The Future

School is ending in 3 weeks.

I can remember sitting in my room at this time last year, completely exhilarated about the amount of theatre I was doing for the next month and incredibly sad about the people who would soon be leaving. I remember it like it was yesterday.

But that was a year ago.

A year from now I will be preparing for my graduation. And who knows what the future holds for me.

Theatre is an unpredictable life. You follow the work. And your life is the work. There is virtually no distinction between your profession and your personal life. You pour your heart and soul into it, get ripped to shreds, endure some painful moments and trying times for those few moments of absolute bliss. And that's what you live for. Those moments? They're worth it. They are why you give up your social life, your relationships, your family...all of that is put off until the moment when theatre tells you it's okay to let go.

Part of me loves the excitement, the thrill, the endless possibility. I am giddy with excitement when companies post their next season of shows, questioning whether I could possible fit a show into my already busy schedule. I love beginning a new project. I love the moments of chaos when I feel completely in control at the exact same time. I love the rush of opening night. I love standing ovations. I love that my work could take me anywhere, that my future is limitless at this point. That's the joy of being a 20-something--you have so much to learn, so much potential to fulfill, so many opportunities to seize

And then the rational side of me fears for my future. I've already settled into some pretty solid habits and routines. I'm only 20 and I've already developed a crazy work schedule, aversion to social life, relationship phobia due to lack of time, and some god awful eating and sleeping habits. Yet I justify them because I am "successful". Healthy right? But I'm also fiercely devoted to my family and friends. My number one priority to be able to be there for them when they need a laugh, a hug, or an encouraging word. And as we grow older, special moments will come up more frequently. No longer will we just need to hang out and talk, we will be planning weddings, lifestyles, and families. And I want to be there for all of that with them. Part of me wishes I could see the future so I could put all of these monumental events on my permanent conflicts calendar, knowing I can't be doing a show at that time so that I can fulfill my other duties--nothing is greater than the gift of being a friend.

I often say that theatre and life do not get along. And what I mean by this is that life happens whether we plan for it or not. People die, people get sick, people have crises...that's all part of life. Theatre schedules are not very accommodating of this. Regardless of what personal crisis you are dealing with, you must still show up to your 6:00 call ready to go whether you want to or not. It's not like a regular job where you can take a week off and someone will cover for you. You play a significant role, no matter how big or small you think your part may be.

It's ironic that I say theatre and life don't get along because theatre is life. Theatre reflects our deepest desires and our most painful thoughts. It constantly throws all of that emotion, angst, and joy around to hopefully inflect some sort of reaction. That pain we're feeling? You can find it in a Broadway show

I can't predict the future. It's April 26, 2011. This is going to be a year of change and uncertainty. The rest of my life is going to be a roller coast of change and uncertainty. There will be painful moments, some of struggle, some of heartache, and some moments when i will simply question if the life I have chosen is worth it.

And then I think back on the moments when I was happiest. On those unpredictable moments when everything in the world just came together.

And I remember why I do what I do.

10 Unusual Facts About Me

Because I'm such an odd individual...

1. I primarily eat at night. It's not uncommon for me to eat all 3 meals after 9 pm

2. My average bedtime is 2 am

3. The last thing I do before bed is shower

4. If I really want something, I shop on ebay and amazon

5. My room has to be clean before going to bed

6. If I'm in my room, I am wearing sweatpants and a t shirt. If I'm out, I wear real clothes. Very rarely is this switched

7. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed or what time I have to wake up--I'm going to hate life when the alarm goes off

8. I have to be early to absolutely everything

9. I have to have music playing when I drive.

10. I rarely watch TV shows when they are aired--I watch everything online

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I feel like I'm somewhere over the rainbow

Angels Among Us is closed. Dance show prep began today. And I'm home.

As of now, it doesn't get any better than this

:)

Video

For those of you not on facebook...

here is a link to the video I made for Angels Among Us

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3NkNGFlqyg


We have finally closed that beast of a show. I learned more than I ever expected but have never been more relieved for a show to close. Going straight from the tour of Angels in America to this show with spring break so late has been a huge challenge but we survived!

What I Love

~My Family

~My cat

~Monterey

~Catalina

~Hugs

~Smiles

~Random Acts of Kindness

~St. Mary's

~Opening nights

~Curtain calls

~Lighting design

~Videography

~Stage management

~Children

~My sister

~My mentor

~The best friends in the world

~Late night driving

~Theatre people

~Stage Crew

~Our master carpenter and master electrician

~Good hair days

~Doing my best

~Good grades

~Meaningful conversations

~Weekly meetings with my mentor

~Dance show weeks

~Dance

~Singing

~Camp

~Laughing

~Inside jokes

~Those special moments you know you will remember forever

Power of Prayer

Have you ever had someone incredibly important in your life but lack the words to express why they mean so much? There are so many wonderful people in my life but I cannot truly explain why some mean so much. Their impact can be fleeting but memorable. Some just stick with you, forever ingrained as associated with a special memory.

My first two years at Catalina, our activities coordinator was an important influence on me. She was a theatre major from New York, Catalina alum, and someone I aspired to be like. Although our interactions were brief, I appreciated every moment we shared and how much I learned from her. She was a significant contribution to my love of the theatre world and I was very sad when she and her family (also wonderful people, though I did not know them well) moved back to New York after my sophomore year. However, the world of facebook has given me the blessing of keeping in contact with her.

I recently heard that she and her family are going through an extremely difficult time. For such wonderful people, it's heartbreaking to know that they must experience this. It makes you wonder why the most devastating events happen to people like them. All I can offer now is prayer and healing thoughts, hoping the God has it in his grand plan to make them even stronger and happier than they were previously.

Let's say some prayers, in hopes that all that is right in the world will once again come back into effect

Find the Moments

If you've heard from me at any time in the past 3 weeks, you have a pretty good idea of how ridiculous my life is. It's been a very difficult road to get this show up and running and top it off with a demanding course load and personal struggles, you end up with a mess. When you feel the burden of life crashing down with no end in sight, it's hard to find the good. I admit that I've had a more negative view of my life recently. I mix it up with the positive but my generally cheery nature has definite dipped downhill.

This is why it's important to find the good. When everything seems to go wrong, you need to find that little something that sparkles. Good talks with friends, inside jokes, laughter, getting a good grade, listening to a good song, going out to dinner, and many many hugs. That's what's going to get you through until you truly find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hello April

I owe all of you MAJOR updates. I'll try to get better about updating this.

1. No longer sick! Still have a cough but that's pretty typical for me.

2. We started tech on Monday. Yikes. This show just may kill me. Picture this: 2 wagons with 7 foot tall prosceniums, a 12 feet tall tower, a staircase, 4 sets of stairs, random set pieces, props, and costumes. Add in no masking, no backstage space, potentially iffy weather, and a company of 25 and you've got our show. It's literally like touring. We have to set up and take down the entire set before and after every rehearsal and performance. It's a little bit of a pain. We open on Tuesday, wish us luck...

3. 2 weeks until break!!

4. And...that's about it. Just trying to survive on a day-to-day basis.

:)