Reasons

I feel like every post I have on here is a repeat of the last one...

But this is why I actually have no time to talk!

1. 5 classes
2. Internship, which is half an hour away, 5 days a week including Sundays
3. Work, 3 days a week
4. Assistant production manager for St. Mary's production of June in a Box
5. Production management duties for the SMC fall dance show
6. Soon to be stage manager for RENT in Walnut Creek
7. Senior project
8. Grad school essays
9. GRE studying


All of that combined leaves me busy 6 days a week with hardly any free time. Saturdays are my only "day off" and I've spent the past two working. I don't have any weekends to myself until Christmas... :)


So now you know. At this point it's a daily struggle to not fall behind so everything else is harder to fit in.

I am also not writing in this blog as much because I am writing in another blog to track my internship experience. If you want to read THAT blog, give me your email address and I will invite you

For those of you who don't think I could get any busier...

..well I have

I'm nearly impossible to reach these days not because I do not love all of you anymore but because as of today I have begun a professional theatre internship which has me in rehearsals 5 days a week in addition to 1 night of rehearsal a week at SMC, going to classes, working two jobs, working on my senior project, and applying to grad school. Needless to say...free time has ceased to exist. Not that it really existed before but this time it really went away. I am thrilled about the internship as I will be working on an actors equity show (aka...the union, big time, professional) but it is half an hour away...so I'm gone from 5-11 ish 4 nights a week and giving up much of my Sundays to this process. Yikes.

And I'm Back!

I'm beyond thrilled to be starting senior year tomorrow. I've never had a better living situation or a fuller schedule or a happier reason to go to class. I love that my best friends are just on the other side of me, that I have amazing suitemates, that I really like we all live in this space. It's wonderful.

Let It Happen

Today I literally wanted to sleep all day to avoid everything

And, sadly, I pretty much mastered that

I'm not the type to run away from responsibility but I will ignore reality if it suits me better. Too much reality.

My old technical director, Greg, is in the hospital again. Most likely he won't be back to Catalina even once he recovers. That is not something I want to deal with. So what do I do? Throw myself into a project. Hopefully it will cheer him up knowing us tech girls care about what happens

A very special person is moving. Again. Far away, again. It feels too similar.

Internship stress bogged me down today and I nearly lost my mind until the most amazing opportunity came to me. Nothing promised yet but I might have an amazing internship secured by next week

Job interview set for Friday. This job would be a dream come true for next year...pays well, fits beautifully in my schedule...I really really hope that works out


So right now...too many unknowns but slowly they are coming together

My Memories

When I started theatre, almost exactly 7 years ago, I was really into displaying EVERYTHING. So I saved a program and posters and little notes I'd accumulated during the show and tacked them up on a bulletin board in my room. As theatre slowly started taking over my life, my boards became a shrine to my passion. By the time I graduated, I had 4 bulletin boards completely full with programs, posters, postcards, ribbons, notes, and anything I could salvage from the shows that could be tacked up on the board.

When I started college, I needed a new binder for every show. At the end of each show I would close the binder (happily...I'm usually very ready for closing night) and put it in a box under my bed. I now have two boxes full of binders and every now and then I pull them out. It's fun to see how my style has evolved and to also be reminded of what each show was like. The transformation from Abundance, my first college show, to Angels in America, my grad school portfolio submission, is drastic. Angels has not joined the morgue of old shows quite yet as it is still very much alive. Once the grad school process is over...that's when I will finally put that binder away.

Timetable

I've never done things on the same time table as everyone else. I was the girl who matured at least two years before every other girl in my class yet has never been in a relationship. Ages just don't mean as much to me as everyone else.

I didn't get my license on my 16th birthday, I got it 3 months later on a date that meant more to me at a time when I felt more comfortable.

I've never had a boyfriend yet I've been planning my future since I was 11

I didn't do anything special for my 18th birthday (I was a camp counselor) but essentially that's the year I started my career

And on my 21st birthday I watched Mulan and drank sparkling cider with some of the best people I know. The desire to drink has never existed. Now that school is approaching, the pressure is mounting. You think that there's pressure when you're underage? Try when you're legal. At least you have a built in excuse when you're not legal. Now I'll have to convince people that I don't drink. Which in theory sounds easy and you're probably thinking if I had a backbone, it would be easy. The issue doesn't lie in me drinking--I don't do anything I don't feel completely comfortable with. It's the expectation that exists. I wish that it wasn't automatically assumed that now that I'm 21, I will suddenly feel comfortable with drinking. I don't care how safe it is, how people will look out for me...it's just not something I'm interested in nor do I feel comfortable with it yet. When I feel like I'm ready, it will just happen. I'm just hoping the rest of the world will understand that and leave me alone like they've done up until this point.

Things I look Forward To

Amidst the stress of senior year and my future, there is one comforting thought. I honestly cannot until I reach the age where I will have a family and finally have kids of my own. Although I'm learning to live in the moment better and am taking things one day at a time, I'll be excited when those days are here.

I can't wait to see who I end up with. What my kids will look like. How many I'll have. If they are adopted or biological because adoption is something I'm interested in. Where we'll live. And finally get to make home movies of my own. I look forward to every milestone, from their first steps to their high school graduations. I think there is nothing more precious than watching children grow up and reach their own moments of success. And when those days are here...I think I'll definitely be living in the moment.

Never a Moment of Stasis

You can thank my director, Reid, for the use of the word "stasis". It's one of his favorites to use in acting class and during rehearsal processes

Today was one of those crazy whirlwind days which began in a lovely way.

Spent about an hour talking to Linda which is definitely something I needed. With all of the projects I'm working on, she's one of the people I need most to remind me that it will all be okay.

Almost got an internship today but I don't think that one's going to work out so I'm literally back to square one. Keep your fingers crossed...I'm getting worried.

My dad finally came home! His truck broke down at our cabin and he was supposed to be back on Wednesday but now he's home

One of my closest friends will be leaving the country for awhile. Limited communication to the states. I'm going to miss her terribly I really gotta get better about dealing with stuff like this.

I'll be going to the American College Dance Festival in March which I'm really excited about. I'll be stage managing one of our dance pieces which is an awesome opportunity for me. I've never gone before but as it's my senior year, Linda and Cathy have been trying for awhile to find the right time for me to go and now we found it!

Confession: I really like a Miley Cyrus song right now. I KNOW, as a person she disgusts me and for the most part her voice is obnoxious but her song "I'll always remember you" is pretty fitting for my life right now

What's Normal

Normal people sleep at 2 am

I study for the math section of the GRE with my kitty sleeping next to me and listen to the Yale Whiffenpoofs on repeat as my reminder for why I'm doing this crazy thing

I swear to God, whoever wrote out the explanations of these problems has never taught a class on math. Either that or their class failed because they are so unclear

Dear Small Critters

Dear small critters who insist on skittering across my roof at night,

Um

Stop

It's becoming increasingly annoying and I do not like noises in the night


Thanks

Reminders

There's a lot I have to conquer

Internship
Grad School Apps
GRE
Senior Project

Any number of these would be enough to keep me busy but, per usual, I'm not taking the easy way out

Tonight I pulled out my Angels in America binder, the one thing that's going to get me through the next few months, as a reminder for why I'm doing all of this. That binder is the representation of everything I've learned for the past 7 years and a demonstration of my ability...proof that, in fact I can do this.

So when I get overwhelmed, which is a frequent occurrence, or doubt that I can actually pull this off (also a frequent occurrence), I just need to pull out that binder. It's full to capacity with memories...the memories of the original production and the tour and everything those meant to me. It wasn't an easy process by any means but it bonded us together. We undertook one of the greatest adventures of our careers and I will never forget what that meant to me. The people I worked with, the people who believed in us, and the people I spent time with during the process...that's what that show really was. How we all came together for this common goal...the true representation of theatre.

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where I'm going to get an internship, how good my grad school essays will be, if I will be able to answer a single question on the math section of the GRE, if my senior project will make Linda proud, or if I will even get into grad school. I don't even know how much sleep or real rest I'm going to get until I have a definite answer for all of these questions but I do know that I will get through it. Through every email to theatre companies, every rewritten grad school essay, every demanding question on the GRE, every step I take to perfect my senior project, and even through the potential grad school rejections. Because I have something that not everyone can boast about. I have the most incredible support system you could ever imagine. They believe in me, they believe in theatre, and they actually know how to do their jobs well. If I fail it won't be from lack of trying.

Amazing

It is utterly amazing that after twenty minutes of passionate hysterical sobbing over...well the instigator was my GRE math study guide and it was just downhill from there...that all I needed was to go through all of my tagged photos on Facebook and remind myself of all the crazy fun memories I've had.

Good to know because I feel like this is going to be a recurring theme this year.

The Skates

Today I laced up my competition roller skates for the first time in over a year. I went skating last year with my suite but those were rental skates and although they got the job done, they weren't mine.

Wearing these skates reminded me how much fun and security I felt while I was skating. These skates look worn. Their once pure white color and perfect round wheels are now stained with memories of every competition, every practice, and every routine I executed. But their familiar feel and look is comforting. Although it took me a little longer to lace them up (I used to be the first person out of the floor and the first to leave at the end of practice because of the speed at which I laced my skates), the routine felt familiar.

Skating in my front entry way isn't quite the same as having an entire seamless floor over which to skate but it was the idea that this is still something to which I belong. This is my sport and I miss having the chance to do this 3-4 times a week.

So my hips are now sore from trying the spreadeagle and I definitely fell once but it's totally worth it.

Hello Again

Somehow this summer has dwindled down to nothing but three weeks left. I don't really know when that happened, as is the case with much in my life. Sadly I spend so much time living in the future that I forget to appreciate the day to day miracles.

So what does this mean? It means my jobs are done. It means I should begin getting ready for school. And it really means I should be doing everything I put off all summer. However, as I am constantly examining my life and attempting to understand why I am the way I am, I've discovered that there is no point trying to make me do something unless I am entirely motivated and whole heartedly willing to put in the effort. And on the flip side, once I find that motivation it is essential I follow through because who knows when it will come back.

Which has led us to where we are today. Spending long days sitting in my house, streaming Netflix for endless hours, eating as poorly as a reasonable person could, and cuddling with my cat. Upon tiring of these frivolous activities, I study for the GRE...at 2:00 am. I could be reasonable and just sleep but I know that I have to grab those moments of motivation or I will literally never get anything done. I wish I could say the motivation to write my grad school essays had surfaced but sadly that desire is remaining dormant for the moment. For topics that seem so easy I'm having the most difficult time forming complete sentences. How do you reduce your entire passion and structure of life into six five-hundred word essays?

On the one hand, I could talk for hours about theatre. How theatre changed my life. Why I feel stage management is simply ingrained into my soul and defines every move I make. How a school changed the way I saw myself. And how one person made all of that come together. And on the other hand, I am accustomed to talking about these defining moments in conversational terms and I am trying to impress the top universities in the country. But no pressure or anything.

Those are the thoughts of the night. More tomorrow.

With love





***
Case in Point: I wrote the first paragraph to my Columbia essay (or...the first draft of it anyway)



Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Lean towards the Prospective

Theatre is a collective experience, rich with integrity, theories, and ardor. In my years of working in theatre I have been blessed to work with many lovely and passionate artists, and I have also been fortunate to see the positive light in every negative situation. With each show brings countless reasons to laugh, inevitable instances from which to learn, and appreciated moments of stasis. As I continue to hone my craft I am perpetually acquiring new influences that dictate the doctrine by which I stage manage. I view every show as a new challenge, a new learning experience, and new opportunity to make the acquaintance of someone with the ability to change my life.

How wonderful life is that you're in world

I haven't updated this in so long so I apologize to the mass numbers of you (i.e. the 4 of you who read this) that have been wondering what I'm doing with my life. No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, at least not literally. Socially, just a little.

It's July 17. My shows are coming to a close in a week, summer closing in a little over a month, and all I can think at this precise moment is how I got this lucky. Why I was blessed early in life with amazing family, wonderful friends, and a die hard passion for something I will never know. But this summer is pretty telling of that.

Camp:

Camp comes to a close next Saturday. I spent the first two weeks getting a feel for the show, getting to know the campers, and spending some great time with two of my closest friends, Kristen and Fiona. I began teaching on July 4 and let's just say I have a new found respect for teachers. Although I had an idea of what to expect, teaching has been a whole new experience for me. First off, I am the youngest teacher by at least 5 years. Most teachers are at least 30 if not older. That in itself is a challenge as it is an adjustment for those who were used to me being a counselor and now have to adjust to seeing me in a different role. I have four wonderful girls in my class (I began with 2, so this is a step up) with more energy than I know what to do with and virtually no theatre experience. We spent two and a half weeks learning about backstage theatre and what it is comprised of. They watched DVDs of past camp shows where I asked them to point of specific technical elements they noticed as well as DVDs of previous SMC Dance Company shows where I asked them to describe what they saw in the lighting. About a week into the class I took them to the recital hall on campus. The recital hall is smaller than our performing arts center but had a light board and some instruments hung which made the perfect light laboratory for the girls. Once the girls discovered the freedom they had with the light board and what options were available to them, they had a real interest in it. I had them each create a design of their choice and then write out a description. We took a picture of each design and they will be on display in the performing arts center on closing day. We are now in tech week which is a very unique process this year since the show isn't even complete yet. But the girls were great on Friday. I'd taken them to rehearsals during class a few times so they already had a sense of what their responsibilities were. I'm really pleased with the progress they've made and I hope they are enjoying themselves. Nearly all of them wanted to be a spotlight operator so I literally had to hold "auditions" but in the end, they're all exactly where they should be during the show. As challenging as it is (keeping 4 12-year-old girls on task is a a nearly impossible feat at times), it's been a very rewarding process. One student in particular seems to really understand and enjoy technical theatre. She reminds me a bit of myself and I hope she continues with it. It's a special gift to really appreciate the art of technical theatre and I hope she realizes that.

Once Upon a Mattress:

My show closes next Sunday and although I am sad to be leaving people, it has been such a good experience for me. I already knew this director from last year's production of Rent and I really enjoy his style and attitude concerning all aspects of theatre. My stage manager was new to me but she and I had an instant connection and it's been a great experience working with her. This show wasn't without its challenges though. We had a total of three rehearsals locations due to renovations being done to our home theatre and working in a new performance space to many kept us on our toes. We used a taped out set for the entire rehearsal process as we weren't in our real location until two days before tech. We had hardly any props or real furniture until the week before tech. And as we are trying to get our show up on its feet, the company itself was moving out of their home of 30 years and into storage and portable classrooms to make room for renovations. Through all of the challenges however, we managed to bond as a company. At our final rehearsal on the Morgan Stock Stage before renovations began, the entire company stood together in a circle and remembered how many years of history existed on that stage. It was a precious for many as they had performed a significant number of times in that theatre as children, as teenagers, and as adults. We then moved to a rehearsal location in our temporary shop in Sand City. We had an area dedicated to the "stage" while the rest of the warehouse was full of lumber, power tools, and many old set pieces transported there for storage. It wasn't ideal but it worked for us until we were finally able to use the Forest Theatre. We began battling the elements as soon as we arrived and had to cut our first rehearsal short due to VERY heavy fog (welcome to Carmel...) and canceled a tech rehearsal due to rain but the cast moved seamlessly from the taped-out set to the very real one on which they were now expected to perform. Now we have completed 3 weekends of show full of laughter, funny mishaps, and plenty of backstage bonding.

Acceptance

Copied and pasted from facebook


JUNE IS NATIONAL GAY PRIDE MONTH: Repost if you know or love someone who is gay. A wish that people will SOON understand that being gay is not a disease or a choice! People who are gay are not looking for a CURE but for ACCEPTANCE & EQUAL RIGHTS. Many won't copy and paste this. PROMOTE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. STOP THE HATE! ♥



Love to all of my LGBTQIA (I remembered the order without having to look it up...yes!) friends and especially to one of my best friends for being so strong and loving amidst far more difficulty than any person should have to withstand.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the best dad I could ever ask for. It's hard to sum up how amazing he is in a list but here goes my best shot.

Thank you for...

-Cooking even when you're tired
-Giving us parties
-Taking us to get our cars fixed
-Telling us not to worry about money while still instilling a strong sense of financial responsibility
-Putting up with my cat even though you are allergic and she is annoying
-Always calling me back
-Being genuinely excited about all of my accomplishments
-Giving me advice when I'm having trouble
-Teaching me about the world
-Having an answer for everything
-Always believing in me
-Coming to all of my shows no matter how far away they are or how boring
-Helping me keep my worries under control
-Always letting me hang out with you
-Taking me along on all of your errands
-Teaching me without nagging
-Waiting up for me even when I get home late
-Understanding my career path
-Never making me feel stupid even when I have those special blond moments
-All of those school projects "we" made together
-The years of morning lectures in the car
-Making me look good because your fashion sense is way better than mine
-Doing my hair for prom and graduation
-Knowing who's important in my life and asking about them
-Teaching me how to tackle the tough situations in life
-Building our beautiful house
-Giving me my car. And just about everything else worthwhile I own
-Sending me to Catalina even though it cost as much as an excellent college education
-Teaching me how to set the table
-Making me play the flute
-Keeping all of the ridiculous gifts we've given you over the years
-Giving us amazing Christmases
-Not yelling at me even though we are always making noise when you are sleeping
-"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life"
-Teaching me not to be a victim. You'd never let me stay down long enough...whenever I fell, I had to get right back up and keep on going
-Teaching me to be responsible for myself
-Fixing everything in the house and in the yard
-Showing me how to be the best person I can

Happy Father's Day daddy, I love you <3

The Serenity Prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference"


There is much in our lives over which we have control. But accompanying those controllable qualities are those we simply must accept.

We are born unique. Different lifestyles, different body types, different personalities. Our experiences will never the same as the next person's due to these distinct variations. There is no ultimate solution to the issues we face.

The key to happiness doesn't lie in self help books, documentary news programs, or even in the words of your best friend. Your ultimate peace lies within the pieces you choose to string together from each source of inspiration in your life. Inspiring quotes, mantras, stress relief--personal choices compiled into one philosophy for living. Relying on the world to provide for you won't do any good, you must take it upon yourself to find a way to establish a happy balance.

Am I happy all the time? Of course not. I still see myself as the awkward 11 year old with acne, glasses, braces, bad hair, bad clothes, no friends, and definitely no boyfriends. It's an image I've tried to shake but on bad days, that's all I see. But I can't let that limit me. Sure my face has recently decided to re-explode into a series of monstrous zits that stubbornly refuse to go away. But my hair has become something I love and cherish. I'm not entirely satisfied with my clothing but I feel confident when I leave the house. I'm not and never will be popular but I'm blessed with some beautiful friends, teachers, and mentors who are still there even when I feel like the lowliest human being on the face of the earth. And I've never dated anyone but still feel successful because I've begun a wonderful career and believe that the right guy(s) are just going to fall into line when I'm ready for it.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
I cannot change the way my skin reacts to life. My skin will be forever more a pain in the butt to manage and I'll just need to be grateful for the moments of bliss when it settles down into something semi-presentable.
I cannot change my coloring. As my mom puts it, I'm not one of those girls who can wear any color and any style and pull it off--I have very distinct coloring and must dress myself according. Does this mean I can't wear the soft pretty colors other girls do? Yep. But I'll just get to wear bold, striking colors that might make me stand out even more.
I cannot control my personality. Naturally, I am a person who likes things a certain way, who is stubborn, and who is sensitive. But I can accept the flaws that accompany this demanding disposition and embrace the strengths.


Courage to change the things I can
I can embrace the career I have chosen for myself and let life happen as it may. Apply for the jobs, keep a smile on my face, and always have a back up plan.
I can be kind, generous, and good spirited even when I am feeling down. My negative attitude should never affect another person's world.
I can provide for myself and others to the best of my ability and recognize limitations. As long as basic needs are met, nothing else really matters.
I can take care of myself and understand how better to treat my body

And wisdom to know the difference

Life is a journey. Sometimes it takes awhile to realize the difference between what is innate and what is external.

Explore. Try new things. Push your boundaries. Discover how much of you is inherit and how much is an image you force upon yourself.

When times are bad, find a quote that reminds you of your values and your mission. Something that is true to yourself that wil encourage constant reflection on yourself as a person and your impact on the world around you. And when all else fails?

Just smile. In time, all things will pass

Western, Wicked Women

For those of you interested, here is my final research paper for Women Playwrights


Shannon L. Gaughf
May 12, 2011
Final Research Paper
Professor Rebecca Engle

Western, Wicked Women

“I’ll get you my pretty. And your little dog too!” This famous line is used in the MGM Entertainment Group’s adaptation of Frank L. Baum’s The Wizard of Oz, which carefully constructs a relationship between two witches to show that one is clearly evil and the other inherently good. The audience does not have the opportunity to evaluate or judge the Wicked Witch of the West or Glinda the Good in an objective way; they merely resort to conforming to the stereotypes of good versus evil. These two witches live in the land of Oz where Glinda the Good makes all evil, namely the Wicked Witch of the West, simply melt into nothingness. But what if the evil wasn’t rooted in Glinda at all? If the perspective is reversed, Glinda holds the power to control evil and Elphaba has the power to obstruct it. This role reversal is established in Winnie Holzman’s script of the musical “Wicked”, which reexamines the relationship between the two witches and forces the audience to view them through a different lens.

“Bess Johnson, will you be my friend”? (Abundance, I.1) This endearing comment made by Macon Hill in “Abundance” by Beth Henley gives the illusion that she will be a careful, enthusiastic, and equal partner in her new friendship. Macon Hill is introduced as a gracious woman, eager to provide for others. She is seen as an almost Christ-like figure as she saves her friends from financial and emotion derailment on multiple occasions. But rooted in that façade of good intentions is the desire to control and manipulate Bess to fit under her perfect image. Bess does not perceive Macon’s helpfulness as anything but pure. However she slowly comes to realize that Macon’s overeager behavior to provide for her is overcompensating for Bess’ failings as both as housewife and that Macon seeks full control over Bess’s life as a way of proving who own worth as a woman. Are Macon’s intensions rooted in immoral grounds?

“Wicked” reinvents the classic story of Glinda the Good and The Wicked Witch of the West from Frank L. Baum’s story The Wizard of Oz. The novel was written at the beginning of the twentieth century and adapted into a popular film in 1939. The Wizard of Oz, “tells of the thrill of adventure, the comfort of home, and the journey of self-discovery” (Berger 5). This fairy tale-like story follows young Dorothy Gale as she is swept away by tornado to the magical Land of Oz and encounters some very good friends and one very evil witch. The two witches represent the traditional images of good and evil with Glinda the Good showing Dorothy the importance of trust, kindness, and family while The Wicked Witch of the West tries to steal this away from her. This story fascinated many including author Gregory Maguire who was more concerned with the depiction of the two witches than the ingénue. In 1995, Maguire wrote Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West which, “[built] upon Baum’s classic tale and extending it backward in time…[telling] the story from [the wicked witch of the west’s] perspective” (Britannica: Maguire). His story reveals that Elphaba, the given name of the Wicked Witch, was “lonely and misunderstood, not evil” (Britannica: Maguire). In 2003 this book was adapted into a hit musical of the same name. This time a woman named Winnie Holzman took it upon her to write the text of these iconic witches. Based on the original words of Maguire, Holzman reinvents the witches once more. She strove to show the human element to the Wicked Witch and also dissuade the traditional view of Glinda being a character of purely good conscience.

“Abundance” is the seventh written work by Beth Henley. Written in 1990, Henley spent five years researching nineteenth century pioneer life in order to have enough material to write this play (Plunka 26). In its original production at South Coast Repertory in Costa Mesa, California, it was declared a “thoughtful and accomplished piece of writing” though it received little critical attention (Plunka 26). Abundance was not received well in its Off-Broadway run as critics claimed that it sent conflicting messages about female bonding and mythology surrounding the American Dream. “Abundance” was staged multiple times over the next five years and received better reviews with each new cast reinventing the characters.

The female relationships in “Wicked” and “Abundance” rely on a topdog and underdog to thrive. Glinda and Macon are both seen as the successful and powerful characters with the ability to save their counterparts from a desolate life but in truth they cause more destruction than production. Glinda’s sickeningly sweet persona is coated with a hidden layer of selfish intentions while Macon’s gracious image hides her desire for perfection and control. Glinda and Macon appear to be offering kindness and generosity to their friendships but in reality, their selfish objectives cause Elphaba and Bess to employ destructive habits in order to make their voices heard.

By the time she reaches Shiz University, Elphaba has given into the idea that her life will never be polished, pretty, or pink. Upon establishing a friendship with Glinda, she begins to believe that there is hope for a brighter future but her dreams are quickly crushed as the truth is revealed. Glinda is a popular beauty queen and as a result, she is accustomed to getting her way. She believes that she is capable of everything and even tries to lure Elphaba to join in this image. Glinda’s life resembles a flawless bubble which encompasses every aspect she finds worthy such as popularity, getting her way, and being fashionable. Elphaba has never believed she could be on the same level as her new friend. She tells Glinda she could never be popular but Glinda replies with, “Oh Elphie, you mustn't think that way anymore! Your whole life is going to change... and all because of me” (Wicked, I.9). Glinda feels she has the power to redefine Elphaba’s persona and exemplify her best traits including her magical powers. When Elphaba finds out that her talents could allow her to meet the Wizard of Oz, the glimmer of hope that she has desperately try to quench begins to bubble to the surface. That hope allows her, “tempted by the external. Wanting to be free of her defining difference, she begins to fantasize about how her efforts might be rewarded by the Wizard” (Women, Leadership, Kruse). But by placing her faith in Glinda, the disappointment is even greater when she faces the disturbing reality that the wizard encourages rather than prevents injustice. Although she grew up believing that she must make her own path in life without the help of others, Glinda’s self assurance and ability to see a perfect future clouds her better judgement for that moment. The anger towards injustice lies dormant while she is determined to believe that the Wizard truly could help her but it unleashes itself with greater passion than before. She feels betrayed by what she considers to be her one true friend and “lost all that is dear to her… her deviance costs her not only those she loves, but also her capacity to create the type of change she so desperately believes is necessary” (Women, Leadership, Kruse). Her rational thinking of the past is gone; she transforms into a manic witch. Although she does not have the image or respect of her peers before meeting Glinda, she still felt comfortable speaking out and was able to connect with those she was trying to save. Now she is literally an outcast, banned from entering the Land of Oz and unable to assist anyone without risking her own life and putting her cause at harm.
Macon believes she understands how best to live life and imposes her knowledge on Bess. Although she had little experience or knowledge of living as a wife in the Midwest, she takes it upon herself to show Bess the best way to live. When a desperate Bess approaches Macon and asks for help in leaving her husband, Macon encourages her to stay with him, as she feels Bess needs to adapt to the housewife ideal. She knows that Bess cannot leave without her and as a result, Bess becomes a prisoner of her own life. Macon is secure in her life as she is experiencing entrepreneurship but Bess is slowly losing the sense of who she is. She fails at being both a mother and a wife and cannot come to terms with her predicament. She takes the blame of a failed life upon herself. While, “[Macon] gains a stronger sense of herself [Bess] loses her sense of herself” (5 years, Andreach). Bess sees Macon’s quick success and cannot understand why her own life does not match her friend’s. She believes that Macon holds the answers and when she fails, she slowly begins to lose grip of reality. This is emphasized even stronger when Bess returns from her capture. Bess has learned a new lifestyle, one where she lived out her dream of being a wife and a mother, but Macon does not acknowledge her friend’s success. Bess is still seen as the same simple minded and easily manipulated young woman that she was previously. Macon “admonishes Bess to drop her attachment to her Native husband” though for the first time in her life, Bess finally feels a sense of purpose in the world (Fesmire 97). Macon does not understand what is best for her friend anymore and cannot understand why Bess does not automatically accept the domesticated lifestyle. Bess develops her self confidence and her role in the world but Macon continues to hold her back, eager to bring Bess back under her control. Macon goes as far as to “chain [Bess] to a stake to prevent her from running away to wean her from her savage ways" as though she still knows what is best for her friend (5 years, Andreach). But this effort pushes Bess to realize the power she could achieve over her friend and instead of accepting the help she resents it.

Glinda’s image as a peppy, perfect, and polished young woman immediately establishes her as a popular character with the ability to help those less fortunate. Her blessings extend to her looks, her charm, and her ability to influence others easily. Glinda, “quickly becomes a leader…in large part due to her feminine beauty and ability to connect with others”. (Women, Leadership, Kruse). Her image directly contrasts that of Elphaba whose outward appearance discredits any merit. But what Glinda does not recognize is that Elphaba has strengths of her own. Glinda’s declaration of her goodness and her image of being perfect overshadows Elphaba’s altruistic and selfless habits. Elphaba is more giving and willing to serve those less fortunate because she identifies with their struggle and wishes to free them, something she hopes for herself as well. Next to Galinda who eagerly announces herself as a savior, calling attention to the fact that she is willing to room with someone as outspoken and disfigured as Elphaba and calling Elphaba her “new project” (Wicked, I.9). She encourages the students of Shiz University to view her as altruistic and genuine when in reality, Elphaba notices the true flaws in the system and desires to seek justice. When the ladies both discover the corruption the Wizard of Oz tolerates, Elphaba immediately springs to action while Glinda focuses on the social aspect. She is concerned that this will reflect badly both on her and on Oz as a whole; she does not particularly care that allowing the injustice to continue to ruin many lives. By complying with the Wizard’s plan, Glinda is “socially constructed as “good” by the Wizard,… rewarded for not challenging the Wizard’s power” and sets the Ozians against Elphaba (Berger 87). She is seen as a brave young woman to have braved the evil Elphaba and is too focused on her enhanced image to bother revealing the truth. Elphaba is now an outcast, both due to her skewed image enforced by Glinda and by her already established disconcerting appearance.

Macon is viewed as a savior when in reality, her image is nothing more than an catalyst for vengeful thoughts. By encouraging the idea that Bess is incapable of providing for herself, Bess loses the sense of who she is. She truly has, “lost her identity to Macon” as Macon now strives to perfect her life as a housewife (5 years, Andreach). She does nothing to help Bess regain what she has lost yet she easily steals from Bess’s original ideals. Macon discovers that, “she has a practical and a sexual nature [while] Bess came to the West to experience love” (5 years, Andreach). Macon has the love of two men, a fruitful lifestyle, and Bess is forced to cling to her while standing back and watching her fantasy life unfold at the hands of another. Macon loses her sense of adventure but she takes from Bess the importance of being a strong provider for the family. She is seen as the pretty, capable, and successful wife while Bess is forgotten. Bess is not even viewed as a capable human being by her husband as he frequently says, “you’re so weak…you’re useless” (Abundance, I.7). Jack has no confidence in his wife and Macon easily complies with this mentality. But Macon’s attempts to keep Bess down backfire. Those long years of waiting for her moment to shine pays off when Bess is discovered by Elmore Crome. Suddenly her words are important and only her voice can be heard. Elmore is not interested in hearing about Bess’s relationship with Macon; he wants to hear how she survived on her own in the wild. Bess could have credited Macon as a source of willpower while she was gone but her anger and resentment has been harbored for two long. Bess takes pleasure in the fact that Macon was not her savior while she was in captivity and recalls nothing of her former life. Any moment before her capture was locked in unconscious memory, never to be drudged up again. Bess takes pleasure in recalling her adventures and instead of feeling guilt for ignoring the services Macon provided for her, she has a gleeful grin on her face. Bess is now in charge of her life with her own selfish desires and the wish to control the minds of those around her.

Glinda causes more harm than good to Elphaba’s already dysfunctional world. She believes that she is helping her become a more socially acceptable person when in reality, she is taking away the best aspects of Elphaba’s personality. In her attempts to bring Elphaba to a socially equal level, she achieves the exact opposite. It is said that, “social relationships are necessarily asymmentrical and are defined by an unequal distribution of material or social goods and resources” which is shown in her friendship with Elphaba as she remains on the higher plain despite efforts to bring Elphaba out of her isolated state (Women, Leadership, Kruse). She believes that she alone knows what is best and what will make Elphaba a better, happier person. The two women share a moment in their dorm room when, in an attempt to bond with her roommate, Glinda suggests they share secrets. But when Elphaba shares a personal fact about her life, Glinda discredits it. She does not think it is a worthy secret. Instead of showing her intimacy and compassion, Glinda reinforces that the world is a cruel place that lacks sincere understanding of psychologically impairing events. In addition, Glinda paints her a picture of a flawless, opaque world with no disturbance from the outside corrupted world. But through these efforts, Elphaba begins to lose sight of her reality. Glinda’s world is not affected by evil thoughts or evil acts—she believes and accepts that through a good outward appearance, anything is possible. The only harm comes from acting like evil exists. Elphaba wants to pretend everything will be perfect but when the reality of her situation sets in again, it forces her the other direction.

Macon’s attempts to help Bess’s quality of life backfire and Bess develop a cynical approach to their relationship. Originally Bess’s true goal in life was to be a good wife and mother but in Macon’s attempt to help Bess develop this, she adopted the image that Bess desired. Even as Macon realizes that Bess is unhappy and envies her success, she tries to manipulate Bess into thinking that her life actually is fine. Bess wants to leave; she knows that, “no matter how hard she tries, she cannot please Jack… she is ready to press further into the West, but Macon, who earlier promised to go…stalls” (5 years, Andreach). Macon discovers that she has the skills to be a successful housewife and businesswoman; she does not want to leave this behind. She thinks Bess simply needs someone to run her life for her and that running away will do no good. She is also not willing to leave and needs some way to keep Bess with her. Bess cannot please her husband, has no money, and fails at a housewife. She begs Macon to leave with her but Macon firmly says that, “she has household obligations to fulfill” (Plunka, 128). This strikes a cord in Bess as that should be her in that womanly position. Macon thinks that keeping them together will benefit her the most but Bess sees Macon’s success as a continual reminder of her own failures. Bess’s inadequacies as a wife are emphasized as Macon develops a relationship with Jack. While she claims to be the only person to help Bess in this world, she betrays her by engaging in a sexual relationship with Bess’s husband. Macon believes she is clever in hiding the affair, hoping that by continuing to help Bess she will cover up the fact that she is engaging in an act of betrayal. But even this plan backfires. Upon Bess’ return, she, “reminds Macon that on the night the two couples celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary, her friend removed the combs from her hair before dancing but asked Jack and not her husband to hold them for her” (5 years, Andreach). Bess knew that Macon had a secret plan for her generosity. Her need for control over Bess’ life and her uncontrollable sexual desire for Jack fueled her need to give Bess attention and assistance. Without Macon’s knowing, Bess discovers the affair and begins to resent her friend. On the night of their fourth anniversary, Bess chooses to run outside because she cannot face the betrayal occurring inside. Her outburst caused her capture. Bess never would have been captured by the Oglala’s if Macon had engaged in the affair with Jack. Every seemingly selfless act by Macon had the undertone of self serving potential.

It can be argued, however, that Glinda and Macon have truly good intentions and circumstances led to the demise of their relationships. Glinda recognizes Elphaba’s struggle to adapt to the social world and offers her guidance to a more beneficial life. Elphaba is, “emboldened by her friendship with the popular Glinda, [and] begins to participate in a world previously inaccessible to her” (Women, Leadership, Kruse). Glinda offers to give her a makeover and invites her to the dance at which all of the popular students will be in attendance. Elphaba herself is resistant and says she, “has to go” as soon as Glinda makes an attempt to beautify her (Wicked, I.9). Glinda even accompanies Elphaba to visit the Wizard as she knows how important this is to her friend. When they discover the Wizard’s corruption, Glinda is trying to ease Elphaba’s pain by asking her to “stay calm” and leave with her (Wicked, I.17). She knows Elphaba will be ostracized permanently if she rebels against the Wizard and does what she can to keep Elphaba integrated into normal society. Similarly, Macon recognizes Bess’s natural deficiencies and naturally feels a desire to aid her. Both women want a prosperous life and Macon has the ability to help Bess reach her goal. Even in their first meeting Macon is introduced as an, “open, giving woman, shares her food with the hungry Bess” when she realizes the desperate situation (5 years, Andreach). She gives her money and food when she has none and provides emotional support in areas Jack cannot fulfill. In a way she becomes more of a partner to Bess than her own husband simply because she cares more for Bess’s well being than Jack. Bess’s disappearance frightens her as she exclaims loudly, “Bess. Bess!” when she discovers Bess is gone which fuels her determination to integrate back into normal society upon her return (Abundance, I.11). She knows that Bess is even less capable of handling her finances and emotions after spending years in captivity and wants to give her a chance of a normal life once again. Nevertheless, the intentions of these two women are tainted with the ability to upset Elphaba and Bess’s lives in ways that cause permanent damage.
Glinda encourages the evil to continue in the land of Oz even though she is aware of the truth. She has forced her best friend into exhile because she is not strong enough to stand up against authority or ruin her flawless image. She enjoys the influence she has over others and by turning her back on Elphaba, her popularity increased. She fears ostracism and “when faced with the chance and choice to resist, she backs down, unwilling to embrace the unknown and fearing the personal cost of difference” (Women, Leadership, Kruse). She encourages the classification of Elphaba as a witch. Although she knows Elphaba would only use her powers for good, she allows a negative connotation of the word to develop among the Ozians. She fails to acknowledge the reality, that “witches are creative, magical people who have power to change the world around them” (Women, Leadership, Kruse). As a public figure in Oz, she paints the picture that Elphaba is harmful and dangerous with magical powers to match her determination to cause evil and unrest in Oz. Glinda does not allow the truth to unfold even though she is the only person who can bring forth real change. Her power and prominence in the community could change the lives of those underprivileged and mistreated members but instead, she stands back while Elphaba is declared a menace to society. Elphaba is “demonized”, unable to escape this image due to alinda’s betrayal (Women, Leadership, Kruse). By pretending everything in the Land of Oz is perfect, she makes the later reality even more disturbing and unsettling for the people of Oz. They cannot accept that their perfect, popular savior was associated with anyone evil and continue to view Elphaba as a threat to society. Elphaba is, “subsequently demonised and in the end recognises her inability to lead in the future”, knowing that the citizens of Oz will always believe her to be a Wicked Witch (Women, Leadership, Kruse). Glinda’s recognizes her power to change the land of Oz for good much too late and Elphaba is forced to fake her own death so that the Ozians will continue to believe in a happy perfect world. Glinda is seen as a hero but in reality, Elphaba is the true hero and martyr in this situation. She had the courage to stand up for justice even at the risk of losing the precious little human connection she had in her life.

Macon is the source of unrest in Bess’ life. The constant pressure for Bess to conform to Macon’s ideals finally leads to Bess’s demise. Bess is no longer the submissive, patient, dutiful wife that she strove to be in the beginning of her marriage. Rather she is vengeful, bitter, and selfish in her view of life. Instead of seeing herself as a person who needs to be controlled and domesticated, she see Macon as a, “civilized savage…attempting to have love and power simultaneously” (Plunka 131). Macon pushed Bess to destroy her fantasy world and live in reality. But that reality came with a price. Once she realizes Macon’s control over her life is the source of her happiness, revenge is the only object of Bess’s affection. In Macon’s desperate state, she refuses aid her though she knows Macon came to her aid countless times before. She believes Macon is a traitor, undeserving of financial or emotional support. Macon stole her identity and she will steals hers right back. She speaks of wild adventures and of her bravery, quoting Macon directly as to make her even angrier .Their friendship is so damaged that Bess cannot even recognize the relationship they once had. In a fit of passion Bess declares to Macon, “take this knife, take this ink. Cut open your face. I’ll let you be me” knowing that she has finally succeeded in conquering her friendship (Abundance, II.6). Their relationship has come full circle; Bess recognizes that Macon finally envies her instead of the opposite. But Bess is now alone in the world. Macon’s betrayal and lack of understanding causes their friendship to be irreparably damaged. Bess has grown beyond the true meaning of friendship. She does not know how to help those in need anymore; rather she turns to her own selfish needs first.

Without even realizing it, Glinda and Macon are conquered by their relationships. They desperately sought control over their friends and as a result they destroyed the pure nature of the relationships. Elphaba and Bess are forever changed by these kinships. Their kind spirits took a backseat to the greater need of full control over their lives. No longer do these women have clear consciences. They will forever be controlled by impure motives and thoughts, tainted by the repression imposed on them by the outside world. Their original good intentions will hide behind layers of revenge, resentment, and reality.
















Works Cited
Andreach, Robert J. "The missing five years and subjectivity in Beth Henley's 'Abundance'." Southern Quarterly 39.3 (2001): 141+. Academic OneFile. Web
Berger, Alissa. From the ‘Wizard of Oz’ to ‘Wicked’: Trajectory of American Myth. Diss. Ohio: Bowling Green State University, 2009.
Fesmire, Julia A., ed. Beth Henley: A Casebook. New York: Routledge, 2002.
Henley, Beth. Abundance. New York: Dramatists Play Service, 1991.
"Gregory Maguire." Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. Encyclopædia Britannica, 2011. Web. 18 May. 2011. .
Holzman, Winnie. Wicked. 2003. http://wickedlywicked.blogspot.com/2009/01/wickedscript.html
Kruse, Sharon D. and Prettyman, Sandra Spickard (2008) 'Women, leadership, and power revisiting the Wicked Witch of the West', Gender and Education, 20:5, 451 - 464
Perlich, John, Whitt, David, ed. Millennial Mythmaking: Essays on the Power of Science Fiction and Fantasy Literature, Films, and Games. North Caroline: McFarland & Company, Inc., 2010.
Plunka, Gene A. The Plays of Beth Henley: A Critical Study. North Carolina: McFarland & Company, Inc. , 2005.
"The Wizard of Oz." Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. Encyclopædia Britannica, 2011. Web. 18 May. 2011. .

Things I've Learned

Things it has taken me until almost my senior year to realize:


-Outlines are a very powerful tool

-Your mind has more control than your body

-If you crawl into your bed to do homework, you will want to fall asleep

-Time really does go faster as you get older.

-The moments you were truly happy will stick with you

-Don't say you can't accomplish something. You just might be surprised.

-Motivation doesn't always last. Do as much as you can while the subject is still interesting to you and you will probably finish the assignment early

-You can adapt to nearly any situation if you have a positive attitude

-The world is really small. Be careful what you say to whom.

-Appreciate the security in your routines

-Kids grow up whether we like it or not. But it's a wonderful gift to watch them grow up.

-Take pride in the small successes.

-You won't always be happy. But that's okay. You'll appreciate the good times more.

-Don't regret. You'll know when the decisions are right.

-I feel like the luckiest girl on earth and am so thankful for my schools, my home, my friends, my family, and my teachers.