huge deal. I've discovered that the reason I don't talk in class isn't necessarily that I'm scared or have nothing to say. It's simply that I don't want people who I don't know or feel comfortable with into my thoughts. Not that I'm sharing anything truly profound most of the time but I consider my thoughts to be sacred and I prefer to share them with people who will actually listen, respond, or debate back with healthy arguments.

Dance tomorrow. Class tomorrow. Then weekend. Who knew the first week of Jan Term would fly by so quickly?

I love Wednesdays

Shannon, Kathleen, and Danielle at Pier 39

Danielle and Andrew

Kathleen

ME

Danielle


Wednesdays during Jan term are great. Why? Because I have no "real" class. Dance this morning which was incredible and then stopped by the theatre to say hi to their Jan Term SM and help him out a bit. Lunch with the suitemates and then...I got asked out.
Yep, going on my first date on Wednesday :) Not going to say anything more here so you're going to have to actually talk to me to get the details.

Spent the afternoon in SF with Danielle, Andrew, and Kathleen. SO much fun. See pictures above :)

Jan Term is awesome.

Rawr

Contrary to popular belief, rawr is not an angry noise. It's the noise I make when I have nothing else to say. Which actually doesn't apply to this blog but I just felt like saying it.

I love dance. Can I ever say that enough? It felt so glad to get back into it after a year away. It's a challenging class--all dance company members plus myself and another girl but I actually kept up pretty well.

My actual class should be...amusing...but I'll survive. I've actually already found some parallels to theatre so that's going to help.

I ate healthy today. Are you proud? I am. This is a rarity in my life.

And for your insightfulness for the day...

For me, family has never been defined by blood relations. I love my family, immediate extended and REALLY extended. And I realize how much I miss them when I'm away. It's never easy to leave home to return to school but I'm always satisfied once I return because no matter where I go, I'm always surrounded by family in one form or another. It's a great comfort.

I'm ba-ack

Typical "I'm back!" blog. Yep, back at school in my suite. All unpacked. Getting ready for classes and work tomorrow. Dance 10-11:45, class 12:00-2:30, work 2:40-4:30...and I'm supposed to eat sometime in there. I'm wishing me luck. But I actually am excited for my classes and to see the girls again.

Checked my mailbox when I arrived. I've never seen so much mail for me in my life! A paycheck, a christmas card from Catalina, a postcard from Catalina, the semi-annual Catalina bulletin (sensing a theme?), 3 books for spring semester, and a wonderful gift from my sister. SO HAPPY.

Spent some time with friends. Dinner in the dining hall--can't say I missed that very much.

Also. Was watching a news program last night that said that vegans and vegetarians live 10-15 years longer. Which I passed on to Anna who is a vegan/vegetarian (depending on the day) and, not entirely seriously, told her I would give it a try. Guess who is now committed? We'll see how long this lasts. I'm betting not long.

New year, New...Boy?

I've discovered that whether you've been in many relationships or none at all, you can still have the same worries--will you find "the one"? Until recently I figured I was alone in my situation. I've never had a boyfriend. Not even those kindergarten boyfriends that mean absolutely nothing or a middle school romance. Nope, I was a late bloomer when it came to boys and then I went to an all girls high school. College should have been the opportunity to date but I jumped straight into work and responsibility, setting me apart from my peers and also taking up so much of my time that dating just didn't seem like a priority. And it's still true today. It makes me worry that I will never find someone. My lifestyle isn't going to change. I'm picky and I have high standards and there are just certain issues I'm not willing to compromise on. I'm also a hopeless romantic. That can either be my biggest strength or greatest weakness. But on the other hand, I could have been dating numerous guys by now and be just as frustrated that I can't seem to find one that works.

Clearly this isn't a huge issue now--I'm only 21. But I'm surrounded by love everyday and it just sounds so...lovely. A friend of mine got engaged last night and two of my very best friends have both found their soulmates. I've seen those grow since the beginning and it's rewarding to watch. The good thing is I've learned a lot about relationships just by observing others. So hopefully, when my time comes alone, I'll be ready.

My Wish for you

Welcome to 2011! Fairly uneventful night. Hung out with one of my dearest friends during a party at her house, actually managed to be social (seriously, I entertained this guy with tales of theatre for like an hour. Love talking to people who are interested in theatre but know nothing about it.), and left by 11 to go hang out with 2 of my favorite kitties because I'm housesitting for a friend.
2010 was quite the adventure.
-Jan Term Show. Was actually cast in a play, got my onstage time
-Survived the ridiculousness that was SERA
-Had 3 consecutive tech weeks
-First professional SM job
-Worked the LEAP concert with professional dancers
-3.9 spring semester GPA
-Saw some of my dearest friends graduate from SMC
-Watched my babies grow up, graduate from Catalina, and move onto college
-First paid ASM gig working RENT. What a wonderful experience.
-Fell in love with Ace Dance Academy by working their annual show
-Summer at Santa Catalina, part 6. 2010 edition.
-My sister met her soul mate
-My sister leaving (and luckily returning) from Africa
-Decided on grad schools
-First real roommate
-12 hour days
-Angels in America. And all that jazz
-2 part time jobs
-Faced financial difficulties
-So many adventures with Danielle and Kathleen. And Andrew.
-Tanner's many awful injuries. No more breaking!!
-Asked out for the first time
-First kiss (not related to the asking out though...haha)
-Made many very important friends
-Some awful and some awesome fall classes
-3.7 fall GPA

2011. What does it mean to me? Nothing yet. But soon. It will be a year of changes. My life is started to slowly flip upside down and this year will just be the beginning of it. It's good though. Good changes.

As for you...to quote rascal flatts, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Embrace it. Live your dreams. Don't let anything hold you back. Trust your instincts. Do what you love. Follow your heart. And above all, remember everything happens for a reason.

Love Love Love