In My Life, I've Loved You More

My weekend has been incredible. Besides all of the hassle that's surrounding my life, I had such a great time this weekend. Spent time with family and friends, and outside in the amazing weather. Monterey has been 80 degrees all weekend--nearly unheard of. It put me in such a great mood.

I'm realizing more and more every day how blessed I am with my wonderful family. I spent yesterday and today with my cousins, Lisa and Leah. Lisa is the oldest of the cousins has always been my buddy. She was the cousin I wanted to hang out with when I was little and she is still the fun yet protective one. Leah and I are the closest in age and I have always loved spending time with her. I love when she visits. Both Lisa and Leah's dad's passed away within two years of each other. It was very difficult on all of us but especially on them and their families. Today Leah and I had the opportunity to talk about her dad and it was an amazing experience. I always want to talk about and hear stories about her dad, my Uncle Rob, but I usually have to wait until family functions or an old family friend comes over and even then I have to eavesdrop on conversations. She and I talked for nearly an hour about him and his life and how much we missed him but how awesome he was. He lived with us for the last 6 months of his life and Leah told me how grateful she was that my family had him living with us and acknowledged how difficult and painful it must have been for us. It was not an easy year for us. He had some really great and some really scary moments. Many scares but many laughs. I'm not going to pretend that it didn't affect me--I still can't hear people coughing in the middle of the night without immediately thinking of him and I'll never forget my fears--but it was also rewarding. I spent more time with him and learned more about him in those 6 months than I ever had before. It was so nice to spend time with her today.

I've also heard many stories this weekend about families splitting up, kids going to rehab, kids witnessing death, and other life altering stories. One girl in Salinas recently was in a car accident where her two best friends were killed and less than 2 months later witnessed the death of a friend's grandfather. I can't even imagine how she is feeling and my heart aches for her. I don't know if you can call my uncles' deaths "lucky" but I can say that I was fortunate to have been away when both of them passed away. All of these families that have so much to deal with make me even more appreciative of the incredible family (and by family, I include my amazing friends without whom I would be lost in the world) I have been blessed with. Nothing compares to their love.

Updates. Again.

You would think that with all my free time I would be updating more. Oops.

A lot has been going on. It's been a difficult couple of weeks but I'm staying positive. That's the only thing that will really cure this!

I've been home for a little over a week. I miss St.Mary's and the east bay but it's not quite as bad as it was last week. I'm heading up next weekend to work a show for Linda, to see Sam, and to watch the Tonys with Danielle. I cannot wait.

My girls graduated! I cannot believe they're going to college. My relationship with them has been a cross between a sister/mentor/mother and to see all 6 of them graduate was incredible. I couldn't be more proud. I also miss them very much and aware of the changes that will be coming up. But the graduation was beautiful as always and I had a wonderful day with them. I'll always remember the times we shared at Catalina with great fondness-they gave me some of the best memories. Brittny Marie, Taylor Mariah, Caroline Holly, Alexandra Nicole, Alena Christine, and Caitlin Muriel--I love you!

My financial situation has taken a turn for the worst. If I don't get scholarships or approved for enough loans, I won't be back at SMC in the fall. I've always known that money is a concern but I naively assumed it would work itself out. That may still happen but our time is very tight to figure this out. Tensions are high and the idea of not going back to SMC absolutely terrifies me. I refuse to entertain the idea because I can't handle it. I'm just going to keep calling banks, looking for scholarships, and keeping my fingers crossed because that's really all I can do right now.

My grandma is living with us part time. She's 94. She has always been the most active, independent woman of her age that I've ever known but about 2 months ago, she fell and fractured her hip. Her hip is doing much better but her fall was an indicator that she had taken a turn for the worst. Her memory is not very strong and neither is her eyesight. She requires around the clock supervision. She stays with us once or twice a week and it is both the most rewarding and most heartbreaking part of my life. She is completely sweet and sincere and she has the wittiest remarks that come out of nowhere. I know her life will be ending sometime soon--it could be tomorrow, it could be 5 years from now--but it is inevitable. It's both sad and amazing to have her around.

Sam was in the hospital. Her sister Zoe told me on Monday and I nearly had a heart attack. She'll be totally fine and I really shouldn't worry but the mention of hospitals freak me out. It could be for the most minor injury or illness and I would still get an awful feeling. I've had enough of hospitals this year...please no more...I love people too much.

That whole first kiss situation from May is still floating around in my mind. It did not end well. If you want details...just ask, I'll give them. All I have to say is boys need to think before they act. They can end up really hurting people who care about them.

All in all, I'm trying to stay positive. I have a lot of worries but I'm trying not to let them get me down. I have both Beauty and the Beast and Rent to look forward to. Summer camp always cheers me up. And I have the best friends in the world. Everything happens for a reason...I just gotta keep remembering that.