There's a lot I have to conquer
Internship
Grad School Apps
GRE
Senior Project
Any number of these would be enough to keep me busy but, per usual, I'm not taking the easy way out
Tonight I pulled out my Angels in America binder, the one thing that's going to get me through the next few months, as a reminder for why I'm doing all of this. That binder is the representation of everything I've learned for the past 7 years and a demonstration of my ability...proof that, in fact I can do this.
So when I get overwhelmed, which is a frequent occurrence, or doubt that I can actually pull this off (also a frequent occurrence), I just need to pull out that binder. It's full to capacity with memories...the memories of the original production and the tour and everything those meant to me. It wasn't an easy process by any means but it bonded us together. We undertook one of the greatest adventures of our careers and I will never forget what that meant to me. The people I worked with, the people who believed in us, and the people I spent time with during the process...that's what that show really was. How we all came together for this common goal...the true representation of theatre.
I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where I'm going to get an internship, how good my grad school essays will be, if I will be able to answer a single question on the math section of the GRE, if my senior project will make Linda proud, or if I will even get into grad school. I don't even know how much sleep or real rest I'm going to get until I have a definite answer for all of these questions but I do know that I will get through it. Through every email to theatre companies, every rewritten grad school essay, every demanding question on the GRE, every step I take to perfect my senior project, and even through the potential grad school rejections. Because I have something that not everyone can boast about. I have the most incredible support system you could ever imagine. They believe in me, they believe in theatre, and they actually know how to do their jobs well. If I fail it won't be from lack of trying.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Amazing
It is utterly amazing that after twenty minutes of passionate hysterical sobbing over...well the instigator was my GRE math study guide and it was just downhill from there...that all I needed was to go through all of my tagged photos on Facebook and remind myself of all the crazy fun memories I've had.
Good to know because I feel like this is going to be a recurring theme this year.
Good to know because I feel like this is going to be a recurring theme this year.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Skates
Today I laced up my competition roller skates for the first time in over a year. I went skating last year with my suite but those were rental skates and although they got the job done, they weren't mine.
Wearing these skates reminded me how much fun and security I felt while I was skating. These skates look worn. Their once pure white color and perfect round wheels are now stained with memories of every competition, every practice, and every routine I executed. But their familiar feel and look is comforting. Although it took me a little longer to lace them up (I used to be the first person out of the floor and the first to leave at the end of practice because of the speed at which I laced my skates), the routine felt familiar.
Skating in my front entry way isn't quite the same as having an entire seamless floor over which to skate but it was the idea that this is still something to which I belong. This is my sport and I miss having the chance to do this 3-4 times a week.
So my hips are now sore from trying the spreadeagle and I definitely fell once but it's totally worth it.
Wearing these skates reminded me how much fun and security I felt while I was skating. These skates look worn. Their once pure white color and perfect round wheels are now stained with memories of every competition, every practice, and every routine I executed. But their familiar feel and look is comforting. Although it took me a little longer to lace them up (I used to be the first person out of the floor and the first to leave at the end of practice because of the speed at which I laced my skates), the routine felt familiar.
Skating in my front entry way isn't quite the same as having an entire seamless floor over which to skate but it was the idea that this is still something to which I belong. This is my sport and I miss having the chance to do this 3-4 times a week.
So my hips are now sore from trying the spreadeagle and I definitely fell once but it's totally worth it.
Hello Again
Somehow this summer has dwindled down to nothing but three weeks left. I don't really know when that happened, as is the case with much in my life. Sadly I spend so much time living in the future that I forget to appreciate the day to day miracles.
So what does this mean? It means my jobs are done. It means I should begin getting ready for school. And it really means I should be doing everything I put off all summer. However, as I am constantly examining my life and attempting to understand why I am the way I am, I've discovered that there is no point trying to make me do something unless I am entirely motivated and whole heartedly willing to put in the effort. And on the flip side, once I find that motivation it is essential I follow through because who knows when it will come back.
Which has led us to where we are today. Spending long days sitting in my house, streaming Netflix for endless hours, eating as poorly as a reasonable person could, and cuddling with my cat. Upon tiring of these frivolous activities, I study for the GRE...at 2:00 am. I could be reasonable and just sleep but I know that I have to grab those moments of motivation or I will literally never get anything done. I wish I could say the motivation to write my grad school essays had surfaced but sadly that desire is remaining dormant for the moment. For topics that seem so easy I'm having the most difficult time forming complete sentences. How do you reduce your entire passion and structure of life into six five-hundred word essays?
On the one hand, I could talk for hours about theatre. How theatre changed my life. Why I feel stage management is simply ingrained into my soul and defines every move I make. How a school changed the way I saw myself. And how one person made all of that come together. And on the other hand, I am accustomed to talking about these defining moments in conversational terms and I am trying to impress the top universities in the country. But no pressure or anything.
Those are the thoughts of the night. More tomorrow.
With love
***
Case in Point: I wrote the first paragraph to my Columbia essay (or...the first draft of it anyway)
Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Lean towards the Prospective
Theatre is a collective experience, rich with integrity, theories, and ardor. In my years of working in theatre I have been blessed to work with many lovely and passionate artists, and I have also been fortunate to see the positive light in every negative situation. With each show brings countless reasons to laugh, inevitable instances from which to learn, and appreciated moments of stasis. As I continue to hone my craft I am perpetually acquiring new influences that dictate the doctrine by which I stage manage. I view every show as a new challenge, a new learning experience, and new opportunity to make the acquaintance of someone with the ability to change my life.
So what does this mean? It means my jobs are done. It means I should begin getting ready for school. And it really means I should be doing everything I put off all summer. However, as I am constantly examining my life and attempting to understand why I am the way I am, I've discovered that there is no point trying to make me do something unless I am entirely motivated and whole heartedly willing to put in the effort. And on the flip side, once I find that motivation it is essential I follow through because who knows when it will come back.
Which has led us to where we are today. Spending long days sitting in my house, streaming Netflix for endless hours, eating as poorly as a reasonable person could, and cuddling with my cat. Upon tiring of these frivolous activities, I study for the GRE...at 2:00 am. I could be reasonable and just sleep but I know that I have to grab those moments of motivation or I will literally never get anything done. I wish I could say the motivation to write my grad school essays had surfaced but sadly that desire is remaining dormant for the moment. For topics that seem so easy I'm having the most difficult time forming complete sentences. How do you reduce your entire passion and structure of life into six five-hundred word essays?
On the one hand, I could talk for hours about theatre. How theatre changed my life. Why I feel stage management is simply ingrained into my soul and defines every move I make. How a school changed the way I saw myself. And how one person made all of that come together. And on the other hand, I am accustomed to talking about these defining moments in conversational terms and I am trying to impress the top universities in the country. But no pressure or anything.
Those are the thoughts of the night. More tomorrow.
With love
***
Case in Point: I wrote the first paragraph to my Columbia essay (or...the first draft of it anyway)
Learn from the Past, Live in the Present, Lean towards the Prospective
Theatre is a collective experience, rich with integrity, theories, and ardor. In my years of working in theatre I have been blessed to work with many lovely and passionate artists, and I have also been fortunate to see the positive light in every negative situation. With each show brings countless reasons to laugh, inevitable instances from which to learn, and appreciated moments of stasis. As I continue to hone my craft I am perpetually acquiring new influences that dictate the doctrine by which I stage manage. I view every show as a new challenge, a new learning experience, and new opportunity to make the acquaintance of someone with the ability to change my life.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
How wonderful life is that you're in world
I haven't updated this in so long so I apologize to the mass numbers of you (i.e. the 4 of you who read this) that have been wondering what I'm doing with my life. No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, at least not literally. Socially, just a little.
It's July 17. My shows are coming to a close in a week, summer closing in a little over a month, and all I can think at this precise moment is how I got this lucky. Why I was blessed early in life with amazing family, wonderful friends, and a die hard passion for something I will never know. But this summer is pretty telling of that.
Camp:
Camp comes to a close next Saturday. I spent the first two weeks getting a feel for the show, getting to know the campers, and spending some great time with two of my closest friends, Kristen and Fiona. I began teaching on July 4 and let's just say I have a new found respect for teachers. Although I had an idea of what to expect, teaching has been a whole new experience for me. First off, I am the youngest teacher by at least 5 years. Most teachers are at least 30 if not older. That in itself is a challenge as it is an adjustment for those who were used to me being a counselor and now have to adjust to seeing me in a different role. I have four wonderful girls in my class (I began with 2, so this is a step up) with more energy than I know what to do with and virtually no theatre experience. We spent two and a half weeks learning about backstage theatre and what it is comprised of. They watched DVDs of past camp shows where I asked them to point of specific technical elements they noticed as well as DVDs of previous SMC Dance Company shows where I asked them to describe what they saw in the lighting. About a week into the class I took them to the recital hall on campus. The recital hall is smaller than our performing arts center but had a light board and some instruments hung which made the perfect light laboratory for the girls. Once the girls discovered the freedom they had with the light board and what options were available to them, they had a real interest in it. I had them each create a design of their choice and then write out a description. We took a picture of each design and they will be on display in the performing arts center on closing day. We are now in tech week which is a very unique process this year since the show isn't even complete yet. But the girls were great on Friday. I'd taken them to rehearsals during class a few times so they already had a sense of what their responsibilities were. I'm really pleased with the progress they've made and I hope they are enjoying themselves. Nearly all of them wanted to be a spotlight operator so I literally had to hold "auditions" but in the end, they're all exactly where they should be during the show. As challenging as it is (keeping 4 12-year-old girls on task is a a nearly impossible feat at times), it's been a very rewarding process. One student in particular seems to really understand and enjoy technical theatre. She reminds me a bit of myself and I hope she continues with it. It's a special gift to really appreciate the art of technical theatre and I hope she realizes that.
Once Upon a Mattress:
My show closes next Sunday and although I am sad to be leaving people, it has been such a good experience for me. I already knew this director from last year's production of Rent and I really enjoy his style and attitude concerning all aspects of theatre. My stage manager was new to me but she and I had an instant connection and it's been a great experience working with her. This show wasn't without its challenges though. We had a total of three rehearsals locations due to renovations being done to our home theatre and working in a new performance space to many kept us on our toes. We used a taped out set for the entire rehearsal process as we weren't in our real location until two days before tech. We had hardly any props or real furniture until the week before tech. And as we are trying to get our show up on its feet, the company itself was moving out of their home of 30 years and into storage and portable classrooms to make room for renovations. Through all of the challenges however, we managed to bond as a company. At our final rehearsal on the Morgan Stock Stage before renovations began, the entire company stood together in a circle and remembered how many years of history existed on that stage. It was a precious for many as they had performed a significant number of times in that theatre as children, as teenagers, and as adults. We then moved to a rehearsal location in our temporary shop in Sand City. We had an area dedicated to the "stage" while the rest of the warehouse was full of lumber, power tools, and many old set pieces transported there for storage. It wasn't ideal but it worked for us until we were finally able to use the Forest Theatre. We began battling the elements as soon as we arrived and had to cut our first rehearsal short due to VERY heavy fog (welcome to Carmel...) and canceled a tech rehearsal due to rain but the cast moved seamlessly from the taped-out set to the very real one on which they were now expected to perform. Now we have completed 3 weekends of show full of laughter, funny mishaps, and plenty of backstage bonding.
It's July 17. My shows are coming to a close in a week, summer closing in a little over a month, and all I can think at this precise moment is how I got this lucky. Why I was blessed early in life with amazing family, wonderful friends, and a die hard passion for something I will never know. But this summer is pretty telling of that.
Camp:
Camp comes to a close next Saturday. I spent the first two weeks getting a feel for the show, getting to know the campers, and spending some great time with two of my closest friends, Kristen and Fiona. I began teaching on July 4 and let's just say I have a new found respect for teachers. Although I had an idea of what to expect, teaching has been a whole new experience for me. First off, I am the youngest teacher by at least 5 years. Most teachers are at least 30 if not older. That in itself is a challenge as it is an adjustment for those who were used to me being a counselor and now have to adjust to seeing me in a different role. I have four wonderful girls in my class (I began with 2, so this is a step up) with more energy than I know what to do with and virtually no theatre experience. We spent two and a half weeks learning about backstage theatre and what it is comprised of. They watched DVDs of past camp shows where I asked them to point of specific technical elements they noticed as well as DVDs of previous SMC Dance Company shows where I asked them to describe what they saw in the lighting. About a week into the class I took them to the recital hall on campus. The recital hall is smaller than our performing arts center but had a light board and some instruments hung which made the perfect light laboratory for the girls. Once the girls discovered the freedom they had with the light board and what options were available to them, they had a real interest in it. I had them each create a design of their choice and then write out a description. We took a picture of each design and they will be on display in the performing arts center on closing day. We are now in tech week which is a very unique process this year since the show isn't even complete yet. But the girls were great on Friday. I'd taken them to rehearsals during class a few times so they already had a sense of what their responsibilities were. I'm really pleased with the progress they've made and I hope they are enjoying themselves. Nearly all of them wanted to be a spotlight operator so I literally had to hold "auditions" but in the end, they're all exactly where they should be during the show. As challenging as it is (keeping 4 12-year-old girls on task is a a nearly impossible feat at times), it's been a very rewarding process. One student in particular seems to really understand and enjoy technical theatre. She reminds me a bit of myself and I hope she continues with it. It's a special gift to really appreciate the art of technical theatre and I hope she realizes that.
Once Upon a Mattress:
My show closes next Sunday and although I am sad to be leaving people, it has been such a good experience for me. I already knew this director from last year's production of Rent and I really enjoy his style and attitude concerning all aspects of theatre. My stage manager was new to me but she and I had an instant connection and it's been a great experience working with her. This show wasn't without its challenges though. We had a total of three rehearsals locations due to renovations being done to our home theatre and working in a new performance space to many kept us on our toes. We used a taped out set for the entire rehearsal process as we weren't in our real location until two days before tech. We had hardly any props or real furniture until the week before tech. And as we are trying to get our show up on its feet, the company itself was moving out of their home of 30 years and into storage and portable classrooms to make room for renovations. Through all of the challenges however, we managed to bond as a company. At our final rehearsal on the Morgan Stock Stage before renovations began, the entire company stood together in a circle and remembered how many years of history existed on that stage. It was a precious for many as they had performed a significant number of times in that theatre as children, as teenagers, and as adults. We then moved to a rehearsal location in our temporary shop in Sand City. We had an area dedicated to the "stage" while the rest of the warehouse was full of lumber, power tools, and many old set pieces transported there for storage. It wasn't ideal but it worked for us until we were finally able to use the Forest Theatre. We began battling the elements as soon as we arrived and had to cut our first rehearsal short due to VERY heavy fog (welcome to Carmel...) and canceled a tech rehearsal due to rain but the cast moved seamlessly from the taped-out set to the very real one on which they were now expected to perform. Now we have completed 3 weekends of show full of laughter, funny mishaps, and plenty of backstage bonding.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Acceptance
Copied and pasted from facebook
JUNE IS NATIONAL GAY PRIDE MONTH: Repost if you know or love someone who is gay. A wish that people will SOON understand that being gay is not a disease or a choice! People who are gay are not looking for a CURE but for ACCEPTANCE & EQUAL RIGHTS. Many won't copy and paste this. PROMOTE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. STOP THE HATE! ♥
Love to all of my LGBTQIA (I remembered the order without having to look it up...yes!) friends and especially to one of my best friends for being so strong and loving amidst far more difficulty than any person should have to withstand.
JUNE IS NATIONAL GAY PRIDE MONTH: Repost if you know or love someone who is gay. A wish that people will SOON understand that being gay is not a disease or a choice! People who are gay are not looking for a CURE but for ACCEPTANCE & EQUAL RIGHTS. Many won't copy and paste this. PROMOTE LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE. STOP THE HATE! ♥
Love to all of my LGBTQIA (I remembered the order without having to look it up...yes!) friends and especially to one of my best friends for being so strong and loving amidst far more difficulty than any person should have to withstand.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day
Happy Father's Day to the best dad I could ever ask for. It's hard to sum up how amazing he is in a list but here goes my best shot.
Thank you for...
-Cooking even when you're tired
-Giving us parties
-Taking us to get our cars fixed
-Telling us not to worry about money while still instilling a strong sense of financial responsibility
-Putting up with my cat even though you are allergic and she is annoying
-Always calling me back
-Being genuinely excited about all of my accomplishments
-Giving me advice when I'm having trouble
-Teaching me about the world
-Having an answer for everything
-Always believing in me
-Coming to all of my shows no matter how far away they are or how boring
-Helping me keep my worries under control
-Always letting me hang out with you
-Taking me along on all of your errands
-Teaching me without nagging
-Waiting up for me even when I get home late
-Understanding my career path
-Never making me feel stupid even when I have those special blond moments
-All of those school projects "we" made together
-The years of morning lectures in the car
-Making me look good because your fashion sense is way better than mine
-Doing my hair for prom and graduation
-Knowing who's important in my life and asking about them
-Teaching me how to tackle the tough situations in life
-Building our beautiful house
-Giving me my car. And just about everything else worthwhile I own
-Sending me to Catalina even though it cost as much as an excellent college education
-Teaching me how to set the table
-Making me play the flute
-Keeping all of the ridiculous gifts we've given you over the years
-Giving us amazing Christmases
-Not yelling at me even though we are always making noise when you are sleeping
-"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life"
-Teaching me not to be a victim. You'd never let me stay down long enough...whenever I fell, I had to get right back up and keep on going
-Teaching me to be responsible for myself
-Fixing everything in the house and in the yard
-Showing me how to be the best person I can
Happy Father's Day daddy, I love you <3
Thank you for...
-Cooking even when you're tired
-Giving us parties
-Taking us to get our cars fixed
-Telling us not to worry about money while still instilling a strong sense of financial responsibility
-Putting up with my cat even though you are allergic and she is annoying
-Always calling me back
-Being genuinely excited about all of my accomplishments
-Giving me advice when I'm having trouble
-Teaching me about the world
-Having an answer for everything
-Always believing in me
-Coming to all of my shows no matter how far away they are or how boring
-Helping me keep my worries under control
-Always letting me hang out with you
-Taking me along on all of your errands
-Teaching me without nagging
-Waiting up for me even when I get home late
-Understanding my career path
-Never making me feel stupid even when I have those special blond moments
-All of those school projects "we" made together
-The years of morning lectures in the car
-Making me look good because your fashion sense is way better than mine
-Doing my hair for prom and graduation
-Knowing who's important in my life and asking about them
-Teaching me how to tackle the tough situations in life
-Building our beautiful house
-Giving me my car. And just about everything else worthwhile I own
-Sending me to Catalina even though it cost as much as an excellent college education
-Teaching me how to set the table
-Making me play the flute
-Keeping all of the ridiculous gifts we've given you over the years
-Giving us amazing Christmases
-Not yelling at me even though we are always making noise when you are sleeping
-"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life"
-Teaching me not to be a victim. You'd never let me stay down long enough...whenever I fell, I had to get right back up and keep on going
-Teaching me to be responsible for myself
-Fixing everything in the house and in the yard
-Showing me how to be the best person I can
Happy Father's Day daddy, I love you <3
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