Reasons

I feel like every post I have on here is a repeat of the last one...

But this is why I actually have no time to talk!

1. 5 classes
2. Internship, which is half an hour away, 5 days a week including Sundays
3. Work, 3 days a week
4. Assistant production manager for St. Mary's production of June in a Box
5. Production management duties for the SMC fall dance show
6. Soon to be stage manager for RENT in Walnut Creek
7. Senior project
8. Grad school essays
9. GRE studying


All of that combined leaves me busy 6 days a week with hardly any free time. Saturdays are my only "day off" and I've spent the past two working. I don't have any weekends to myself until Christmas... :)


So now you know. At this point it's a daily struggle to not fall behind so everything else is harder to fit in.

I am also not writing in this blog as much because I am writing in another blog to track my internship experience. If you want to read THAT blog, give me your email address and I will invite you

For those of you who don't think I could get any busier...

..well I have

I'm nearly impossible to reach these days not because I do not love all of you anymore but because as of today I have begun a professional theatre internship which has me in rehearsals 5 days a week in addition to 1 night of rehearsal a week at SMC, going to classes, working two jobs, working on my senior project, and applying to grad school. Needless to say...free time has ceased to exist. Not that it really existed before but this time it really went away. I am thrilled about the internship as I will be working on an actors equity show (aka...the union, big time, professional) but it is half an hour away...so I'm gone from 5-11 ish 4 nights a week and giving up much of my Sundays to this process. Yikes.

And I'm Back!

I'm beyond thrilled to be starting senior year tomorrow. I've never had a better living situation or a fuller schedule or a happier reason to go to class. I love that my best friends are just on the other side of me, that I have amazing suitemates, that I really like we all live in this space. It's wonderful.

Let It Happen

Today I literally wanted to sleep all day to avoid everything

And, sadly, I pretty much mastered that

I'm not the type to run away from responsibility but I will ignore reality if it suits me better. Too much reality.

My old technical director, Greg, is in the hospital again. Most likely he won't be back to Catalina even once he recovers. That is not something I want to deal with. So what do I do? Throw myself into a project. Hopefully it will cheer him up knowing us tech girls care about what happens

A very special person is moving. Again. Far away, again. It feels too similar.

Internship stress bogged me down today and I nearly lost my mind until the most amazing opportunity came to me. Nothing promised yet but I might have an amazing internship secured by next week

Job interview set for Friday. This job would be a dream come true for next year...pays well, fits beautifully in my schedule...I really really hope that works out


So right now...too many unknowns but slowly they are coming together

My Memories

When I started theatre, almost exactly 7 years ago, I was really into displaying EVERYTHING. So I saved a program and posters and little notes I'd accumulated during the show and tacked them up on a bulletin board in my room. As theatre slowly started taking over my life, my boards became a shrine to my passion. By the time I graduated, I had 4 bulletin boards completely full with programs, posters, postcards, ribbons, notes, and anything I could salvage from the shows that could be tacked up on the board.

When I started college, I needed a new binder for every show. At the end of each show I would close the binder (happily...I'm usually very ready for closing night) and put it in a box under my bed. I now have two boxes full of binders and every now and then I pull them out. It's fun to see how my style has evolved and to also be reminded of what each show was like. The transformation from Abundance, my first college show, to Angels in America, my grad school portfolio submission, is drastic. Angels has not joined the morgue of old shows quite yet as it is still very much alive. Once the grad school process is over...that's when I will finally put that binder away.

Timetable

I've never done things on the same time table as everyone else. I was the girl who matured at least two years before every other girl in my class yet has never been in a relationship. Ages just don't mean as much to me as everyone else.

I didn't get my license on my 16th birthday, I got it 3 months later on a date that meant more to me at a time when I felt more comfortable.

I've never had a boyfriend yet I've been planning my future since I was 11

I didn't do anything special for my 18th birthday (I was a camp counselor) but essentially that's the year I started my career

And on my 21st birthday I watched Mulan and drank sparkling cider with some of the best people I know. The desire to drink has never existed. Now that school is approaching, the pressure is mounting. You think that there's pressure when you're underage? Try when you're legal. At least you have a built in excuse when you're not legal. Now I'll have to convince people that I don't drink. Which in theory sounds easy and you're probably thinking if I had a backbone, it would be easy. The issue doesn't lie in me drinking--I don't do anything I don't feel completely comfortable with. It's the expectation that exists. I wish that it wasn't automatically assumed that now that I'm 21, I will suddenly feel comfortable with drinking. I don't care how safe it is, how people will look out for me...it's just not something I'm interested in nor do I feel comfortable with it yet. When I feel like I'm ready, it will just happen. I'm just hoping the rest of the world will understand that and leave me alone like they've done up until this point.

Things I look Forward To

Amidst the stress of senior year and my future, there is one comforting thought. I honestly cannot until I reach the age where I will have a family and finally have kids of my own. Although I'm learning to live in the moment better and am taking things one day at a time, I'll be excited when those days are here.

I can't wait to see who I end up with. What my kids will look like. How many I'll have. If they are adopted or biological because adoption is something I'm interested in. Where we'll live. And finally get to make home movies of my own. I look forward to every milestone, from their first steps to their high school graduations. I think there is nothing more precious than watching children grow up and reach their own moments of success. And when those days are here...I think I'll definitely be living in the moment.